Earlier this week, the Federal Communications Commission and Fox Television Stations went before the Supreme Court to argue whether the FCC’s current indecency standards are too vague. (They are.) It’s an attempt by lovers of boobs and the F-word everywhere to overturn a ruling from 1978, which banned TV and radio material deemed “indecent, but not obscene.” Because the FCC said so, that’s why.

From the New York Times:

The FCC’s policy prohibits indecent material and profane speech between 6 a.m. and 10 p.m. Violations may result in substantial monetary fines, loss of a broadcast license and other sanctions.

The agency has applied this policy so inconsistently that, as a brief for ABC Inc. and others argued, “broadcasters have no way to know what material the commission will deem indecent.” The FCC’s recent decisions, the brief said, are “a wilderness of confusion,” and fail to give fair notice of what is banned, as the law requires.

My official statement: more swearing and nudity. I’ll let people more legal-minded than I handle the specificities of the government-TV-deciding thingy (HELLOOO, Danger). I’m perfectly content skimming through the official transcript of the case for instances of old people saying “buttocks” and “Paris Hilton,” (un?)fortunately never in the same sentence:

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It’s well-documented that Oxygen’s “The World According to Paris” bombed from the get-go (something that Hilton naturally blamed on the network); therefore, it’s no surprise that Oxygen is canceling the show.

Hilton’s series was pretty much dead on arrival, earning barely 400,000 viewers for its June debut and sinking even lower in subsequent airings. The network isn’t officially commenting on its fate, but Vulture can exclusively report what’s been obvious to even the most amateur ratings watcher for weeks: Oxygen has no plans for a second season of The World According to Paris, unscripted industry insiders familiar with the situation confirm.

I don’t care about this either way — it’s not like I was ever going to watch Paris’s show if it lasted one season or eight. I’m really just making a story out of this because I enjoy stripping the color from a photo and giving it a big red CANCELED stamp. It just feels so good. It makes me excited for all the crappy new shows that are going to get canceled this fall.

There was a period of time in America where Paris Hilton garnered attention and headlines everywhere she went, thanks to the twin assault of a hit reality show (‘The Simple Life”) and getting stuffed in nightvision. But we’ve moved on as a nation since then, and “The World According to Paris,” Hilton’s new reality show, debuted to awful numbers (even for Oxygen) — something for which Paris blames the network.

“Paris is furious that the show didn’t premiere at the time it was supposed to,” an insider tells me when speaking about ‘The World According to Paris.’ “She worked her tail off doing promotion and publicity for the show and then because of a technical mistake, the show aired at a completely different time in a lot of markets.”

The show aired last Wednesday at 10 p.m. like it was supposed to. Also, in Paris’s world, “working your tail off” means “getting butt-hurt and quitting.”

Her busy week of promotion included a rough interview on ‘The View,’ where Barbara Walters and Whoopi Goldberg grilled the socialite on the frivolity of her show. She reportedly flipped out backstage and got into a shouting match with a producer. In short, it was a disaster and she canceled events because of it.

What an awesome person; I’m so glad she has her own television show. Ordinarily, I’d consider this story too frivolous and pointless to cover — and that’s saying something, since I led with video of a dog biting balloons today — but I saw this GIF interpretation of what happens on Paris’s show, and I wanted to share it:

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Okay, I think we’ve survived the worst of Hurricane Charlie’s strafing runs. Let’s hope this is the last edition of the Daily Sheen. For those of you already tired of the subject, here is a picture of a French bulldog with sunglasses.

REMINDER: CHARLIE SHEEN HITS WOMEN. In a scathing and completely on-point editorial in the New York Times, Jezebel’s Anna Holmes illuminates how the media has been soft on Sheen’s violence against women just because his women tend to be whores. It’s a great point, but c’mon, Anna: tiger’s blood. F-18. Vatican assassin warlock. Tell me that wasn’t worth it. [NYT]

THIS WILL MAKE YOUR DAY. While I’m getting fatigued with Sheen-isms, I absolutely loved the Emilio Estevez meme that Vince and friends developed on the Frotcast. Emilio’s just slightly less gnarly than his big brother. [FilmDrunk]

BROOKE MUELLER, PARIS HILTON, REALITY SHOW. Paris Hilton says that her new reality show will include the drama of her friend Mueller, who happens to be going through some stuff with ex-husband Charlie Sheen. Perhaps you’ve heard of him. [WENN/Yahoo]

SURVEY SAYS: A-HOLE. This one’s going to shock you, but apparently stating that you’re better than normal people will alienate you from the normal people who are your audience. After watching Sheen’s “Good Morning America” appearance, “85% of the 748 Americans polled by HCD said they did not think Sheen could remain drug-free. The number of people who said it was appropriate for CBS to shut down ‘Two and a Half Men’ for the rest of the season after Sheen’s outbursts rose 10 percentage points (from 54% to 64%) after they saw Sheen’s remarks on ABC. Viewers also downgraded him on likability, believability and sincerity after seeing the video.” [LA Times]

Hey, remember Paris Hilton? Well, she apparently still exists, and she stars in this Brazilian commercial for Devassa Bem Loura beer. It’s typical “pretend this fake-looking blonde is sexy” stuff, but it doesn’t seem likely to air in Brazil. Ad Gabber says:

No less that three investigations into the ad have been launched. It’s too “sensual.” It encourages excessive consumption. It’s sexist and disrespectful to women.

Um, this is the Brazil on planet Earth we’re talking about, right? The Brazil where it’s okay for JOURNALISTS to pose for pictures like this (NSFW)? Sorry, I hate to point out the obvious here, but if anything this commercial is going to get banned for not being sexy enough. There are millions — literally, millions – of women in Brazil who could make that commercial sexier than Paris Hilton.