Although I’m all for the Occupy Wall Street protests, I can’t help but admit that I think this footage of cops using night sticks and mace on protesters (and a Fox camera crew) is pretty metal. The cop in the video has a couple home run swings in there.

I know that I’m supposed to be all, “Oh, shame on the cops, excessive force, et cetera,” but my pea-sized brain simply enjoys watching people getting beaten with clubs. It’s a soothing sound to me amid the cacophony of a protest. Whump, whump, whump. I just wish it was Wall Street finance guys getting hit like that instead of reporters.

[BuzzFeed]

This is supposedly footage of a reporter struggling to file a story from a G.O.P. party back in the ’80s, and while I can’t vouch for the veracity of that premise, I did take immense delight in the reporter’s growing frustration at the noise and people surrounding him. It’s like a precursor of Bill O’Reilly’s famous “We’ll do it live!” outburst, but with a snazzy beard like Dr. Benton Quest. More news people need to have beards besides Wolf Blitzer. Maybe Anderson Cooper should get one — er, grow one. Put those rumors to rest. You know, the rumors that he can’t grow a beard.

[BuzzFeed]

I have a confession to make: I am obsessed with stupid criminals. They’re like my favorite thing ever. You’ve all heard the stories — some bank robber wrote the threatening note on the back of a check with his address on the front, someone stopped for gas a mile from the robbery and was immediately caught, two guys handcuffed together foil their own escape by running into a light pole, etc. Well everyone hold your horses because HOLY CRAP this guy tried to rob a store dressed as Gumby. Yeah. I KNOW.

I’ve posted the video after the jump, and you should really check it out if only for the sheer ridiculousness of the whole thing, but the quick version is that this guy (and there is a 1 million percent chance it was a guy) walked in with his sidekick, told the clerk it was a robbery, and when the clerk justifiably laughed at him, reached for his pocket as though he had a weapon. Unfortunately for him, giant foam suits are fairly restrictive, so in the process of reaching for what may have been a weapon, he instead dropped 26 cents from his pocket on the floor. Then he left. Dressed as Gumby. After not only not robbing the store, but also leaving his own money behind. He’s like Dillinger if Dillinger was an incompetent plushie.

Look, I’m generally anti-armed robbery. But I swear to God if this leads to bunch of copycat crimes where dipsh-t brosephs dress up as goofy cartoon characters and fumble their way through failed robberies, I am in. All the way in. Hell, I may rent a helicopter and try to rob an art gallery as Launchpad McQuack. Carpe diem, right?

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Holy crap, this CNN report about a house infested with bees will make your skin crawl. There are so many bees that the reporter has to wear a beekeeping suit. The bees go so deep inside the house’s walls that the exterminator guesses that the nest has been growing for TEN YEARS. And I think me and Nic Cage speak for everyone when we say, “NOT THE BEES!!!”

THEY'RE IN MY HOUSE! MY HOUSE!!!! RAAARRRGGH!!!!

[BuzzFeed]

Unfortunately for me, Hurricane Irene didn’t destroy my apartment, so I have to work today. But at least I had a better time this weekend than Tucker Barnes, who gave a live report from the Ocean City, Maryland seawall while being sprayed with “sea foam” that was probably at least partly raw sewage. “It has a sandy consistency,” reports Barnes at one point. Important journalism. This should happen to everyone named Tucker.

[via BuzzFeed]