Well, I hope everyone’s cool with never falling asleep again, because artist Landon Meier has created a horrifically lifelike Charlie Sheen mask. And you too can terrify your friends and neighbors with Sheen’s dead eyes and creepy visage for the low, low price of $2,500.

“I have to sculpt each one separately and apply every hair and follicle,” Meier says. “They take a week to make, hence the $2,500 price tag.” [411mania]

Meier’s company, Hyperflesh, may sound like a sex toy company, but it actually creates several different nightmare-inducing masks that are far more unsettling than a 14-inch spiked dildo. Click through for more pictures and video of the mask in action. Not recommended for children or people contemplating suicide. I’d rather look at photos of war crimes.

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The Super Bowl ratings are in, and good news, America… WE DID IT! Confuse me with numbers, THR:

Super Bowl XLV Sunday night on Fox had a 47.9 metered market rating, tying with the 1987 Super Bowl as the highest rated ever in the metered markets, according to preliminary ratings from Fox Sports.

Wait, tying the 1987 Super Bowl? Tying. That’s like kissing your sister, or sticking your large hands in your boyfriend’s mouth to feed him popcorn as 100 million people watch in horror. Or something. And, look, I know “metered market” is an important TV term, but it’s not something Joe Sixpack-of-Miller-Light-Drinkers-Who-Order-Miller-Light-Because-The-TV-Says-Other-Beers-Are-For-Homosexuals like me can wrap our heads around. Spoon feed me, TV Squad:

Not only is Super Bowl XLV the most watched game ever, but it is the most-watched program in TV history.

More than 111 million viewers tuned in to see the Green Bay Packers go up against the Pittsburgh Steelers.

(*streamers fall from ceiling of apartment*) WHOO-HOO! USA! USA! USA!

It’s not all super fantastic news on the ratings, though. The post Super Bowl broadcast of “Glee” pulled in 26.8 million viewers, good for the show’s best ratings ever, but a 31 percent drop off from last year’s showing of “Undercover Boss.” It’s almost like airing a show totally at odds with the typical football, dudebrahbrodude demo right after the biggest football game of the year isn’t a good idea. I know, I’m shocked too.

Maybe next year they’ll listen to me and air my new reality show where flat-chested women compete in a billiards tournament, with the winner receiving free breast implants. I call it, “Rack ‘Em.”

I have no idea what this is supposed to be. But what it appears to be is a Japanese show called “Banana Street” that will rape your childhood memories. The hosts are dressed as Bert and Ernie, and as if it wasn’t creepy enough to see two Japanese guys in elaborate yellow and orange makeup, they proceed to teach fellow Japanese people some ins and outs of the English language. Specifically, sexually harassment and swearing. Thanks a lot, muppets on beloved children’s show turned perverted Japanese reality!

[BoingBoing via Videogum]