Betty White’s Off Their Rocker (NBC) — If you’re tuning into NBC tonight to watch “Best Friends Forever,” don’t bother. It’s been pulled, and in its place, you can watch two episodes of Betty White’s prank show. Or you could shoot yourself in the face.

Don’t Trust the B—- in Apt. 23 (ABC) — The only problem I’m finding so far with this show is that James Van Der Beek doesn’t get enough screen time. Honestly, the entire show should just be about Van Der Beek, his gay assistant, and their rollicking adventures on the deep blue sea.

Law and Order: SVU (NBC) — I would not normally recommend an “L&O” procedural, but tonight’s episode guest stars … James Van Der Beek. I hope he plays himself.

Modern Family (ABC) — “Modern Family” FINALLY returns tonight to finish out the season with a few new episodes. “Modern Family” should also bring on James Van Der Beek … as Manny’s murderer. Seriously, that kid is the worst. Manny couldn’t sell a line to Lindsay Lohan.

Survivor (CBS) — The show is down to one last man: Horrible, annoying Tarzan, who I’m sure the women will try to keep because he’s the perfect guy to take to the end because no one would ever vote to give him $1,000,0000. The other finalist could behead Jeff Probst, and she’d still win if she went to the end with Tarzan. For Christ’s Sake, he’s a plastic surgeon who calls himself Tarzan. Where do they find these a**holes?

Whitechapel (BBC American) — Anyone watch this show? Is it any good? I’m a sucker for great British cop shows, doubly so for one that stars “MI:5′s” Rupert Penry-Jones.

LATE NIGHT LISTINGS: Letterman has Johnny Galecki, Leno has Scarlett Johansson, William H. Macy is on Kimmel, Angelica Huston is on Ferguson, Amy Poehler is on Fallon (that should e good), and Wingnut Senator, Tom Coburn, is on “The Daily Show.”

Best Friends Forever (NBC) — The third of six episodes of this sitcom that will be canceled by the end of May. Here’s my hearty endorsement: “It’s an OK show.” — Dustin Rowles, Warming Glow

Don’t Trust the B—- in Apt. 23 — You have got to be kidding me, ABC. After four reruns in five weeks, there’s ANOTHER RERUN of “Modern Family” tonight. No wonder the ratings are sinking. Anyway, Kiernan Shipka, who plays Sally Draper in “Mad Men” will be on the “Don’t Trust the B—-” tonight. I hope she reenacts this GIF.

Survivor (CBS) — “Survivor” is in that really boring part of the season where an alliance of around five or six just starts picking off everyone else until there’s no one left and they have to start picking off their own. I think there’s still two men left, so obviously the women’s alliance will pick off one of them.

Betty White: Off Their Rockers (NBC) — I’ve never seen a second of this show, but apparently it’s now one of NBC’s highest rated programs. I heard from someone else, however, that it starts to suck even before the opening credits end. I feel like Betty White deserves a better send-off into the afterlife than this.

Total Blackout (SyFy) — OK, this has to be the dumbest idea for a reality game show yet, but I absolutely have to see it. Jaleel White — Urkel from “Family Matters” — hosts a show in which a group of people are surrounded in complete darkness, afraid of obstacles and themselves. I can’t believe this show is real. Someone must have been, like: “Hey! Here’s an idea. Let’s get a group of people, put them in a room, and TURN OFF THE LIGHTS. We’ll get that nerdy kid from ‘Family Matters’ to host. It’ll be HUGE.”

LATE NIGHT LISTINGS: Rob Lowe is on Dave, Adam Levine is on Leno, Schmidt from “New Girl” is on Kimmel, Phil Keoghan from “The Amazing Race” is on Ferguson, Fallon follows up a visit with the President with a visit from the entire cast of “30 Rock” (rehearsing their live show), and Jason Segel is on “The Daily Show.”

TV ratings are currently down across the board, according to the New York Times, not only affecting low-rated shows like “Community,” but also mega-hits, such as “American Idol” and “Modern Family,” which got a season-low 4.0 in the ever-important 18-49 rating last Wednesday.

In the four television weeks starting March 19, NBC lost an average of 59,000 viewers (about 3 percent) in that 18-to-49 age category compared with the same period last year, CBS lost 239,000 (8 percent), ABC lost 681,000 (21 percent) and Fox lost 709,000 (20 percent).

In the last few weeks, new viewership lows for network series have been recorded nightly among 18- to 49-year-olds, the group that still commands the highest advertising prices. (Via)

Even cable networks, which usually reap the benefits of the Big Four losing ratings, were down “409,000 viewers” during March. The article gives four explanations why this is happening: Daylight Savings Time (people are outside later — those monsters!); “Idol” ratings, which are usually so high that they boost overall TV ratings, are down 30%; a glut of late-season reruns; and “nonlinear viewing.” Meaning, most people aren’t watching TV live as much anymore — they DVR or watch online, either legally or illegally. (I watch roughly 20-25 shows per week, but only three of them live: “Game of Thrones,” “Community,” and “Mad Men.”) Hopefully networks realizing they’re potentially losing “billions of dollars in sales” is the first step toward a better ratings system than what exists now, and then we can stop worrying about the fate of shows like “Parks and Recreation.”

Either all that, or NBC canceled the sure-to-be blockbuster “The Paul Reiser Show” far too soon.

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During “Community’s” hiatus, we made an argument that the hiatus could actually be good for the show because, we reasoned, the ratings for every other sitcom on NBC was dropping, so by comparison, “Community’s” ratings would look better. We were both right and wrong. The hiatus was good for the show, but not because “Community’s” flat ratings stood out by comparison to the other flailing NBC sitcoms. It was because “Community’s” ratings actually soared upon its return. After a three-month hiatus, “Community” returned with a huge ratings boost, with 36 percent more viewers and 47 percent more viewers in the key demo.

The hiatus effect isn’t isolated to just “Community,” but it is unusual for the hiatus effect to boost ratings on sitcoms. Typically, serialized dramas with ongoing storylines will see a big boost after a long hiatus, while sitcoms fall off. Take “Mad Men,” for instance. AFter an 18 month hiatus, it added 600,000 viewers, reaching a new series high. “Breaking Bad” has seen substantial gains after very nine-month hiatus, and “Game of Thrones” had a huge boost in its second season. But short-hiatuses, like the one that “Modern Family” had been on, are not as good for sitcoms. That show saw a 22 percent drop this week, for instance.

The reason? Social media buzz, so believes Ad Age and Blufin Labs, which worked out this nifty little chart.

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I can never think of anything to write for these GIF intros (other than: here are GIFs from “30 Rock,” “Modern Family,” “Justified,” “Game of Thrones,” etc.), so you should use the comments section as a free-for-all. Wanna talk about Joss Whedon? Sure! (I’m calling it now: Burnsy is wrong.) That amazing Megadeth/Motörhead post? Obviously. Jeff’s dumb speech at the end of an otherwise excellent episode of “Community”? Certainly.

But we all know what we’re REALLY going to talk about: that Three Stooges trailer, where Sean Hayes and Professor Gigglepepper flick a piece of food toward a dolphin, and it lands in the dolphin’s blowhole. That’s classic mirth-making, is what that is. I wish I had a GIF of it. Speaking of…to the GIFs!

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