While campaigning in Iowa yesterday, presidential candidate Mitt Romney ruffled America’s giant, yellow feathers. If he were head-of-state, Romney said, he’d stop government subsidizing for PBS, forcing shows like “Sesame Street” to collect funds from advertisers. Then, the M is for money quote:

“I like PBS, we subsidize PBS. Look — I’m gonna stop that, I’m gonna say PBS is gonna have to have advertisement. We’re not gonna kill Big Bird, but Big Bird’s gonna have advertisements, all right.”

Maybe it’s because I’m a corporate hack, sitting here in my Old Navy hoodie, but all things considered, I don’t think this is that big of a deal. The idea of cutting funding for such an insignificant portion of America’s budget is incredibly misguided and totally beside the point (.00014% of America’s $3.456 trillion budget went to the Corporation for Public Broadcasting in 2010, according to Politico), but I’m not against advertising as a rule. Just because “Sesame Street…seems lost in time,” which is evidently a valid reason not to change something according to EW, doesn’t mean the show’s charm would be lost if a Coke ad aired during the commercial break. It would then be up to PBS to not become the profit-driven monster they’re trying so hard not to be. Or else.

That being said, Romney picked the dumbest possible way of getting his message across. I can’t wait for his next speech: “Now, I’m not saying Bambi’s mom deserved to be shot, but…”

Nature: Radioactive Wolves (PBS) — The documentary series’ 30th season begins with a look at the thriving wildlife — particularly wolves — in the abandoned area surrounding Chernobyl. Somehow, I suspect it will not be as cool as the banner image.

Luther (BBC America) — Season finale. I’m pretty mad that I didn’t make it a point to watch this season, but in my defense I can catch up any time. A season of British TV is like three hours long.

Not the World Series (Fox) — It’s raining in St. Louis, so you can expect to see a lot of Joe Buck’s huge stupid forehead before the game gets postponed.

Modern Family/Happy Endings (ABC) — Phil takes Haley to look at colleges; guest star Gilles Marini hits on Claire. Meanwhile, I think I like “Happy Endings” better even on the weeks when “Modern Family” makes me laugh more. I blame that on the Emmys.

Up All Night (NBC) — It’s a flashback episode to when the baby was born. Because we’ve grown so attached to it over the first four weeks.

Revenge (ABC) — This seems to have gained a faithful following since debuting last month, but I haven’t seen it because I don’t have a vagina.

Suburgatory (ABC) — I found the pilot enjoyable, but I was put off by how bright and pink most of it was. I mean, it’s supposed to be Westchester, not Orange County.

Jerry Lewis, the 85-year-old comedian who’s famous for things your parents might have seen, will not host the Muscular Dystrophy Association telethon this year, and the MDA issued a press release announcing that he was no longer the organization’s chairman.

Just last week Lewis told reporters as he promoted “Method to the Madness of Jerry Lewis,” an Encore documentary about the legendary star, not to believe everything that had been reported, when asked if he was definitely out of hosting the MDA Telethon. [Access Hollywood]

On one hand, I want to handle this gently, because the MDA is a good cause and Lewis worked hard for it for so many years, and now he’s minutes away from dying (probably).

On the other hand, who gives a sh*t. Telethons started losing their relevance when the remote control got invented. The fact that the MDA is still relying on one when people have the internet and a couple hundred cable channels should tell you how well the organization is navigating the 21st century. Oh, they got rid of the 85-year-old host? Great job. Maybe in another 20 years they can tell me what the year 2011 is like.

Leigh and Leslie Keno, the twins who host PBS’s “Antiques Roadshow,” will make the leap to television that people actually watch with a new show on Fox called “Buried Treasure.” I’m sure it will be nothing like “Antiques Roadshow”…

The brothers will travel the country hunting for hidden gems in peoples’ homes. Using their expertise and technology to determine authenticity and condition, the duo will reveal each item’s estimated auction value and gives the family a chance to sell. [EW]

…ir it will be exactly like “Antiques Roadshow,” but with some flashy graphics that PBS can’t afford.

“Right now, a lot of people in America need cash, and we’re helping them find it in their own homes,” says Joe Livecchi, series creator and executive producer… “We don’t really look at this as an antiques show because every episode is a treasure hunt.”

To help foster the idea that this is a treasure show and not an antiques show, I’ve provided some conceptual art in the banner image. Because the only way I’d ever watch this is if the Kenos dressed and talked like pirates the entire hour. Eye patches or GTFO.

Freedom Riders (PBS) — It’s been 50 years since the nonviolent Freedom Riders took their interracial bus trip through the segregated South, and this documentary covers the nonviolent protesters who deliberately violated Jim Crow laws at the risk of their personal safety. Preview embedded below. (Pictured: James Zwerg after being beaten by a racist mob. You can learn more about him here.)

Castle (ABC) — Season 3 finale. A character that has been around since the beginning of the show will die tonight. How much you wanna bet it’s a black or Hispanic guy?

Chuck (NBC) — Season finale. It’s the long-awaited wedding of Chuck and Sarah. Honestly, I never understood the passion for this show. The little bit of charm that it has is more than negated by some of the hokiest action scenes on TV.

Real Housewives of New Jersey (Bravo) — Season premiere. Coke whore felon Danielle Staub is no longer part of the cast; she’s been replaced with two other women that I’m sure I’d hate if I ever wasted an hour of my life sitting through an episode.

OTHER SEASON FINALES: “Gossip Girl” (CW), “Hawaii Five-0″ (CBS), “How I Met Your Mother” (CBS), “Mad Love” (CBS), “90210″ (CW), and “Wedding Wars” (VH1).

LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Julianna Margulies and uber-douche Andy Cohen on Letterman; Eva Mendes on Leno; Zach Galifianakis on Conan; Eva Longoria and Ellie Kemper on Lopez; and Howie Mandel and Cee-Lo Green on Fallon. Why did we start using Cee-Lo’s last name? Are there other Cee-Los I should know about?

For the last two decades, Ken Burns has entertained and educated people without cable by interviewing men with beards. Having already made documentaries about the Civil War and World War II, he’ll next tackle the American conflict in Vietnam. But don’t get too excited just yet — the new doc isn’t scheduled to air until 2016.

The series will explore the military, political, cultural, social, and human dimensions of what has been called “the war of lost illusions.” It will focus primarily on the human experience of the conflict, using eyewitness testimonies of so-called “ordinary” people – Americans as well as Vietnamese – whose lives were touched by the war. Parallel to the unfolding military narrative, the series will also tell the story of the millions of American citizens who became deeply opposed to it, taking to the streets in some of the largest protest demonstrations the nation has seen.

Whew, that’s a relief. Finally, someone is going to give baby boomers a chance to talk about Woodstock. Hey Ken Burns, can you sell this project by talking down to me?

“Today, more than four decades after it ended, nearly everyone has an opinion about the Vietnam War, but few Americans truly know its history and there is little consensus about what happened there, or why,” said Ken Burns. “Our series will shed light both on the history of the war, and on our inability to find common ground about it.”

Ah, that’s nice of Ken to finally shed light on this war that nobody knows anything about.

I’ve got a better idea. Since it’s gonna be five years until this documentary comes out, here are five books about Vietnam that will be more informative and entertaining. Read one a year and you’ll be in better shape than someone sitting around and waiting for Burns to get his sh*t together.

• Fire in the Lake by Frances FitzGerald.
• A Bright Shining Lie by Neil Sheehan.
• The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien.
• A Rumor of War by Philip Caputo.
• Fields of Fire by James Webb.

A lot of people will also suggest Dispatches, but I tend to prefer first-person accounts from soldiers rather than journalists. You also can’t go wrong with We Were Soldiers Once… And Young, but that battle happened before public opinion turned against the war, and thus isn’t as representative of the war. I also enjoyed In Pharaoh’s Army by Tobias Wolff and Fortunate Son by Lewis Puller Jr. But hey, nobody knows what happened in Vietnam, right, Ken Burns? Maybe we should just wait five years for you to inform us.

Shelley Duvall is the actress who was born to play Olive Oyl — and nothing else. Nonetheless, film directors in the 1970s were transfixed by her bug eyes and the rows of teeth in her Scylla-like maw, and so her grisly image lives on to make The Shining even creepier than it already is.

Duvall also produced and hosted PBS’s “Faerie Tale Theatre” from 1982 to 1987, which is the source of this haunting supercut of her saying, “Hello, I’m Shelley Duvall.” I’m positively transfixed by it. It leaves me hanging every time. I want her to say more. Like, “Hello, I’m Shelley Duvall, and I’m the inspiration for the monster version of Megan Fox in Jennifer’s Body.”

[Videogum]

Jeff Bridges: The Dude Abides (PBS) — Part of the “American Masters” series, this documentary covers Bridges’s four-decade career in acting. In this preview clip, he drops in on the Little Lebowski shop in Greenwich Village. The cashier’s head almost explodes. (via Kottke)

Off the Map (ABC) — Series premiere. From “Grey’s Anatomy” creator Shonda Rimes comes this medical soap about doctors in the jungle. Rimes swears that it’s not “Grey’s Anatomy in the Jungle,” but… it’s “Grey’s Anatomy in the Jungle.” In a review that actually defends “Off the Map,” the A.V. Club calls it “pleasantly mediocre.” Wow. High praise. Be sure to tune in.

My Strange Addiction (TLC) — Click the inset screencap. That’s all you need to know about this show. (via suicideblonde)

Modern Family (ABC) — “24″ star Mary Lynn Rajskub guest stars as Mitchell’s old girlfriend. Man, the anglo-centric immigration authorities at Ellis Island really dropped the ball the day Mary Lynn’s ancestors came to the country.

Top Chef (Bravo) — The chefs have to catch a fish and cook it for dinner. Awesome. Fishing is never not exciting.

Human Target (Fox) — Two back-to-back episodes tonight. Little-known fact: Sarah Palin came up with the name for this show.

This past weekend, PBS aired the Kennedy Center’s Mark Twain Prize for American Humor that was awarded to Tina Fey last week (watch highlights here), and the best part was probably Alec Baldwin’s appearance as the famed author and humorist. It works mostly because Baldwin oozes humorous charm with every word he speaks, but I especially liked this bit at the end:

“Tonight’s recipient of the Me Prize is the very talented and deserving Tina Fey. Tina… that’s a very funny name for a man. What? You’re kidding. For humor? But their brains aren’t shaped right!”

It’s true. Women should be restricted to making nests and nursing babies. And maybe some limited training at Subway in the field of sandwich artistry.

[NYT Arts Beat via NY Mag]

Circus (PBS) — Okay, so this is a six-part documentary about the Big Apple Circus, but it seems like a decent enough excuse to share one of my favorite YouTube videos: the Moscow Cat Theater (previously featured on Warming Glow here).

Modern Family / Cougar Town (ABC) — No matter how good “Cougar Town” gets — and it’s gotten pretty funny — since its shaky Season 1 start — it will always be underrated. That’s how stupid the title “Cougar Town” is.

Law & Order: SVU (NBC) — Mario Bello guest stars. Between The Cooler and A History of Violence, more actresses need to lighten up and get naked in sex scenes. And let’s not forget her work in Coyote Ugly. You can’t fight the moonlight, people.

My Dog Ate What? (NatGeo WILD) — Still one of my favorite titles for a show.

Top Chef: Just Desserts (Bravo) — You know what’s holding this show back? It doesn’t have “Cake” in the title. Americans love shows about cake.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (NBC) — First guest is Zach Galafianakis. I’d tune in, but the interviews never start until 1 a.m., and I actually have a job. If that’s what you call this.