‘Man beats off hungry bear.’ I suppose a handjob is an acceptable substitute for a sandwich.  [BuzzFeed]

It’s a done deal. Michael Ausiello is reporting that Neil Patrick Harris will, indeed, host the Emmys this September.  That’s good news, as I don’t see how I could get away with not watching them.  [EW.com]

You can make pot-infused vodka??? Ten weed recipes for the holiday weekend.  The founding fathers grew weed, man.  It’s, like, patriotic to get high. [Hail Mary Jane]

Lisa, it’s your birthday. Happy Birthday, Lisa. “The Simpsons” will re-air “Stark Raving Dad,” the episode in which Michael Jackson lent his voice to a mental patient.  It will be the first time Fox has aired the episode since 1993.  Meanwhile, it’s been played in syndication a good 600 times.  [NYT Media Decoder]

Bones heal, chicks dig scars, and the United States of America has the best doctor-to-daredevil ratio in the world. Celebrate America’s birthday by watching Evel Knievel jump his motorcycle over stuff.  [Best Week Ever]

Speaking of birthdays… Olivia Munn turns 27 today.  Watch William Shatner call her a whore. [OliviaMunn.com]