Here’s the eight-minute preview of “The X Factor” that I think ran on Fox yesterday. Basically, it’s “American Idol” with tiny tweaks so that Simon Cowell can make more money than he did as an “Idol” judge. And frankly, I don’t think Nicole Scherzinger is a good replacement for Cheryl Cole, but then I wasn’t going to be watching this show anyway, so the point is moot. My feelings on the Cheryl/Nicole thing, however, were calmed by the rich prose and razor-sharp punctuation of YouTube commenter goPrisonbreakgo:

Cheryl has been my idol since i was 8 years old and im fifteen now. the press is making a big deal out of nothing. of course chez is upset because she departed the way she did, but she knows that its about the contestants. she was a popstar before the x factor and she’ll be fine after it. Nicole is an amazing judge and she will definitely bring out the best of her contestants in the live shows. I loved her because of her warm personality and her amazing songs and she will always be my idol

Well put. I was going to join the discussion in the YouTube comments, but I thought “BEWBS!!!! ( . ) ( . )” might be too highbrow.

There have been a slew of rumors about Cheryl Cole since she was reportedly fired four days into filming the U.S. version of “The X Factor” debuting this fall. Yesterday, The Hollywood Reporter confirmed that Cole was offered her job back and would “likely” return, then six hours later reported that Fox and production company Fremantle would buy out Cole’s contract. So for the moment she appears to be fired, but who knows? Here’s the most recent update:

According to a high-level industry source, after engaging in some legal brinksmanship the powers behind the show have concluded that it’s best to pay Cole the reported $1.5 million she was owed under her contract and say goodbye.

The source says it was clear that the chemistry wasn’t working among the judges from the start and that Cole lacked chemistry with Paula Abdul.”There was no spark,” this source says. “It was nobody’s fault. It just didn’t work.” [THR]

Let’s clear something up: it was definitely Paula’s fault. That broad is completely useless unless you need to get rid of your pill stash. This is an abomination. I’d rather watch Cheryl Cole doing nothing than Paula Adbul doing anything.

UPDATE: Newest new-new word: According to EW’s James Hibberd, Nicole Scherzinger will replace Cole.

Apparently, Kara DioGuardi was on “Lopez Tonight” recently, and discussed an incident a few years ago where she ate pot brownies at Paula Abdul’s house. I say “apparently” because there aren’t enough pot brownies in the world to get me to watch an episode of “Lopez Tonight” with Kara Dioguardi as a guest. So I’m taking CNN’s word for it. Anyway, speaketh Kara:

“The maid at the time found these brownies in the freezer,” she recalled. “She took them out, put them in the refrigerator, and I hadn’t really eaten much that night… They were these little nuggets, little, you know? I take six, not a lot.”

Six hours later, “I was like, ‘Hey, what’s going on?’” remembered the host of Bravo’s upcoming “Platinum Hit.” “I fell out of bed, on the floor and stumbled down stairs… and the ambulance comes, and this guy is like, ‘This b— is high as a kite!”‘

Dioguardi went on to insist that the brownies weren’t Abdul’s, but were brought by a friend. As ridiculous as that sounds, it’s not the important part of this story. Nor is the part where she was taken to the hospital and put on an IV for three days. No, the important part of the story is SIX! SIX BROWNIES! Jesus, Kara. Save some for the rest of us, piggy. I can’t even imagine how mad I’d be if I had a party and laid out food and drink, and some chick rooted through my kitchen and ate six of my brownies. Brownies I had SPECIFICALLY kept away from my guests. She deserved everything she got.

In summation, I like brownies very much.

Although Fox has yet to confirm it, various sources are saying that Cheryl Cole is out as a judge on the American “X Factor,” and that she’ll be replaced with Nicole Scherzinger, the Pussycat Doll/”Dancing with the Stars” champ who was originally signed to be the show’s co-host (Scherzinger has been a guest judge on the British “X Factor”). But it’s unclear whether Cole quit or got fired:

The Geordie beauty, 27, is homesick and it is thought her place will be taken by former Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger. A senior show source said: “It hasn’t worked out. She’s homesick and wants to return to the UK. She’s had enough.” [The Sun]

Cole was dropped from the judging panel on “X-Factor” largely because producers were concerned her English accent would be too difficult for an American audience to understand … sources close to the production tell TMZ.

There were other issues too — we’re told Cheryl and fellow judge Paula Abdul had a “lack of chemistry” … and Cheryl was more expendable. [TMZ]

Neither one of those explanations makes any sense. Cheryl wants to be super-famous and America is way better than England, so that homesick thing is crap. At the same time, it’s B.S. to fire her for her accent when Paula Abdul is slurring her way through another round of auditions. If anything, they should fire Paula and have Nicole and Cheryl sit next to each other at the judges table. And then they should make out.

I'm with stupid.

Simon Cowell’s “X Factor” began taping in Los Angeles yesterday, and for some reason Paula Abdul was there. My first assumption was that she wandered through by accident while searching for prescription medication, but it turns out that she actually had a seat at the judges’ table with Cowell, Cheryl Cole, and L.A. Reid.

The reunion between the former love-hate ”American Idol” colleagues was preceded by plenty of offstage drama, so much so that it was in doubt much of the weekend whether Abdul’s deal would be ready in time for Sunday’s first day of auditions…

Though the huge audience cheered and groaned at a variety of amateur acts in the state-of-the-art basketball arena, it was Cowell and Abdul who were clearly the star attractions. Their opening remarks were interrupted by cries of “We love you, Paula.” [LA Times]

I can only assume those were sarcastic cheers. “Oooh, yeah, we totally love you, Paula. You’re the greatest! Even better than other singers from 20 years ago who are far more coherent. Please, fill us with knowledge and insight.” I’m not sure if you can make a dismissive wanking motion with one of those big styrofoam “#1″ fingers, but I hope that they tried.