YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS.

09.03.09 Written by Matt

hauserman

According to a Radar Online report, VH1 is giving empty vessel and murderer-magnet Megan Hauserman another reality show.

“VH1 is giving Megan her own reality show,” a source confirms. When ['Megan Wants a Millionaire'] was abruptly cancelled “they promised Megan her own show…that’s how they bought her silence.”

As for the show’s format, the source says it will probably move away from a dating-themed show and will unscripted despite Hauserman asking for a scripted show.

Dude, Ryan Jenkins did VH1 a favor. They had the perfect excuse to keep this hatchet-faced Barbie off the air forever, and they blew it. They didn’t need to buy her silence with a new show, they could’ve just strangled her, stuffed her in a suitcase, and tossed it in the garbage.

…too soon?

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MILLIONAIRES COMPETE FOR LOVE OF SKANK

07.02.09 Written by Matt

If you don’t watch VH1′s aggressively tasteless lineup of quasi-celebrity-based reality shows, good for you.  But that likely means you don’t know who Megan Hauserman (loving rendered here) is.  A former Playboy Cybergirl (NSFW pictures here with super-NSFW ads), Megan established her reality show career by stealing scenes in “Rock of Love II,” “I Love Money,”  and “Rock of Love Charm School” — the last of which led to her suing Sharon Osbourne because Osbourne threw a drink on her.

And now she’s got her own wear-a-bikini-and-hook-up-with-dudes reality show called “Megan Wants a Millionaire,” in which men who can afford to have better-looking and smarter women try to woo someone who even Bret Michaels didn’t want.  Sounds awesome.  You guys are doing great at life.

megan-hauserman1megan-hauserman2megan-hauserman3megan-hauserman4megan-hauserman5megan-hauserman6

[Videogum]

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SHARON OSBOURNE IS GETTING SUED

03.03.09 Written by Matt

charm-school

Megan Hauserman, the reality show vixen* lovingly rendered in this tattoo, is suing Sharon Osbourne for an altercation that happened in December while filming the “Rock of Love Charm School” reunion special.  (As you may recall, viewer nostalgia ran so high when “Rock of Love Charm School” ended that VH1 had no choice but to do a reunion.)  (That was a lie.)

Megan Hauserman’s suit filed Monday in Los Angeles claims battery, negligence and intentional infliction of emotional distress. She seeks a jury trial and punitive damages… The suit claims Osbourne hit Hauserman, pulled her hair and scratched her.

You can watch the confrontation here.  Basically, Osbourne said Hauserman should get spayed (true), Hauserman returned the sentiment (true) and added that Osbourne is only famous because of Ozzy (also true).  Then Sharon threw a drink on her, security intervened, and everyone in the studio acted as if Sharon just liberated Vichy France from the Nazis.  It was, as VH1 called it at the time, “Sunday.”

*skank

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THE SADDEST TATTOO IN AMERICA

02.23.09 Written by Matt

tattoo-meganMegan Hauserman is a former Playboy Cybergirl who won the the third season of “Beauty and the Geek” before gorging on the teat of VH1 — she competed in “Rock of Love: Season 2,” “I Love Money,” and “Rock of Love Charm School.”

In other words, she’s just the kind of scholar and patriot that upstanding young Americans should be getting tattooed on their upper arms.

[This] is, from what we understand, a very real expression of one man’s love for VH1’s own Megan Hauserman. At last, fan behavior that out-does the ridiculousness of reality TV! This is where we’re progressing as a viewership, people. The owner of this fine inkwork is one Eddie who lives in Estero, Florida (per his MySpace). Megan tells us that he owns two Lily-esque Chihuahuas named, of course, Lily and Megan. Frankly, she seems thrilled to have a dog named after her. Go figure.

I appreciate Eddie’s honesty.  He knows who he is, what his expectations in life are.  Big-name talented celebrities are out of his stalking league.  Even Playboy centerfolds are a little too good for him.  But that one girl who got naked on the Web and was on all those reality shows?  That’s a woman he can really get a restraining order from.

[via Best Week Ever]

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