I caught this on last week’s “Top Chef” but didn’t see it online until awesomely named reader Matt sent it in: it’s Padma Lakshmi and guest judge Natalie Portman dropping their share of fellatio double entendres in a penis-packed 41 seconds. It’s an absolute delight.

That’s how sex with me is often described, by the way. Not the “absolute delight” part. The penis-packed 41 seconds :(

Squeaky-clean and well-adjusted teen sensation Taylor Swift opened up last night’s Country Music Awards Country Music Television Awards with a rap video featuring omnipresent Auto Tuner T-Pain (see video below).  As you can see, she’s no Natalie Portman on Saturday Night Live (also below), but considering Swift doesn’t drink or swear or — from what I can tell — have impure thoughts of any kind, she manages to do pretty well here.  Props to the CMT Awards for doing something that made me notice they exist.

Swift also won Video of the Year and Female Video of the Year, then closed out the show by singing “Pour Some Sugar on Me” with Def Leppard.  And it’s good to see Def Leppard working.  You can catch them next week at the Emerald Queen Casino in Fife, Washington and on August 11th at the Slinger Community Center in Slinger, Wisconsin (note: Bingo will be moved up an hour to accommodate the show).

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