PitchMen (Discovery) — In a tribute to the late Billy Mays, Discovery has been airing all the episodes of PitchMen consecutively today, and the marathon concludes with the all-new season finale.  And possibly the series finale.  I mean, unless they get Vince the ShamWow guy to fill in.  What’s he up to these days?  Oh.  Right.

The Fashion Show (Bravo) — Here’s a helpful hint: if you need to replace a hit show that stars a supermodel who’s been one of the hottest women on the planet for almost two decades, you don’t get one of the back-up singers from Destiny’s Child to fill the void.

Necessary Roughness (CMT) — Oh, Kathy Ireland… Why did you never grace us with your nudity?  Your shower scene in this film is such a cruel tease.

The Real World: Cancun (MTV) — Joey and Ayiiia don’t get along, so Joey does what anyone would do: he spits in Ayiiia’s food (watch the clip here).  Golly, reality TV just makes the world a better place, doesn’t it?

RENO 911! (Comedy Central) — This show has been on the air for six years, and I still can’t decide whether it’s brilliant and hilarious or stupid and unfunny.  I’m leaning toward the former, but it really depends on the episode.

…and E! Channel FTW — Tonight, E! is airing “50 Cutest Child Stars: All Grown Up” followed immediately by a new one-hour special dedicated to Michael Jackson.  It is the first subtle thing that E! has ever done.  Pedo Bear stimulates himself in approval.

After TV Pitchman Billy Mays died suddenly this weekend, the immediate suspicion by everyone who knew nothing was that a rough landing on a flight the day before — in which the plane’s tire exploded — had caused him some head trauma that was ultimately fatal. But the doctors who performed the autopsy insist that their “science” suggests the cause of death was heart failure.

The autopsy done this morning reveals no evidence of head trauma or drug abuse, said Dr. Vernard Adams…

The autopsy showed he had hardening of the arteries, Adams said. He was taking pain medication after two recent hip surgeries, but there is no evidence that contributed to his death, Adams said.

Adams said Mays had no knowledge of his heart disease and was taking no medication for it. “By definition, sudden death can’t be predicted,” Adams said. “This was a total surprise.”

Hey Vern, you’re the doctor, I’m the writer.  Why don’t you stick to the science and I’ll take care of telling people what words mean.  You don’t see me coming down to the hospital to cut dead bodies open, do you?  I sure hope not.  I take extra precautions to dodge the morgue’s security cameras.

Billy Mays, the exuberant television pitchman known for hawking products like OxiClean, Mighty Putty, and Orange Glo, was found dead in his Tampa home yesterday.  It remains unclear whether a rough landing on a flight the day prior — during which Mays, 50, was hit in the head — contributed to his death.  He is survived by his wife, Deborah.

There was a New York Times Magazine article last fall that aptly described Mays’s unique kind of fame: “Mays is a celebrity endorser whose celebrity is based entirely on having endorsed things.”  His sincerity, enthusiasm, and car horn of a voice led people to say things like:

• “Billy Mays came over to my house and sold me tap water from my sink.”
• “Billy sold me a crisp five-dollar bill for 4 easy payments of only $19.95 + shipping and handling!”
• “He was the only human that was allowed to speak entirely in CAPS LOCK.” [source]

Good Lord, this is getting out of hand. I’m going to have to stop doing individual obituaries and just do celebrity death link dumps.  “Here are today’s celebrity deaths…”  Can you imagine a plague that killed off all the famous people in the world?  Would it be worth losing supermodels and George Clooney to get rid of the cast of “The Hills”?  I’m willing to take that chance.

After the jump, some of my favorite Billy Mays mash-ups and re-dubs, plus his appearance on “The Tonight Show” last week.  Read the rest of this entry »