A few weeks ago, MTV announced that they were doing a reboot of “Hollywood Squares” featuring rappers and MTV personalities. This, to be perfectly clear, seemed like a great idea. The only problem was that the original announcement included phrases like “starring Nick Cannon and Bam Margera,” which is kind of like offering to cook someone an omelette and then filling it with napkins instead of cheese. It’s just not acceptable, and there’s no reason we have to stand for it.

Then last week, the New York Times did a behind-the-scenes story on the show, and I am pleased to announce that I am 100% back on board. Why, you ask? Two words: Ghostface Killah. The article is riddled with Ghostface quotes and anecdotes (again, in the NEW YORK TIMES), and I don’t think I’m being unreasonable when I say someone should issue an emergency Pulitzer to everyone involved in this groundbreaking piece of journalism. I’ve collected some of my favorite quotes after the jump, including Ghostface’s words of wisdom to “Community’s” Donald Glover, and his thoughts on game show theme songs. The man is a national treasure, and I refuse to hear otherwise.

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MTV announced yesterday that “Jersey Shore” will return for a sixth season, even though there are currently two spin-offs being filmed, and Snooki will be carrying a fetus. Like, inside her stomach, not just in her purse or a backpack or something. That would be weird, and probably illegal. Anyway, here’s the announcement about the show:

Snooki promised at the end of the latest season of “Jersey Shore” that she’d be back for more Seaside Heights, New Jersey, shenanigans, and she wasn’t lying. MTV News has confirmed that there will be another season of the “Shore” — with mom-to-be Snooki joining her pals.

Although further details about season six of the hit MTV reality show have yet to be released — though we do know “Shore” will tape this summer — the network released a statement hinting that there will be new themes to explore.

“While things will definitely be a little different this time when they hit the boardwalk, their trademark hilarity and family dysfunction will remain the same,” an MTV rep teased. [MTV]

I hate being Johnny EverythingIsDumb, but I seriously can’t believe there have only been five seasons of this show. With all the exposure the cast has gotten during the show’s run, it feels like they’ve packed ten years of career into half the time. And it shows no signs of letting up. As I mentioned above, there are two more “Jersey Shore”-related shows hitting the air this year, and we are about to be swamped with news coverage about pregnant Snooki, and that will make me want to throw all my electronics into a fire pit and go live in a cave. It’s going to get worse before it gets better, people.

I suppose the point I’m trying to make is that MTV is going to squeeze every bronzer-soaked drop of life out of this show until it turns into an undead corpse wandering the television landscape with no direction or reason for existing. Like a character on “The Walking Dead.”

This post was originally going to be about the History Channel paying $3.5 million to advertise their show “Swamp People” during the Super Bowl. As I was reading over the story, however, I came across this paragraph:

“Swamp People” is History’s third most-watched original series, trailing only “Pawn Stars” and “American Pickers.” “Pawn Stars” throughout 2011 averaged 7.02 million L7 viewers, making it the fifth most popular program on basic cable. “Pickers” averaged 5.78 million.

Yeah… none of those shows are about history. Not even a little bit. “Swamp People” is about Cajun dudes catching alligators or something, “Pawn Stars” is just about a fancy pawn shop, and “American Pickers” is about buying and selling antiques. To bastardize a great Mitch Hedberg joke, this would be like if the Food Network started airing a reality show about farmers. It’s ridiculous. Yes, the network’s ratings are up, but I don’t see how they can keep calling themselves “The History Channel” like they’re some beacon for educational programming when their schedule is full of shows like this. I’m on to you, History Channel! YOUR HEAD RESTS UPON A BED OF LIES!

But, the more I thought about it, I realized that the History Channel is far from the only network guilty of this. I’ve compiled a collection of other offenders after the jump.

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Kevin Kirkpatrick, one of Hollywood’s leading prosthetic makeup artist (he did work on The Wolfman, the upcoming Avengers movie, and is responsible for the prosthetic artistry on Lincoln in this summer’s Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter) took the liberty of designing these prosthetic models showing what Beavis and Butthead would look like in real life.

If you ever wonder why Beavis and Butthead can’t get laid, these images should clear any confusion up for you. They look like they were inbred from inbreds.

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In news that feels like it should be bookended by the word “Bro,” MTV is bringing back the Ashton Kutcher produced celebrity prank show, “Punk’d.” “THIS IS GREAT NEWS!” said the marketing director for Von Dutch and literally no one else I can think of.

After months of rumors, MTV is officially reviving the hidden-camera prank classic, ordering a new version of Punk’d to series. Jason Goldberg and Ashton Kutcher are back on board as executive producers. But the show’s host is…

… a different question. MTV plans to announce the show’s host/hosts during its New Years Eve party live telecast next week. Access Hollywood reported months ago that a new show was in the works, using different celebrity hosts for each episode — and noting in the premiere that Justin Bieber is the man in the van. [EW]

Between this news and NBC bringing back “Fear Factor,” it’s beginning to look like 2012 is going to be the second coming of the douche. Seriously, I thought we killed all this crap years ago. Now it looks like we’re only a month or two from someone greenlighting a show called “Bro, U Got Punched Bro” hosted by Fred Durst that airs four hours a week in primetime. This simply will not do.

As I think more about this, though, I realize this news may not be all bad. Don’t get me wrong, there is still is 0% chance I watch an updated version of “Punk’d.” BUT, if it is going to be hosted by Justin Bieber, even in a one-shot guest role, that means there’s at least a chance he tries to Punk Ron Artest and I log into Tumblr one morning to find a GIF of Artest bopping him so hard on the head that he ends up buried in the ground up to his neck like in a cartoon. That would make all this worth it.