Michael Jackson famously lent his voice to the 1991 “Simpsons” episode “Stark Raving Dad,” playing a mental patient who believes he’s Michael Jackson. In a way, then, it’s fitting that the catchy-as-hell “Happy Birthday Lisa” song wasn’t sung by Jackson, but by a Jackson impersonator named Kipp Lennon.

Simpsons actress Yeardley Smith (who voices Lisa Simpson) revealed that Sony blocked Jackson from doing any of the singing for Jackson’s character, the large bald-headed mental patient Leon Kompowsky, who actually thought he was Jackson and serenaded Little Lisa with “Happy Birthday, Lisa”. Jackson, who was credited as John Jay Smith, instead handpicked impersonator Kipp Lennon, who also sang for the King of Pop during the miniseries The Jacksons: An American Dream. [consequenceofsound; original story at TMZ]

It seems like a lot of “Simpsons” fans are upset by this news, but I don’t see what the big deal is. Michael Jackson still voiced the character, and he even chose the guy who would sing in his place because his record deal precluded him from doing so. It doesn’t make “Happy Birthday Lisa” any less catchy, either. That thing’s gonna be in my head all day. At least until I go to the nuclear option of earworms.

I don’t know who made this, and I don’t know why it exists, but the Internet is richer for the video below: it’s a faithful adaptation of Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” — except the dancing zombies are Autobots (with Hot Rod standing in for MJ). This is the geekiest thing I’m going to love all day. Please, stop reading these words and watch it now:

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In this clip from Britain’s Sky One, the guy who looks like the sleazy old pimp in a crime drama is actually “medium” Derek Acorah. Acorah pretends to talk to the spirit of Michael Jackson, and this makes morons who idolize dead pop stars cry. But what I don’t understand is why the people at the seance are dressed like Adam Ant?  Doesn’t make sense to me.

[BuzzFeed]

CORRECTION: Adam Ant. This is still not okay.

Dude. I don’t even know where to begin. I’ll try to break this down into simple sentences in order to grasp it better.

Donny Osmond is on “Dancing with the Stars.” He danced a pasa doble to a terrible cover of  Dead or Alive’s “You Spin Me Around (Like a Record).” He did this in a nightmarish Michael Jackson costume. This costume included sideburns and lipstick smeared on his face. Michael Jackson did not wear lipstick or have sideburns, that I know of. He also did not have a heart STAMPED ONTO HIS FOREHEAD SERIOUSLY WHAT THE HELL???? Why? What are you thinking? Where is this a good idea? You’re a human being, you can exercise your free will to NOT look like zombie tranny undead love child of Tim Curry and Michael Jackson while LATOYA CLAPS FOR THIS MONSTROSITY. Am I on peyote again?

Video below. If you’re lucky, the player won’t work.

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After the death of Michael Jackson, Japanese television provided a restrained and tasteful outlet for the nation’s mourning. Just kidding, of course. TV Tokyo’s “Champions” held a competition between Jackson fans to see who could moonwalk 30 meters the fastest. And the first two competitors did it in blackface, because of course they did. Why not? How many black people in Japan could possibly call in to complain? Three? Four? Japanese people have it so easy. They don’t even have to look around or ask if anyone’s Jewish before telling a racist joke. Or pretend it’s an accident and apologize when they fondle women on the subway. What a country.

[Japan Probe]