ABC is all reruns again tonight, so unless you’re into “Top Chef,” you’re screwed if you’re looking for good television during prime time.

American Idol (Fox) — Jim Carrey’s daughter is a contestant this season. Even if you didn’t know it was Jim Carrey’s daugther, after one look at her teeth, you’d know it was Jim Carrey’s daughter (video after the jump, if you’re interested)

Whitney/Are You There, Chelsea? (NBC) — Serious question: I only watched the dreadfully unfunny pilot of “Are You There, Chelsea?” Did it get any better? Because I no longer believe “Community’s” return hinges on its cancellation. I think NBC is going to burn through new episodes of “Parks and Recreation” and run “Community” in its place come April.

Top Chef (Bravo) — There’s a strange bicycle competition in tonight’s episode. I don’t know what that has got to do with cooking, but for the love of God, don’t look at Padma.

The Exes (TV Land) — I kept meaning to get around to watching an episode, if only because of my love for Donald Faison. Alas, this is the first season finale, so it looks like I’m too late. It’s probably best; I wouldn’t want to tarnish my fondness for him. Here’s the Turk Dance, anyway.

LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Howard Stern is on Letterman to help him celebrate 30 years on late night; Daniel Radcliffe is on Leno; John Krasinski does Kimmel; The Shat will sit with Craig Ferguson; Tracy Morgan — who hates his mother — will be on Fallon; and Brad F***ing Pitt will be on “The Daily Show.”

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It’s been a fairly disappointing season of “Top Chef” this year, thanks in part to the contract that the show signed with the state of Texas which requires that the show make everything Texas-themed in exchange for filming there. But I continue to watch because it is consistently the most well-cast cooking show on television, the food challenges are usually interesting, and because Padma Lakshmi is the hottest reality show host on television. I’m only human.

However, according to a diner at one of the tapings for an episode of “Top Chef,” Lakshmi doesn’t like to be looked at or talked to by we mere humans.

We were also given some basic directions:
Don’t look directly into the camera
Don’t look directly at Padma
Don’t talk to Padma.

And what was the scene like when Padma entered?

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Survivor (CBS) — What is wrong with these people? Did they not see last season? When Boston Rob won? Anybody who had a lick of sense would’ve taken the first opportunity to vote off the returning players, Ozzie and Coach. Now, they’ve let Coach — a mentally compromised man — run the show, and Ozzie is in an even better position on Redemption Island.

Psych (USA) — Jason Priestley and Tony (Buster) Hale guest star in tonight’s fall season finale, and apparently, midway through the episode, someone drops a bombshell. Three guesses: Shawn asks Juliet to marry him; Juliet says she’s pregnant; or Gus finally admits he’s in love with Shawn.

I Hate My Teenage Daugther (Fox) — But not as much as I hate this show.

The Soup: If this didn’t satiate your Joel McHale fix, then a new episode of “The Soup” ought to quench it. I’m pretty sure he won’t take his shirt off, though. But he might ride a unicorn while wearing a Rainbow Brite outfit.

Top Chef: I love “Top Chef.” It’s probably my favorite reality show, but this season there’s TOO MUCH Texas. Stop it with the chili and the steaks. If I wanted to watch someone make chili or steak, I’d tell my wife to get in the kitchen. And then she’d either laugh at me or kick my ass, depending on her mood.

The Funniest Commercials of the Year (TBS) — You could sit through 20 minutes of commercials to watch an hour long show about commercials, or you could just read this post, which contains the same commercials without the commercial interruptions.

It may surprise you to learn that “Top Chef” host Padma Lakshmi actually used to be a supermodel, given that you were likely only interested in her for her opinions on food and the deft way she tells contestants about their cooking challenges. Her unassuming grace and competence probably prevented you from noticing, say, her flawless skin or dramatic cheekbones or cascades of dark hair or bountiful Indian bosom.

Well, Padma’s back on the modeling wagon with a new boxing-themed photo shoot for Danskin. And I think I speak for everyone when I say that “Top Chef” needs to do a lot more boxing-themed episodes. Maybe even a boxing season. Rename the show “Top Boxer.” And instead of contestants doing challenges it’s just Padma jumping rope and sparring and finishing every episode with a long, hot shower. How am I not a TV executive yet?

Click through for pictures.

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Top Chef (Bravo) — Season finale. It’s down to loudmouth jackass Mike and the neurotic but deserving Richard. Since every reality show from “The Bachelor” to “American Idol” seems to screw up the champion, Mike will probably win. But the real winner in my heart will be the memory of Padma Lakshmi in a bikini.

Coal (Spike) — Series premiere. The producers of “Deadliest Catch” and “Ice Road Truckers” turn their blue-collar focus to West Virginia coal mining (a real growth industry, I’m sure). Frankly, if you want to watch some coal mining on TV, I recommend…

Justified (FX) — Tonight’s episode is generating a huge buzz among critics who’ve caught screenings of it. Raylan comes to the rescue of a coal executive who gets tangled up with the Bennett clan. Watch a preview below, and read an interview with Margo Martindale (Mags Bennett) here.

Web Soup (G4) — Season premiere. Man, it’s gotta suck to be Chris Hardwick. He came along and started doing “Web Soup,” then Daniel Tosh started doing his job better on a channel that people actually watch.

The Ultimate Fighter (Spike) — Season premiere. Welterweights with an eye on a UFC contract get guidance from heavyweight coaches Brock Lesnar and Junior Dos Santos. Lesnar’s advice to his disciples: “Try being more gigantic.”

Real Sports (HBO) — Surprise! NCAA football is completely corrupt. Try not to have a heart attack from this revelatory report.

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