I’ve got my DVR set to record Oprah today, when Roger Ebert will debut his “new voice” in a segment that was recorded on Friday. I’m not yet sure whether I want to watch it, and even now I don’t feel confident in writing about it.
Much has been written by and about Ebert lately, all of it excellent: the ubiquitous Esquire profile with the haunting portrait of a man without a jaw, Ebert’s eloquent response to that, and yesterday’s Deadspin feature in which Will Leitch admitted to attacking his hero. But I don’t know about seeing Ebert in the medium where I first saw him. He now belongs in the world of letters — belongs to the world of letters — and I’m uncomfortable with seeing this lion of language in the physical state that betrays his greatness — not when I can read about it in his own words (or read about how Ebert gave Oprah her start, for that matter). What he’s doing right now is establishing himself as America’s best belletrist since E.B. White, and I’d like to think that’s something that transcends television.
Anyway, there’s an AP story about the episode here, if that interests you. It feels pretty disposable after two minutes on Ebert’s blog.
It is now open season on stereotypes of chunky housewives, as Oprah’s show today was filmed on a set made entirely of chocolate.
Chocolate seats, chocolate tables, a chocolate chess set, a chocolate grandfather clock, chocolate wall coverings, chocolate flowers in a chocolate vase … on and on. The set, created by Larry Abel, even includes a chocolate fireplace. (Warning: Do not light a real fire in there.)
Part promotion, part wow factor, the set was created with nearly 7,000 Godiva chocolate bars and 2,400 Godiva truffles. There’s a chandelier made from 1,500 pieces of chocolate. [The Oprah Blog]
I’m going to guess that Oprah bypassed the opportunity to have a guest, and instead just read “Cathy” comics all hour. Reached for comment, the studio audience said, “NOM NOM NOM.”
David Letterman was one of the big winners last night, as his promo for “Late Night” featuring Oprah Winfrey and Jay Leno did more with 15 seconds than most $3 million ads did with twice as much time (watch it below). Interestingly, Letterman’s people also reached out to Conan O’Brien for the spot:
Rob Burnett, executive producer of David Letterman’s “Late Show,” said he approached Team Coco about O’Brien appearing in the promo.
“There was an initial thought of having Dave, Jay and Conan together in the spot,” Burnett told TheWrap. “I did call Jeff Ross (O’Brien’s producer) to talk about it.”
But the call came just as O’Brien and Ross were finishing up production on “The Tonight Show” — and nothing ever came of the idea. “It wasn’t as if they even said no,” Burnett said. “I just think they weren’t in a position to consider it all.”
Frankly, I think having Dave and Jay on the same couch was enough of a surprise. The presence of Conan might have been too much awkwardness for my brain to comprehend. It would be like a supernova of awkwardness that would turn Michael Cera into a superhero.
Awww, he’s so cute when he’s sleeping! I also admire the T. Rex’s taste in interior decorating. The room’s palette is so soothing! [RoboShark]
I’m sorry, I can’t even look at him. So, I guess Oprah really let Jay Leno have it. I can’t really bring myself to watch the clips, though. I don’t want to hear his voice; I don’t even want to see him squirm. I’m just tired of him existing. [WWTDD]
It’s okay, the world’s ending in 2012 anyway. Zac Efron and Miley Cyrus are the future of Hollywood. [Pajiba]
High standards for someone with a ‘porn star in training’ hat. “Jersey Shore’s” Snooki turned down an appearance on Jerry Springer’s show, allegedly deeming it “not classy” enough. In a related story, while I was driving through Connecticut last night (thanks for not salting or plowing I-84, cocks), I heard on the radio that JWOWW will be at a car show on February 5th. [Fark]
Oh hey! The Miss America Pageant still exists! It’s on this weekend. Need to know who to root for? Which is to say: which ones look slutty? Here’s a primer. [Gunaxin]
It’s cool, I’d rather the money go to hiring trashy women. Five awesomely low-budget strip club commercials. [NextRound]
Midgets and pit bulls? Midgets and pit bulls. [It's the Pits]
The Most Memorable Super Bowl Ads. I didn’t realize Bird and Jordan playing HORSE originally debuted during the Super Bowl. Shame on me for not realizing that. THAT’S VALUABLE TRIVA! I think I can remember it if I just get rid of my ability to solve algebra problems. Who needs that anyway? [Inside TV]
I’d see it if Prince performed ‘Batdance’ live. Whoa, there was a Batman musical? [Comics Alliance]
CORRECTION: Brutus is a brown bear, not a grizzly. But the headline stays because it sounds better.
Seven years ago, Casey Anderson rescued a five-month-old bear cub. Fully grown, the bear, Brutus, stands seven and a half feet tall, weighs half a ton, and consumes 20,000 calories (about the same as your mom). In the video below, Anderson talks about what it’s like to have a bear for your best friend, and suddenly owning a dog seems pretty lame. Although I suppose my Rottweiler mix craps less.
What’s this have to do with TV, you ask? Well, the video comes from Oprah’s website. And sure, it’s from last May, but COME ON, people. I’m not going to ignore a man whose BEST FRIEND IS A BEAR. Think how easy life would be. You’d never have to wait to get the bartender’s attention at a crowded bar. No one would ever try to cut in front of you. If you had a grizzly in the back your pickup truck, I’d wager you could leave the keys in the ignition without a worry. And I’d probably go in person to the cable company. “Oh my God, a BEAR!” “You’ll have to pardon my friend. He hasn’t eaten today, and he gets angry when I wait on hold for twenty minutes to get a customer service representative.”
Sad pandas will have to make do with O Magazine
After much speculation, Oprah Winfrey has announced that she will end her daily syndicated talk show on ABC, devastating legions of middle-aged women who need Oprah to tell them what to think and what books to read.
The top-rated talk show host told her Chicago audience Thursday that she will conclude her show on Sept. 9, 2011 — when her current contract expires. The announcement will air during [today's] episode of “The Oprah Winfrey Show.” [The Live Feed]
What terrible news. How will I ever get by without not watching this show every day? What show can ABC possibly find that I’ll ignore with equal apathy? It’s like they’ve taken a hole in my life and filled it with a void.
