I love Grantland* because the writers there have an uncanny ability to take a Tweet-sized thought — “’90210′ is the least cared about show on television” –and expand it into a 2,000-word think piece. Such is the case with Steven Hyden’s longread explaining why “90210″ holds that title: Because most of us cannot name a single person who watches it.

It’s true, too. I don’t know a soul who watches. I’m a TV critic for two sites, and I’ve never seen an episode. Maybe that’s my own failing, or maybe it’s the apathy the very idea of the show provokes. I have no interest in watching plastic people poorly attempt to recreate the fleeting 90′s magic of “Beverly Hills 90210.” As far as I’m concerned, “90210″ doesn’t exist.

But I’m more interested in what the WG community might consider the least cared about show on television (“at least among shows with a reasonable expectation of being cared about”) and your arguments for why. My first thought was “NCIS,” but I know there’s a sizable population of middle-aged women with crushes on Mark Harmon that would beg to differ. I watch too much TV to be objective, so I put the question to all of you: What show do you care about the least?

* I do not have the same affection for Bill Simmons, but I’ve learned it’s best to keep one’s thoughts about the SportsGuy to oneself, as his following is as rabid, insane, and OMNIPRESENT as the following of Joe Rogan and Ron Paul, lurking in the shadows of the Internet with their Google Alerts and Twitter searches waiting to pounce on anyone who dares insult their leader.

Work It (ABC) – Just for fun, I Googled “‘Work It’ + review” a minute ago. HOO BOY. TV critics are absolutely taking a flamethrower to this show. Seriously, I might watch it just out of morbid curiosity. (NOTE: Do not do this if you are a Nielsen viewer. I will LITERALLY kill you.)

The Biggest Loser (NBC) – Season premiere. If you were wondering if the title of this show still makes me laugh after years and years on the air, the answer is a definitive “Yes.”

NCIS/NCIS: Los Angeles (CBS) – Mark Harmon and LL Cool J get lifetime passes for their involvement in Summer School and the song “Hey Lover,” respectively. Everyone else is on their own.

Celebrity Wife Swap (ABC) – Hand to God, this is what is happening on this show tonight: the wives of Gary Busey and totally-not-gay-ok-maybe-a-little-gay minister Ted Haggard are swapping places. Jesus Mighty. If only for this one episode, the title of this show should be changed to “The Most Patient and Understanding Women Alive.”

Chopped (Food Network) – For the entrée round, the chefs must cook “a meat with a peculiar name.” Like what, D’Brickashaw?

LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Everyone is back tonight and most of them have decent guests, but HOLY CRAP listen to this lineup on Leno tonight: Whitney Cummings, Snooki, and musical guest will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas. This is the most Leno lineup imaginable. Like, if you figured out a way to concentrate all the years of all the shows he has done into a test tube of 100% Leno extract, this is what you would get. It is the weaponized DERP of late night talk shows.

Inside Story: Santa Clause (BIO) – Ever wonder how/why Tim Allen’s The Santa Clause was made 17 years ago? Yeah, me neither, but at 8 p.m., it’s either this, “Glee,” or Allen’s new turd of a contribution to pop culture, “Last Man Standing.” MERRY CHRISTMAS, AMERICA.

Raising Hope (FOX) – I’m a sucker for It’s a Wonderful Life parodies, and this is supposed to be a great one. It wonders what Jimmy’s life would look like if he had never met Hope’s serial killer mom, played by Bijou Phillips?

NCIS/NCIS: Los Angeles (CBS) – It’s religion night on CBS, with episodes of various “NCIS”’ named “Newborn King” and “Higher Power.” And somewhere, a Tebow smiles.

Proving God (History) – “New scientific discoveries and digital age technology try to reveal tangible proof of God.” I’m going to guess the scientists didn’t find enough evidence either way to prove that He/She does or doesn’t exist. Just a hunch.

My Big Breasts and Me (BBC America) – As I’m sure you’re aware of, this special originally aired in 2007. But considering it’s a weak night for TV, why not settle in with an old favorite?

Late-Night Guests: Barbara Walters and Bill Hader discuss their riot grrrl days with Wild Flag on Letterman; Dana Carvey and Lenny Kravitz wonder what went wrong, while Jason Reitman hypes Young Adult on Leno; Death Cab for Cutie sing about feelings to Josh Holloway and Molly Sims on Kimmel; Morena Baccarin and Ben Kingsley chat about how best to put Ghandi in “Homeland” on Ferguson; Nick Vatterott and Nick Frost make quips about sharing a first name on Conan; Lawrence Lessig explains that money is destroying our society on Stewart; and Mark Whitaker answers the age-old question of what it’s like to be Executive Vice President of CNN on Colbert.

Not as sexy as I imagined.

All things considered, the older members of my family have pretty decent TV-watching habits. My mom can quote “The Simpsons” with the best of them. My uncle has seen every episode “The Wire” and “Curb Your Enthusiasm” and he’s currently catching up on “Doctor Who,” while my aunt loves “Parenthood.” But when I extend the family to include second cousins and aunts-by-marriage and grandparents, things take a turn for the worse, especially during Thanksgiving. That’s when we’re all at a table for a long time, and when the “how are you doing?” conversations run dry, talk often turns to TV — more specifically, to “Two and a Half Men,” “NCIS,” and “Blue Bloods,” and how the Professor Professorson episode of “Community” is the “least funny thing” they’ve ever seen. I already dread the inevitable “2 Broke Girls” banter.

What awful shows does your family talk about during Turkey Day? Do you keep your mouth shut when they discuss “Two and a Half Men”? Or do you tell them that the only half-man worth caring about is Tyrion Lannister on “Game of Thrones”? Dare you defend the honor of good TV? What’s the worst show you’ve ever heard your mother-in-law defend? Thanksgiving might be the only day you’re going to see your entire family until next year’s holidays — why not tell them that “Law & Order: SVU” isn’t nearly as good as they think it is?

NCIS (CBS) — “How do you solve a murder when your father is the prime suspect?” Well, you probably are taken off the case, but disregarding the thinnest shred of realism has never stopped “NCIS” before. Robert Wagner guest stars as Michael Weatherly’s father, and only time will tell if Mark Harmon & Co. can help Wagner walk away from murder charges like he did with Natalie Wood.

Rock Stars (Nat Geo) — Series premiere. Another docu-drama in the “danger blue-collar profession” vein, this series follows crews working to stabilize rock faces that threaten to endanger human life below.

Dancing with the Stars (ABC) — Season finale. If Rob Kardashian, who has done nothing noteworthy with his life except be related to sluts, defeats J.R. Martinez, who was burned alive in a Humvee in Iraq while serving his country, it might just be the last straw for me. I may have to quit this job to hunt down and eradicate every member of the Kardashian family.

Workaholics (Comedy Central) — Season finale. The guys plan the coolest Thanksgiving ever: going to party resort Hedonism II.

Sons of Anarchy (FX) — The club’s building animosity towards an ever-more-villainous Clay makes me think that his death feels almost TOO inevitable. I feel like Kurt Sutter might be leading us up to a big left turn that leaves Clay alive going into Season 5.

LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Amy Sedaris on Letterman; Dane Cook on Leno; Dana Delany and David Beckham on Kimmel; Jason Segel on Ferguson; Howie Mandel and Warming Glow Illegal Jailbait Crush™ Chloe Moretz on Fallon. That girl needs to turn 18 with a quickness.

SITE NEWS: Sorry to ditch out a little early, but I’ve got a flight to catch. We’ll be back tomorrow with some features from Josh Kurp and a mostly-full day of posting.

New Girl (Fox) — The hit comedy returns after its World Series/”X Factor”-induced hiatus. I’ve enjoyed it so far, but I’m afraid I might develop some Zooey fatigue soon. Also, the guy who plays the douchebag friend is almost intolerable.

NCIS (CBS) — Melinda McGraw, recipient of the most famous televised fingerbang in history, guest stars as the ex-wife of both Gibbs (Mark Harmon) and Fornell (Joe Spano).

Last Man Standing/Man Up! (ABC) — These still exist. The only TV show with an exclamation point worth watching is “Jeopardy!”

Sons of Anarchy (FX) — So yeah, Clay’s finally become the villain. I gotta say, Piney wasn’t very smart about delivering that ultimatum last week.

Glee (Fox) — “Glee Project” winner Damian McGinty joins the show as an Irish exchange student. Singing ensues.

Covert Affairs (USA) — Fall premiere. Welcome back, Piper Perabo. (Never gets old.)

LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Ben Stiller and Whitney Cummings on Letterman; Eddie Murphy on Leno; Adam Sandler and the Bangles (?) on Kimmel; Dennie Miller on Ferguson; Tracy Morgan and Mario Batali on Fallon; Condoleeza Rice on “The Daily Show”; Yo-Yo Ma on Colbert; Hugh Jackman on Conan.

Around these parts, we like to make fun of CBS for its large stable of copy-and-paste police procedurals and multi-camera comedies that pander to the lowest common denominator — it’s the only way that we can sleep at night knowing that those shows are massively popular. How popular?

According to Nielsen ratings data from Sept. 19 through Oct. 9, CBS has 20 of the top 30 shows among the broadcast networks in total viewership, making CBS the first network to accomplish such a feat. It was also the number one network in average viewership and in the 18-to-49-year-old demographic. Stalwarts “NCIS” and “NCIS: LA” certainly helped the network’s cause on Tuesday, garnering 18.7 million viewers and 15.4 million respectively. [NY Times]

Can we siphon off some of the Occupy Wall Street protesters and send them to CBS headquarters? The 99% need to realize that there are other channels with shows that don’t have laugh tracks and tell stories about people who aren’t cops. This is important, dammit.

New Q ratings come out a couple times a year, and the survey — which gauges how well-liked and memorable an actor is by the viewing audience — is always a terrifying connection to the part of America that gorges on CBS’s lineup of crime procedurals. The last time we talked Q ratings, we learned that the only actress in Hollywood with the same appeal as Tom Hanks is Pauley Perrette of “NCIS.”

This go-round, Perrette is the most popular actor on primetime television, and “NCIS” actors occupy five of the top seven spots. Only Jim Parsons (“The Big Bang Theory”) and Nathan Fillion (“Castle”) could crack “NCIS’s” turf.

So who’s after No. 1? Next up is Cote de Pablo, who plays Ziva on the CBS drama. No. 4 is NCIS lead Mark Harmon, No. 5 is David McCallum (Dr. Donald Mallard), and No. 7 is Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, aka Michael Weatherly.

Q ratings come in handy when networks want to gauge whether an actor is worth the time (and money) to cast and/or keep on the payroll. [EW]

Guhhhh. Let me translate that last sentence for you. “Q ratings come in handy when networks abandon artistic vision and cobble together shows from the opinions of focus groups.” Hollywood is the worst.

NCIS (CBS) — Bob Newhart guest stars. Whoa whoa whoa. An old person? On CBS? Am I reading this right?

White Collar (USA) — Winter premiere. The people who tell me I should watch “White Collar” have to be some of the most bored people in America. “You should watch it. It’s actually pretty good for what it is.” Oh, what a tantalizing description! Sign me up to spend an hour watching this blandly handsome white man!

Life Unexpected (CW) — Series finale. Calling it a “series finale” is a nice way of saying “no one watched it for two seasons and it’s not getting renewed.”

Parenthood (NBC) — Dax Shepard was on “Conan” last night. Dax Shepard should never be on anything ever.

Southland (TNT) — I gave this a shot for the first time since it started airing on TNT, and you know what? I actually kind of enjoyed it. It’s not as formulaic as most cop shows, and I like the way that it’s shot. Or maybe I just have a crush on Ryan from “The O.C.” Who can say?

Bizarre Food with Andrew Zimmern (Travel) — Season premiere. I don’t think I’ve ever said anything about this show except some variation of “Andrew Zimmern eats genitals.” But seriously, that dude eats a lot of genitals.

Yeesh. That’s a pretty boring night, so here’s a dog walking three other dogs:

[Telegraph UK, as seen on my tumblr]

I’m often frightened by just how much of America watches CBS’s relentless lineup of crime procedural dramas, but this fact was particularly startling to me: Pauley Perrette, who plays goth lab tech Abby in “NCIS,” has a Q score that ties Morgan Freeman’s and Tom Hanks’s as the highest in the country.

Marketing Evaluations, Inc., The Q Scores Company, has just released its January/February 2010 Performer Q study, which asked a representative sample of 1,800 children, teens, and adults to rate the familiarity and appeal of personalities. The surprising results: Perennial favorite Tom Hanks’ Q Score is now tied with Morgan Freeman’s and NCIS‘ Pauley Perrette’s — which means even though Perrette is roughly half as well-known as Hanks and Freeman, those who are familiar with her adore her. She’s the only female in the Top 10. [PopWatch]

Now, I’m not saying Perrette isn’t likable. But the most likable? The only female in a top ten populated by film icons like Tom Hanks, Clint Eastwood, Johnny Depp, and Harrison Ford is a television actress who plays a supporting role? Someone put Julia Roberts on suicide watch.