Hitler had a better haircut

Sebastian Oppenheim, the floppy-haired 16-year-old douchewattle of “NYC Prep” semi-fame, has appeared in photos with swastikas and a friend in Hitler garb.  Page Six says:

After finding a roll of electrical tape in the back of a car, Oppenheim and his “wingman,” Gabe, made swastikas with the tape, and Gabe put a piece under his nose to resemble a Hitler mustache. [...] Sebastian’s father, Jeff, pointed out to Page Six that Sebastian is part-Jewish and that the two had just seen the trailer for “Inglourious Basterds,” which features an over-the-top fuhrer. “But even if it was done in humor, along the lines of Mel Brooks, it’s inappropriate,” Jeff said. “I’ve had a talk with him. In no way was he thinking about what these symbols mean. He’s horrified. He meant no offense. He’s mortified and very apologetic.”

So what if he pretended like Nazis are cool?  You don’t see any of the actors in Unglorious Bass Turds taking heat for dressing up like Nazis, do you?  And why is everyone always making the Nazis out to be so awful, anyway?  Is it the attempted extermination of the Jews?  It is?  Well then.  I suppose that’s fair.

Best Week Ever uncovered a YouTube account consisting of nothing but squiggly animated spoofs of retarded Bravo reality shows. A couple more are posted after the jump.

The time I spent watching these clips represents more time than I’ve committed watching all of these actual shows combined, so I can’t vouch for the accuracy of the parody, but they’re pretty funny and obviously mean-spirited, so that’s good enough for me. They don’t make me any more likely to watch any of these shows, but they do make me yearn for the days when Dr. Katz used to air at least 14 times a day on Comedy Central. Ah, early years of Comedy Central, how I miss your unbroken hours of content featuring an almost complete lack of original programming.

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NYC Prep (Bravo) — Series premiere.  Previously on Warming Glow: I hate this show Part 1 and Part 2.  Some commenters who are meaner than I am have pointed out that the underage girls on the show aren’t even hot, but I didn’t notice because teenage girls don’t interest me at all.  **watches high school cheerleading competition on ESPN 2**

The Superstars (ABC) — The best part of tonight’s show was already on With Leather: model Joanna Krupa’s string of profanities directed at teammate Terrell Owens.  Also competing: congenital Olympic failure Bode Miller.

America’s Got Talent (NBC) — Hey America, did you like getting sick of the British version after only watching short clips of it?  Then you’ll LOVE two full hours on NBC!

Real Housewives of New Jersey (Bravo) — Part 1 of the reunion special.  Yawn.  Women be fightin’.

Better Off Ted (ABC) — My favorite new sitcom from last season returns from hiatus.  If you watch it and like it, there’s a chance we could become friends.  No promises, though.  A lot of people judge me for my club foot.

Man Caves (DIY) — It’s what happens after the woman withholds sex.

Late Show with David Letterman (CBS) — Letterman plans to make a move on Conan’s younger audience with guest Sandra Day O’Connor.  Wow.  Nice get and all, but isn’t she… y’know… old?

I’ve already spit up bile at the thought of Bravo’s new reality show, “NYC Prep.”  As you may recall, it focuses on the lives of six privileged high schoolers living in Manhattan’s wealthiest neighborhood, and the new video promo is… well, let’s just say I don’t think we’re gonna be friends, me and this show.   Here are some of the kids’ quotes from the clip:

“My biggest problem this week was that my tux wasn’t tight enough.”

“Everyone’s having sex with everyone.  There are, like, naked pictures of girls you had sex with or whatever.”

Ugh.  Listen, it’s not these kids’ fault that they were born with a silver spoon rammed up their ass.  I don’t want to indiscriminately hate them.  But COME ON, Bravo.  They’ve already been given everything in their lives without working for it — sure, let’s just give them a TV show, too!  Heaven forbid they not get something delivered to them gratis.  Maybe we can volunteer on the weekends to massage their genitals, too.  I mean, uh, after they turn 18.

Excuse me.   I’m sorry, it’s just so hard to write right now.  I’m typing with my fists, which isn’t easy, and most of the capillaries in my eyes have burst.  You see, some Tv executive liked the wealthy teenage characters and Manhattan prep school setting of “Gossip Girl” that they decided to make — ** breathes into paper bag** — a reality show version of it.  That’s right: “NYC Prep” comes to Bravo in June.

The docu-series will give an up-close and personal look at the lives of the latest and hottest teens on the planet: Camille, 16, blows off steam at NYC hotspots when taking a break from her studies and college applications; Jessica, 17, always gets what she wants, and what she wants is to get into FIT; Kelli, 17, wants to be a singer; Taylor, 15, doubles as a public school student; PC, 18, is your typical hot and spoiled rich kid; and [French-born] Sebastian, 16, boasts a reputation of hooking up with the hottest girls. [NY Post]

Says the press release: “Whether it’s on sophisticated vacations or to a townhouse for an exclusive midnight party, their lives intertwine as they network, shop, party, study, date and write college applications.” But, it continues, “privilege has its price. Despite their carefree lives, the pressure of lofty expectations can sometimes be too much for even the most confident teenagers.” [EW]

Oh no!  Not lofty expectations!  Why, if they don’t get into Yale, they’ll have to settle for Cornell, or some other expensive college that their parents can afford!  And then what?  They’ll either have to settle for a parentally-funded art career in an amazing apartment in New York — or be locked into a world of high-paying jobs thanks to their family’s connections!  Oh, the pressure!  I hope they can make it!  I’ll be rooting for these scrappy underdogs.

(Do you have the capacity for more hatred?  If so, check out the show description and bios)