It seems like it was only just yesterday that we learned “Big Brother” winner Adam Jasinski got busted for trying to sell 2000 oxycodone pills to a government witness. Well, in case you needed proof that scripted television is better than its reality-based counterpart, former “Smallville” actor Sam Jones was arrested for his part in a conspiracy to deal more than 10,000 oxycodone pills. In your face, Jasinski.
TMZ has learned Sam Jones, who played Clark Kent’s best friend on the show ["Toke Black Guy"], was taken into custody by DEA agents who claim Jones was a “co-conspirator” in a series of major drug deals in 2008.
According to documents filed in federal court, the DEA claims Jones was the “Hollywood connection” in a plot to illegally purchase and distribute the oxycodone… If convicted, Jones faces up to 20 years in federal prison.
Dude, who the hell is buying that many pills? Michael Jackson’s already dead.
Every season, the winner of “Big Brother” gets a $500,000 prize. This is a substantial amount of money. You can buy a nice house with that. You can live frugally and not work for a couple years. You can invest it and ensure your children go to the finest private schools. Or you can illegally buy thousands and thousands of oxycodone pills and attempt to sell them on the street.
Try to guess which of those options “Big Brother 9″ winner Adam Jasinski chose.
Federal prosecutors said Jasinski was arrested Saturday after he flew to Boston and showed the witness a sock containing two plastic bags filled with [2000 pills of] oxycodone, a powerful painkiller that is a popular street drug because of its euphoric effects.
As agents tried to arrest Jasinski at a strip mall in North Reading, he struggled and threw the sock under a car parked nearby. [AP]
Jasinski faces up to 20 years in prison and a $1 million fine. But he’ll be okay. He can make a nice down payment on that fine, and I’m sure the confinement of “Big Brother” offered many lessons that are useful in federal prison. I’m assuming, of course, that he had to shiv several of his castmates to win. I never actually watched the show.
After the surreal saga of VH1 reality star Ryan Jenkins, most of us thought, “Well, that’s probably the last time this year that a guy on a reality show will brutally murder his bikini model love interest that he met in Las Vegas.” And most of us would be wrong, because “America’s Sexiest Bachelor” contestant Brian Lee Randone allegedly murdered his girlfriend Felicia Lee, model/actress/former porn star who worked under the name Felicia Tang. The following quote is from a news article where people stop being polite, and start getting DARK AS HELL.
Shortly after noon on Friday, Sept. 11, Randone called 911 to report that his girlfriend of several months was not breathing… When responding officers arrived at the scene, they determined the evidence did not support Randone’s account of what happened… Randone was arrested within hours and was charged four days later with killing and torturing Lee. He is in jail in lieu of $2 million bail.
Lee — an actress and model — had been beaten and choked, according to authorities. Prosecutors said torture charges were filed because of the severity of her injures and evidence that she died slowly.
Yikes, that’s bad. But I know what you’re saying. You’re saying, “C’mon, Ryan Jenkins cut off his wife’s fingers and removed her teeth, then stuffed her in a suitcase and threw her in a Dumpster before fleeing the country and hanging himself. That’s not so crazy.” Well, put on your sunglasses Horatio Caine, because here comes a traveling mime and Brett Ratner movies:
This story is kinda last week’s news, but it involves attractive young actresses getting arrested for baring their breasts to strangers, which in my mind makes it still newsworthy. Hot handcuffed tit-flashing starlets are precisely why I got into this business.
Anyway, “The Vampire Diaries” opened with CW’s highest-rated series premiere last week, and actresses Candice Accola, Kayla Ewell, Sara Canning, and Nina Dobrev (clockwise from top left, not that it matters) all celebrated by getting booked for disorderly conduct:
[The actresses] were arrested and charged after police said the actresses were dangling off a Georgia overpass and flashing drivers. Several drivers called 911 on Aug. 22 to report seeing the young women flashing drivers on I-75 from the side of the Rumble Road overpass just north of Macon. The women told Monroe County authorities they were just filming for the show. [WSBTV]
Really? People actually called freakin’ 911 to report tits? How does that 911 call go? “Oh God! It’s terrible! Hot, nubile women are flashing me! There are BARE BREASTS above the highway! I’m dangerously aroused! Oh God, send all the police and ambulances you have! THE HUMANITY!!!!!”
[via a lot of places, but The Daily What specifically]
Buckle your sweatpants, everybody, because this is the awesomest crime you’ll read about until someone burns down the old folks’ home. A group of nine women in Turkey who thought they were on a “Big Brother”-style show were actually just “conned into frolicking naked and engaging in cat fights” — photos of which were sold online.
A military police spokesman said the women – most of them models from the Mediterranean resort of Antalya and the Aegean port city of Izmir – had been held captive for around two months.
The women had responded to an advertisement looking for contestants for a reality show that was to be purportedly aired on a major Turkish television station. The group, including a teenager aged 15 or 16, were selected after being interviewed…
They were not abused or harassed sexually, but were told to wear skimpy bikinis, to dance by the swimming pool and were encouraged to get into fights with one another, reports said. [Telegraph]
Listen, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: duping women into imprisonment is WRONG, okay? But c’mon: you have to admire the absolutely asteroid-sized BALLS it takes to do this. Because most men have had this thought before: “Man, wouldn’t it be awesome if I had a whole house full of models and just made them dance around in bikinis all day?” But nobody ever actually makes it happen. Well, except rappers. But their methods aren’t nearly as impressive.
(another example of fair and balanced photo editing)
San Diego Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman was jailed briefly this weekend after reality star Tila Tequila made a citizen’s arrest of the All-Pro. Tequila (real name: Tila Nguyen), the supposedly bisexual star of “A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila” who rose to pseudo-fame because she posted slutty pictures of herself on MySpace, had Merriman charged with battery and false imprisonment after he allegedly choked her. Merriman denies any violence and claims he was preventing her from driving drunk, while Tequila went on Twitter to claim that she’s allergic to alcohol and Merriman was going through steroid-induced rage.
Blech, this story sucks. Merriman is easily one of the top ten douchebag/a-holes of the NFL, and Tila Tequila is only likable if you’re into midget Vietnamese attention whores with fake cans. Actually, “midget Vietnamese attention whore with fake cans” sounds kinda sexy, but I definitely meant it as an insult. Maybe the judge that works on this case can sentence them both to death, just as a favor to humanity.
(links via With Leather)
