Jason Segel, the Muppets, and cameos by Paul Rudd and Olivia Wilde were enough to make this weekend’s “Saturday Night Live” the highest-rated episode of the season, pulling in as many 18-49 viewers as the excellent Charlie Day episode a few weeks ago. (Oh, and Florence + the Machine were there, too.)

Fittingly, the quality of the show matched Day’s energetic performance as host. While I find the Kissing Family sketch to be insultingly stupid and cheap, I’ll admit that there are probably Warming Glow readers who want to see Jason Segel’s tongue in Paul Rudd’s mouth. So there you go.

On the following pages are my favorite sketches of the night, including an ’80s-hot Olivia Wilde and Segel’s incredible Andre the Giant impression.

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"...and THAT'S for the flash-sideways!"

Last night marked the return of Olivia Wilde to “House” as dangerous mysterious beautiful bisexual genius doctor Thirteen — easily one of the most realistic TV characters ever created. And as you can see in the video below, one of her scenes last night involved her showing up at the house of “Lost” co-creator Damon Lindelof and kneeing him in the groin. Strangely, I found myself jealous of both of them.

Now, I didn’t see the episode, but I choose to believe that Lindelof was appearing as himself, and not playing a character. I like the idea of Thirteen being on a rampage because of the way “Lost” ended. “All right, we’re settled up for the purgatory thing. Now let’s go to Michael Bay’s house — he still owes me twelve dollars for Transformers 2.”

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House (Fox) — Olivia Wilde returns as Thirteen in the show’s 150th episode. While Wilde has been off becoming a movie star, Thirteen has apparently been in prison. It happens to all the beautiful white female doctors.

Rediscovering Alexander Hamilton (PBS) — “Hamilton, he ain’t no president.” Awww, poor Wallace. #WireNostalgia

Law and Order: LA (NBC) — Spring premiere. The show’s been off the air for four months, during which time Dick Wolf has been making changes: writing Skeet Ulrich out, putting Alfred Molina in his place full-time, shortening the show’s title from “Los Angeles” to “LA,” and hoping desperately that CBS won’t air a crime procedural at the same time. Read Alan Sepinwall’s review here.

Dancing with the Stars (ABC) — Despite being crushed by Kirstie Alley last week, Maksim says his leg is fine. Nevertheless, I wouldn’t anticipate any overhead lifts tonight. Not without a forklift, anyway.

Being Human (Syfy) — Season finale. This American adaptation has already been picked up for a second season, though I don’t know why. Oh right, it’s because viewers like it when monsters act like emo pussies.

LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Foo Fighters on “The Daily Show,” MythBusters on Colbert, Alec Baldwin on Letterman, Jamie Foxx on Leno. You can alwats rely on Jay Leno to have the Jay Leno-est guests on TV. Full listings at TV Squad.

Not only did “Glee” debut its first two original songs on last night’s episode, it finally showed a kiss between Kurt (Chris Colfer) and Blaine (Darren Criss). It’s not the first gay kiss on the show, but it certainly was the most sensual, am I right fellas?

After months of hints and winks, fans of FOX’s hit musical finally got what they’ve been waiting for: The characters of Kurt and Blaine kissed for the first time. And it wasn’t a peck. It also wasn’t overtly sexual or desperate, it wasn’t rushed or clouded with turmoil, and it certainly wasn’t played for laughs, the way many kisses between men are on TV. It was perfect.

“It’s hard to overstate the significance of the kiss between Kurt and Blaine on ‘Glee’ last night,” [said] Michael Jensen, editor of Logo’s AfterElton.com. “Even better, it wasn’t the sort of kiss we saw back in the 1990s where the guys pecked each other on the lips — or worse, the camera cutaway — but this was a real kiss that hinted there is much more to come in this relationship. If we still needed proof how far gay characters have come on network TV, ‘Glee’ just gave it to us.” [PopEater]

They must mean gay male characters, because lesbian characters have always been awesome. Especially when the lesbian characters are really pretty femmes played by straight actresses, because they make such good role models for confused young women.

Come, join me for a trip back in time to 2005, when the second season of “The O.C.” featured Olivia Wilde as Alex, a minx who seduced Marissa (Mischa Barton) into a realm of sapphic pleasure. I show you these pictures solely in the interest of promoting tolerance and gay rights.

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I don’t mention Olivia Wilde often because I try to encourage women to have huge boobs, but the truth of the matter is that the “House” actress/burgeoning movie star is one of the most exquisite women in Hollywood. The only downside to fantasizing about her is that she’s been married to an Italian prince for the last eight years (since she was 18), so losers like me never got those prime “I have a chance!” fantasies that happen when a celeb is single.

Well, break out your voodoo dolls and telephoto lenses, because it’s time to start obsessing the right way:

It’s over for Olivia Wilde and her husband Tao Ruspoli. The House M.D. actress and her husband have mutually agreed to separate after eight years of marriage, PEOPLE has learned.

“They have been living apart after trying for quite some time to make their relationship work,” says a source… Wilde’s rep confirmed the separation but no other information was available. [People]

Reached for comment, Ruspoli said, “Ay! A prince no good for bellissima no more? Why you gotta make-a Tao cry in his spaghetti?!?”

Anyway, there’s only one way for a blogger to properly celebrate this momentous occasion: an unnecessary slideshow of Wilde in various states of undress! YEE HAW! Come on, click! Click, you fools! I need to make rent.

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