This video from Sean Klitzner would be a pretty cool breakdown of “Jersey Shore’s” idiotic fakery if he didn’t waste so much of my precious Internet time. The first minute-plus is an unfunny, over-long introduction, the next two minutes comprise the relevant “Jersey Shore” material, then the fourth minute is a non sequitur bit about Siri, and the final 90 seconds is all promotion for his Klitzner’s other projects. So it takes five and a half minutes to deliver less than 120 seconds of “Jersey Shore” breakdown. Dude, that is NOT how to make a viral video. Respect my ADD, man.

NEVERTHELESS, the “Jersey Shore” stuff — in which Klitzner dissects an obviously staged scene — is worth watching, because reality TV producers have to be some of the laziest morons in the entertainment industry. It’s worth revising that ugly old cliche — “Those who can, do. Those who can’t make reality television.”

[via BuzzFeed]

Expensive Private School Dogs watch 'Jersey Shore' for the subtle nods to Godard

I watch “Jersey Shore” for the drinking and fighting and terrible clothes and irresponsible sexual activity, but I’ve always felt that there was something MORE that I was missing, some kind of deeper meaning. Thankfully, someone at the elite University of Chicago organized a symposium to analyze “Jersey Shore” in the most pretentious terms possible.

[Deena] popped up frequently as a subject of academic discussion, particularly for an episode in which she thwarted the Situation’s attempt to bring home twins by swiping one for herself. In the process she became a trickster figure, upending the show’s heteronormativity and its power dynamics.

*kisses fingers* Ahhh, now THAT is some Grade-A pretentious academic codswallop if I’ve ever seen it. Nevertheless, I could use some more references to Marx and Foucault:

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Tonya Cooley was a member of 2002′s “Real World: Chicago,” and since then she’s appeared as a Playboy Cybergirl of the Week and starred in Cinemax’s The Erotic Traveler 02: Lost in Ecstasy (sounds good). She has also appeared on eight seasons of the “Real World/Road Rules Challenge,” a career that is likely over now that she’s suing MTV and the castmates that allegedly raped her with a toothbrush.

Cooley’s lawsuit claims that while she was passed out — and MTV was filming — Santucci and Starkman “took another male participant’s toothbrush and rubbed the toothbrush around plaintiff’s genitals, including rubbing her labia and inserting the toothbrush into plaintiff’s vagina.”

But if she was passed out and didn’t object, is it really rape? Yes? Oh. I should probably write that down somewhere.

Cooley then alleges producers replaced the toothbrush and didn’t tell her what happened. She also says producers encouraged male cast members to “inappropriately touch female cast members’ bodies, including in intimate areas,” while stripped of their bathing suits. Apparently she and other female “Challenge” participants reported the incidents, but MTV didn’t do anything about it. [Zap2it via TMZ]

If this is true, it’s a pretty terrible and disgusting act. But not surprising. In fact, MTV has “you might get raped” built into its reality contracts. Seriously. Remember when the standard “Real World” contract leaked? It’s right there in Stipulation 7:

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It feels like a long, long time since MTV did anything to make young people think critically about something that actually matters, but the network actually embedded cameras with three Occupy Wall Street protesters for two weeks, and the resultant footage will be shown on “True Life: I’m Occupying Wall Street,” set to air Saturday, November 5th.

The clip above doesn’t exactly do the OWS movement justice; for the most part, the protesters seem like people dead-set on living in a park, not focused on overhauling a corrupt financial system that crippled the country while the richest 1% grew even richer. But I’d assume that the finished product tells a better story, and really I’m just happy that MTV made something that isn’t about pregnant teenagers or Guido idiots. It’s such a huge step up that I can’t complain.

"OK boys, set your night sticks to WHOMP."

[Deadline]

You’re killin’ me, MTV. We finally got through the endless monotony of Season 4 of “Jersey Shore,” and already Season 5 is waiting in the wings, ready to detail the Guidos’ of this past summer in Seaside Heights. Thankfully, the next season doesn’t kick off until early 2012, so this should be the last 3:30 of “Jersey Shore” you watch for another two months or so.

However, this clip of the continuing apocalypse comes with a silver lining: for the first time ever, ratings were down for a “Jersey Shore” finale.

Gasp you should. Italy was crazy dull, yo.

Shore delivered 6.6 million viewers for its season 4 finale, down 13 percent from season 3′s closer. That downturn is despite the season launching higher than ever, with a spectacular 8.8 million blowout that was MTV’s most-watched series premiere ever. So far Shore finales have clocked 4.8 million for season one, 6.1 million for season two, 7.6 million for season three and, now, reversing down to 6.6 million. [Inside TV]

More like “Jersey BORE!” Ha ha, total burn.