Holy crap, this CNN report about a house infested with bees will make your skin crawl. There are so many bees that the reporter has to wear a beekeeping suit. The bees go so deep inside the house’s walls that the exterminator guesses that the nest has been growing for TEN YEARS. And I think me and Nic Cage speak for everyone when we say, “NOT THE BEES!!!”

THEY'RE IN MY HOUSE! MY HOUSE!!!! RAAARRRGGH!!!!

[BuzzFeed]

Unfortunately for me, Hurricane Irene didn’t destroy my apartment, so I have to work today. But at least I had a better time this weekend than Tucker Barnes, who gave a live report from the Ocean City, Maryland seawall while being sprayed with “sea foam” that was probably at least partly raw sewage. “It has a sandy consistency,” reports Barnes at one point. Important journalism. This should happen to everyone named Tucker.

[via BuzzFeed]

This BBC report (video below) documents how 15-year-old Chloe Holmes got a bionic hand after she lost the fingers on her left hand from chicken pox-related blood poisoning, making her the youngest person in Europe to be fitted with bionic fingers. It’s a marvel of science and technology… and yet all I want to do is make a joke about the first high schooler in Europe to get a bionic handjob. I’m going to hell.

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If you would have told me on Friday that I would wake up on Monday and my first post of the day would have something to do with Kim Kardashian’s wedding, I would have assumed you were a crazy person. Or someone with top secret inside information. Or some sort of time traveling wizard from the future. Or maybe just one of my Upoxx bosses telling me to do a post about it for pageview$$$ reasons. What I’m getting at is this: I did not expect that there would be any way to make me give a single backflipping crap about her nuptials.

But then — OH, but then — this young hero came along and flipped the whole game on its stupid head. As a CNN reporter was doing a live spot from the event, he snuck up behind her, assessed the situation and proceeded to go full Bart Simpson. Making faces, dancing, and just being a weird awesome troll in general. I do not know who he is, why he was outside Kim Kardashian’s wedding in a backwards hat, where his parents were during this, or why the cameraman or producer or someone didn’t shoo him away. I do not care. The answers to those questions could possibly decrease my enjoyment of this video, and therefore I do not want them. Sometimes you just need to let art be art.

Video after the jump. I bet this kid knows a bunch of awesome skateboard tricks.

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Here is a Mexican news report about a local Justin Bieber concert selling out, and I am not exaggerating when I say that this is three minutes of pure, unadulterated chaos. Seriously, these girls are going absolutely insane. It’s like the scene in a movie right when a monster starts laying waste to a city. Just bodies and human suffering everywhere. Take special note of the fact that the reporter and camera person absolutely do not give a crap about these girls’ tears, and get right up in their faces for an interview. My Spanish is a little rusty/non-existent, but I’m pretty sure the gist of their exchange is something along the lines of “Why are you upset?” and “WHY OH GOD WHY JUST KILL ME NOW WHY.” Someone mail a Peabody Award to Mexico immediately.

One thing that I realized while watching this clip is how weird it is that there are people who could be THIS upset over Justin Bieber, and I can’t name a single one of his songs. I mean, I could guess. Probably something like “Girl, You’re My Baby, Girl” or “Dance, Girl (U Kno) (feat. DJ Slappy Davis).” Are those Justin Bieber songs? I bet I’m close. Anyway, my point here is this: teenagers are insane people who should be kept in cages.

via Buzzfeed