Earlier this week, the Federal Communications Commission and Fox Television Stations went before the Supreme Court to argue whether the FCC’s current indecency standards are too vague. (They are.) It’s an attempt by lovers of boobs and the F-word everywhere to overturn a ruling from 1978, which banned TV and radio material deemed “indecent, but not obscene.” Because the FCC said so, that’s why.

From the New York Times:

The FCC’s policy prohibits indecent material and profane speech between 6 a.m. and 10 p.m. Violations may result in substantial monetary fines, loss of a broadcast license and other sanctions.

The agency has applied this policy so inconsistently that, as a brief for ABC Inc. and others argued, “broadcasters have no way to know what material the commission will deem indecent.” The FCC’s recent decisions, the brief said, are “a wilderness of confusion,” and fail to give fair notice of what is banned, as the law requires.

My official statement: more swearing and nudity. I’ll let people more legal-minded than I handle the specificities of the government-TV-deciding thingy (HELLOOO, Danger). I’m perfectly content skimming through the official transcript of the case for instances of old people saying “buttocks” and “Paris Hilton,” (un?)fortunately never in the same sentence:

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Oh man. This is a great mash-up of “Andy Rooney saying Andy Rooney things” by Holy Taco. Listening to a collection of random Rooneyisms is only slightly less coherent than his regular stream of consciousness. I love it.

“That’s a strange name, Holy Taco. What kind of meat would be in a holy taco? I guess it depends on your religion. Christians might have fish, I suppose. Jews don’t eat pork or shellfish, and I’ve heard that Muslims don’t eat pork either, but I’ve never confirmed that. I don’t like tacos, but I still attend church every Sunday. I enjoy the scripture, but I’m not much of a singer when it comes to hymns. I like hymns, though. I find them soothing. Today’s music isn’t soothing, it’s loud and percussive. If you ask me, it doesn’t even sound like music. Whatever happened to a pipe organ and four-part harmony? That works just fine for me, and you know what they say: if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

Do you ever get tired? I do. I get tired a lot. I used to just get tired at the end of the day before falling asleep. Sometimes I’d get tired in the middle of the day, and I’d drink a cup of coffee or take a nap. But now I’m tired a lot more often. I’m even tired right after I wake up! That’s why this Sunday will be my last regular appearance on “60 Minutes.” They say I can come back any time I want, but no one seems very enthusiastic about that. So I guess I’m retired.

That’s a funny word, “retired.” Re- means again, and tired means tired, so I guess I’m tired again. Lots of other words begin with “re-.” Remain. Recite. Review. Repeat. Resist. Return. Rebuff. Receive. Remember. I remember a lot of things, but sometimes I forget. Lately I’ve been forgetting a lot of things, like where I put my wallet or… there was something else, but I forget. And now that’s another thing I forgot!

Another “re-” word that bothers me is “recycle.” My granddaughter says we have to recycle, because that’s the only way to save the Earth. But I don’t know. I like throwing things away. I’ve done it all my life, and I don’t see why I should change now. That’s how we’ve always done it. You have something, then it gets old and boring, so you throw it away.

…I guess I’m being thrown away now, too. But that’s fine. I wouldn’t want to be recycled.

In Showtime’s ‘The Borgias,” Jeremy Irons plays the Pope Alexander VI, a horny and corrupt man who ruled the Vatican at the turn of the 16th century. As it turns out, Irons’s views on sexual harassment date from that same time period.

“Most people are robust,” he said. “If a man puts his hand on a woman’s bottom, any woman worth her salt can deal with it. It’s communication. Can’t we be friendly?”

Yeah, what’s with the lawsuit, lady? Wouldn’t it be easier if you just sucked me off instead?

The Oscar winner (Reversal of Fortune) said that there was too much legislation governing such matters. “It’s gone too far,” said the 62-year-old. “There are too many people in power with too little to do, so they churn out laws to justify their jobs. I hope it’s a rash that will wear itself out.” [Radio Times]

Yes, there are too many people in power making laws that endanger the jobs of people in power. But seriously, I support Jeremy Irons 100% here. Every day I wish that more women were okay with me grabbing their ass. And by “day” I mean “hour.” And by “more” I mean “all.”

The original “Bewitched” aired from 1964-1972, and is probably best remembered for swapping out Dick York for Dick Sargent in 1969 like nothing happened. It was made into a movie starring Will Ferrell and Nicole Kidman in 2005 (Rotten Tomatoes score: 25%), earning $65 million domestically on an $85 million budget.

You know where this is going, right? CBS wants to reboot this wildly successful franchise.

CBS and Sony are developing a script for remake of the classic sitcom Bewitched. This is still in very early stages, but it’s definitely a project worth keeping an eye on.

Sony ushered the return of Charlie’s Angels and the producers of the clunky film version are on board. Can you imagine the 2011 pitch of this show, about an ordinary suburban businessman who discovers his wife has magical powers? “It’s Harry Potter meets Desperate Housewives!” [EW]

Let’s say that CBS’s ideal viewer of this reboot watched the entire show as a child. Hypothetically, this viewer might have been 9 years old when the show began, 17 when it concluded. That’s a birth year of 1955. Assuming the reboot would make it to air in 2012 or 2013, CBS’s target viewing audience will be 57 or 58 years old. And do you know what that means? CBS is going after a younger audience.