It’s never the wrong time to highlight a “Mystery Science Theater 3000″ clip. This one’s from the “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” episode, and it’s begging to be made into a Sandusky tribute video.

The Five Most Awesome Games On a Graphing Calculator — God, if Pokémon Stadium had been on my graphing calculator in middle school, I would have failed the sh*t out of math class. Y’know, instead of failing with 64, which I did. (Gamma Squad)

Do The Source Magazine’s 5 Mics Still Matter? — I still don’t think Dr. Dre’s 2001 deserved its Five Mic critical reevaluation (it was originally given 4.5). Only Built 4 Cuban Linx…, though, well, that should gotten a perfect score the first time ’round. (Smoking Section)

Guns, Horses, & Insecurities: Reporting From the Set of True Grit XXX — “From the buttons to the pubic hair, I’m assured that everything is as if we were really boning in the late-1800′s.” (Film Drunk)

Adele’s Official Tour Rider Is Full of Smokey, Boozy, Chocolatey Win — I want to be famous, so I can have a tour rider. I would request only the finest foods and drinks, like a Twix bar minus the chocolate exterior and diet ginger ale, which is surprisingly difficult to find. (Uproxx)

MTV Used FatBooth On The Victoria’s Secret Angels — Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon would have been much more interesting if it had pitted Megatron vs. Fat Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. (Uproxx)

The Shaun White Sex Scandal You’ve Been Waiting For — The “Flying Tomato” is probably the name of a sex move already, so this just fills in the blank. And something else, too. (With Leather)

Ranking Television’s 10 Best Boobs — But not the kind of boobs you’re thinking of. Unless they are, in which case, you’re welcome? I guess. (Pajiba)

Classic Album Covers Come to Life With Google Streetview — A few years ago, I went to the street where the Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan cover was shot and tried to figure out exactly where he stood in the road. I regret nothing. (The FW)

As we all know, cranky dickhead Andy Rooney passed away this weekend. And since my send-off wasn’t exactly the nicest eulogy, I figured this video might be a more fitting tribute. In Season 9 of “Mystery Science Theater 3000,” Mike, Crow, and Tom Servo don bushy fake eyebrows and engage in an “Andy Rooney-Off.” The topic is soup, which seems like the Andy Rooney-est food possible.

You know, now that he’s dead, maybe the best way to remember his is by using his name as an adjective. Something’s Andy Rooney if it’s bland and inoffensive yet somewhat inscrutable for a simpleton. Like magnets — how do they work? OH MY GOD ANDY ROONEY WAS A JUGGALO. I mean, check out the lyrics to “Miracles”: “I fed a fish to a pelican at Frisco bay / It tried to eat my cell phone, he ran away.” It’s like an Andy Rooney essay with swearing. Well, except for the part about owning an cell phone.

[video via BuzzFeed]

Ladies and genetlemen, please welcome once again Josh Kurp, Warming Glow’s official Listführer. I think this is his finest contribution yet.

Considering no one actually reads intros to lists, I’ll just say one thing: catchphrases like “D’oh!” or “Hello, Newman” aren’t recurring jokes. To the list!

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Between the “Mystery Science Theater 3000″ tattoo, the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man tattoo, and breasts, this girl is a nerd’s wet dream. However, I can’t say I agree with the placement. She should have gotten it on her inner thigh so that her lovers could come up with witty things for Joel/Mike to say. “Whoa, look at that vagina!” “AAAGGHH it’s a hairy monster!” “Captain, we found the source of the smell.”

If none of this makes any sense to you, you can join the commenters at Reddit, who were all saying things like “Hurrr that’s going to become a blurry black smudge after she has children” or “I’m only 12 years old; I don’t get it.” And that’s just sad. I mean, I know the American school system is behind other countries’, but I was shocked to learn that “MST3K” isn’t part of the curriculum.

As awesome as the news is that Hulu is hosting episodes of ‘Mystery Science Theater 3000″ now, it still isn’t an ideal scenario. The chief complaints are that (1) Hulu only features five random episodes at any given time, and (2) users outside the United States can’t watch any Hulu programming. Well, to this I say…

BAM!

That link is ground zero for watching “MST3K” online from any country in the world. From there you can get to over 140 entire episodes hosted on Google Video. Commercial-free. I’m almost hesitant to link to it, as I fear that any extra attention it gets will lead to the copyright nazis killing it. I also fear that the coolest Warming Glow readers will spend the next three weeks there watching episodes non-stop while foregoing food and sleep, and my traffic will go down. But whatever, if Hulu is going to tease us by not hosting any Hercules or Gamera episodes, then people are going to search out a different site to watch them. Me, I’m just a facilitator. Hey, you want a beer, man? C’mon, just one. What, does your old lady make all your decisions for you?

(image via)