Here are highlights to the year set to auto-tune, and I’m posting this video because I love how shallow and TV-centric it is. Ah, 2009. Remember all the important things that happened? Like Jon & Kate Gosselin’s marriage falling apart, Lady Gaga, Kanye at the VMAs, Octomom, Spencer & Heidi, Christian Bale’s meltdown, and Balloon Boy? Oh right, and our new president! He killed that fly!

Barack Obama: Uh, I also won the Nobel Peace Prize.
America: The noble what now?

Caitlin Upton, forever known as Miss South Carolina Teen USA 2007 for her “such as the Iraq” answer in the beauty pageant, did this segment on “where babies come from” for last night’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.” And while I don’t want to task her with fixing any appliances, she does come off as very sweet and good-natured (and, uh, hot) — just as she did in her Web Redemption for “Tosh.0.”

Naturally, I’m somewhat less enthralled with the participation of “Octomom” Nadya Suleman, who (tellingly) is shooting a television appearance while someone else cares for her children. But it’s still kind of amazing to see these infamous morons of viral Internet fame interact. It’s kinda like my Three Keyboard Cat Moon shirt that way.

Oh Jesus, this is gonna be a bad day for my blood pressure.  In this preview clip for Fox’s documentary about Nadya Suleman, the woman known as Octomom reveals that hey, maybe she should have thought out this whole “having octuplets to go with six young children” thing a little more.

Man off-camera: You honestly didn’t think about the future?
Suleman: Never. I was thinking about saving those embryos, maybe one will grow.
Man off-camera: You never thought…?
Suleman: Of course not. Of course not. I screwed myself. I screwed up my life, I screwed up my kids’ lives. What the heck am I gonna do?

Listen, I’m not sure if the government has something like a cannon that shoots people into space, but if they don’t, they should look into getting one.  Obama death panels FTW.

Another clip after the jump.  See what it looks like when one person tries to feed eight screaming babies all at once.  Read the rest of this entry »

In a “Simpsons” episode called “Eight Misbehavin’,” Apu’s wife Manjula gives birth to octuplets after Apu slips her fertility drugs.  Despite the initial media frenzy and gifts the attention brings, the new parents quickly learn that they are ill-suited to care for so many children.  They eventually turn the kids over to the zoo, where they star in a spectacle called “Octopia.”  That episode initially aired ten years ago.

In a related story, Fox has announced it will air a two-hour documentary about Nadya “Octomom” Suleman, the societal leech whose hobbies include plastic surgery and reckless in vitro fertilization.

Fox will air the special very soon — Wednesday, Aug. 19 — and says viewers will “witness the emotional struggles, physical complications and financial burdens of this single mother of 14 … including the private moments and reactions of Suleman’s family, as well as Suleman’s own feelings, doubts and fears.”

“It’s emotional, it’s compelling, you’re watching her go from miracle birth woman to tabloid fodder,” said Fox president of alternative Mike Darnell. “You don’t even need narration, it’s incredible footage. It’s a little bit of a trainwreck, and it’s really entertaining to watch.”

Golly, I hope this plucky underdog of a single mother makes it.  To Child Services.  To bankruptcy.  To hell.

Oh, Nadya Suleman.  It seems like just yesterday that America fell in love with the unemployed single mother of six on welfare who sought to become pregnant again through in vitro fertilization and eventually gave birth to eight more children.  That makes for 14 children that she can’t possibly afford to raise – UNLESS…

America’s Octomom has a “reality” show in the works with a television network or an online company, and it will begin as soon as the last octuplet comes home from the hospital, according to In Touch Weekly.

Suleman’s show will chronicle the lives of her and her brood of 14 kids, including the uber-fertile mom’s search for romance…

“It’s about Nadya trying to raise 14 children while looking for love,” an insider told the mag. It will reportedly be a cross between TLC hit “Jon & Kate Plus 8” and “The Bachelor.”

Suleman has repeatedly received death threats for what many consider to be a reckless and irresponsible approach to creating a family, and a couple firms have already quit doing her PR after getting floods of death threats.  Now, I don’t want to come across as biased toward one side or the other, but those heroes making death threats should direct their righteous venom to any network that considers airing this show.