I can’t begin to explain why I find this hilarious, but three seconds of security camera footage of a deer running through a Detroit cafe looped and set to Miley Cyrus’s “Party in the USA” is absolutely killing me. I think it’s because I see the deer as the protagonist in the song. Some of the lyrics:

I hopped off the plane at LAX with a dream and my cardigan
welcome to the land of fame excess, am I gonna fit in?
Jumped in the cab, Here I am for the first time
Look to the right and I see the Hollywood sign

I hope that deer makes in showbiz! Don’t let go of your dreams! You can DOE it!

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In what absolutely HAD to be a favor to his daughters, Larry David appeared on Disney’s “Hannah Montana” in 2007, prompting millions of preteen girls to say, “Who’s that weird old guy?” (Both David and his daughters appeared as themselves.)

Before you watch the video below, two things: (1) I’d forgotten how f-cking terrible laugh tracks are. It doesn’t even correlate to the jokes, it’s just a steady stream of canned laughter over the dialogue. (2) Despite the laugh track and the terrible premise and the lousy script and the whole thing just reeking with the glossy sheen of Disney, Larry David is still his genuine cantankerous self. He manages to walk the line between playing too cute in the Disney construct and flipping out and taking a flamethrower to the set. And although the flamethrower would have been more fun to watch, his performance is pretty impressive in its own right.

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Teen Choice Awards (Fox) — Hosted by the Jonas Brothers and featuring a bunch of young people whose names are vaguely familiar, including Twilight star Ashley Greene (rawr!).  I don’t know much about this ceremony, but judging from the title, I think it has something to do with high school girls getting abortions.

Who Wants to Be a Millionaire (ABC) — Wait, this is on again?  And Vanessa Williams and George Stephanopoulos are on tonight?  Did I come back from vacation after traveling backwards through time?  What year is it?

Animal Cops: Phoenix (Animal Planet) — My favorite animal cop?  Noodles the Police Cat, obvi.

Dating in the Dark (ABC) — I’m surprised by how much I like this show.  It’s fascinating to see how intimate people will get with someone they can’t see — and how some will walk away after they see them for the first time.

Jon and Kate Plus 8 (TLC) — It’s back with a new episode.  Commence with the dismissive wanking.

Obsessed (A&E) — Season finale features Richie, “an extreme hoarder who can’t throw away anything that belonged to his deceased mother… In the longest therapy process of the entire season (approximately one year), his therapist tries to get to the root of the problem.”  Well, his dead mother’s not getting any more stuff, is she?  So just burn everything while he’s sleeping.  I would not make a good therapist.