Work It (ABC) – Just for fun, I Googled “‘Work It’ + review” a minute ago. HOO BOY. TV critics are absolutely taking a flamethrower to this show. Seriously, I might watch it just out of morbid curiosity. (NOTE: Do not do this if you are a Nielsen viewer. I will LITERALLY kill you.)

The Biggest Loser (NBC) – Season premiere. If you were wondering if the title of this show still makes me laugh after years and years on the air, the answer is a definitive “Yes.”

NCIS/NCIS: Los Angeles (CBS) – Mark Harmon and LL Cool J get lifetime passes for their involvement in Summer School and the song “Hey Lover,” respectively. Everyone else is on their own.

Celebrity Wife Swap (ABC) – Hand to God, this is what is happening on this show tonight: the wives of Gary Busey and totally-not-gay-ok-maybe-a-little-gay minister Ted Haggard are swapping places. Jesus Mighty. If only for this one episode, the title of this show should be changed to “The Most Patient and Understanding Women Alive.”

Chopped (Food Network) – For the entrée round, the chefs must cook “a meat with a peculiar name.” Like what, D’Brickashaw?

LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Everyone is back tonight and most of them have decent guests, but HOLY CRAP listen to this lineup on Leno tonight: Whitney Cummings, Snooki, and musical guest will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas. This is the most Leno lineup imaginable. Like, if you figured out a way to concentrate all the years of all the shows he has done into a test tube of 100% Leno extract, this is what you would get. It is the weaponized DERP of late night talk shows.

This is an actual screen cap from the most recent episode of “NCIS: Los Angeles.” Yes, the person who wrote the episode is Speed Weed. He is an actual person. I contacted him over Facebook to see if he’d be willing to do a Q&A, because it’s not every day — or ever — that you meet someone whose name is a combination of uppers and downers. The only name that might be cooler is Cocaine Booze, but that doesn’t rhyme.

Anyway, Speed informed me that he was about to leave for Bhutan for five weeks — which is either awesome or an awesomely extravagant lie — and when he gets back he’ll be working for “Law & Order: SVU.”

Bastard. I hate people with awesome names. I could name my kid “Shotgun Danger Ufford” and he’d still be stuck with that clunker of a last name. Stupid English ancestors.

(thanks to Erswi for the ‘cap)

Seven episodes into its first season, “NCIS: Los Angeles” has already sold the rights to air its episodes in syndication. USA, which also airs re-runs of the original “NCIS,” has bought the rights at a staggering $2 million an episode.

USA will have the right to air the show weekly beginning in Sept. 2011 and will start stripping the episode in 2013…

The unusually quick deal is testament to the popularity of the “NCIS” brand — and the ability for top cable networks to capitalize on crime procedurals in syndication. In its seventh season, “NCIS” has grown to become the most-watched drama series on broadcast, while its USA repeats are the most-watched syndicated crime drama, averaging 3.5 million viewers.

To put that in perspective, the average repeat of “NCIS” on USA draws about as many viewers as the original and highly acclaimed “Sons of Anarchy” does on its best night. And every time I realize something like that, a little piece of me regrets having ever served my country. So please, America: stop watching CBS’s recycled crime dramas, especially in syndication. Do it for the troops.

LL Cool J and Chris O’Donnell star in “NCIS: Los Angeles” (previously made fun of here), a show that The Hollywood Reporter is sadly calling CBS’s “best hope for a new hit this fall. Videogum also had a line about this crowning turd that I enjoyed:

NCIS: Los Angeles [is] a spin-off series from NCIS, whatever that is. It’s basically the golden rule of television: anything that can be done well, can also be done in another city on Tuesday nights at 9/8 Central.

Anyway, in the scene above, LL Cool J argues with Edna Mode about expense reports, and then there’s something wrong with Chris O’Donnell’s clothes? I’m not really  sure. It’s 90 seconds of liquid Ambien injected straight into your eyeballs. Translation: it’s going to be a huge hit. I hate you, CBS.