Today is the first official day of autumn, so you celebrities out there can finally exhale: the seasonal orgy of death has come to a close. I’ll always remember summer ’09 for the days that Twitter taught me how to grieve: for David Carradine’s apparent Michael Hutchence impression, for Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson on the same day, for a 4th of July marred by Steve McNair’s murder.

Some people will tell you that there wasn’t a death trend, and you need to seek out those contrarians and hammer their gonads with a rubber mallet. Jezebel recently made the mistaken claim that because a couple people who were most famous in the ’70s and ’80s died, today’s writers — mostly in their 30s and 40s — waxed nostalgic and thus it was misdiagnosed as a trend.

In 2008, for example, we lost Studs Terkel, in his nineties, like Cronkite; Paul Newman at 83, like [Dominick] Dunne; Michael Crichton of cancer in his sixties, like Fawcett; Tim Russert of a heart attack in his late fifties, like Hughes and Carroll; Bernie Mac unexpectedly at age 50, like Jackson; not to mention Jeff Healey and Brad Renfro, respectively far too young and far, far too young. Beloved Golden Girl Bea Arthur died in 2009 — and beloved Golden Girl Estelle Getty died in 2008. So what’s the big deal about this year?

Oh, I’m sorry. Help me out. Which former All-Pro and NFL MVP was shot in the chest at age 36 by his mistress in 2008? Which badass actor died of autoerotic asphyxiation in Thailand in 2008? You’re telling me this was normal? You can blame a celeb-obsessed culture and Twitter all you want, but there’s no getting around the fact that a high number of celebrity deaths were grouped unusually tightly over the course of a season.

And now it’s over. I’m kind of nostalgic for it already.

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Oh, this is a treat. I haven’t made my through all of it yet, but there’s a YouTube playlist that features content from “The Renegades,” a 1982 action/drama series starring Patrick Swayze as Bandit (and also Kurtwood Smith, the dad from “That 70s Show”), the leader of a gang that, according to Wikipedia, is “given the choice of going to jail for their crimes” OR… “becoming a special police undercover unit.”

After the success of the movie The Warriors, Hollywood looked to take the youth gang concept and market it to TV. In 1981, Swayze did a TV show, Return of the Rebels, about an ageing [sic] motorcycle gang who get together to help a friend who owns a popular campground that is being threatened by a band of arrogant groupies. However the show didn’t catch on and was quickly cancelled.

Brother team Lawerence and Charles Gordon tried to market Swayze’s rebel look, combine the gang concept with a police angle and came up with The Renegades. It too didn’t do well and due to weak rating ABC pulled the show. [Wikipedia]

Wow, a gang forced to be cops? That’s hilariously moronic and yet undeniably awesome. Although it really goes to show you how much times have changed. Back in 1982, white people had gangs.

[I-Mockery via TV Tattle]

Ah, man. Patrick Swayze died last night at the age of 57. This sucks. Last week I had something on my Twitter feed asking Death to get a couple more celebrities before the end of summer, but I didn’t mean Patrick Swayze. Be careful what you wish for, I guess.

Anyway, most of Swayze’s work came in film (you can get the movie-centric obit at FilmDrunk), so I’m here to celebrate his work in television. Most recently, Swayze starred in A&E’s “The Beast,” but there’s one TV moment he’ll always be remembered for, and that’s the “Saturday Night Live” skit in which he and Chris Farley go toe-to-toe in a Chippendales audition (see video below). And that skit, as funny as it is, captures the serious balance of Swayze’s appeal onscreen: he could turn Dalton — the deadly bouncer in Road House — into a sensitive intellectual who practices tai chi just as easily as he could make dancing not seem gay. I only wish more actors emulated his humble grace. And his mullet.

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“What’s on Tonight” is what happens when I go through the TV guide and make fun of select listings.  It is NOT the evening’s best or recommended programming.  So please, quit bitching about your show not being on here.

The Beast (A&E) — It’s the season finale, and it looks like Patrick Swayze won’t be around next season.  Ahem.

Grey’s Anatomy (ABC) — Hector Elizondo guest-stars as… I dunno, somebody’s dad.  Will he lose his mind and blast the heads off all the doctors with a shotgun?  No, but that’s what it would take for me to watch.

Smallville (CW) — This show has been on for EIGHT YEARS, and it just got renewed for another season in February.  So I have to ask: Who the F is watching this show?  Who are you people?  Where do you live?  Have you considered hobbies?

Hell’s Kitchen (Fox) — Gordon Ramsay cooks for the final four.  “You see?  YOU &#@ing IDIOTS!!  THIS is how you prepare a @#&ING meal! **clears throat** Would you care for more potatoes?”

Southland (NBC) — I really enjoy this show, and yet it’s done really well in the ratings so far.  Which makes me question my judgment.  Maybe it sucks and I just don’t realize it?  Because I seriously doubt millions of people have taste.