Relevant

Two days ago, we brought you the news that Guy Fieri’s stolen Lamborghini had been recovered in a storage locker belonging to a 17-year-old high school student who was also suspected of trying to kill two of his classmates by shooting at them from the back of a speeding motorcycle. Go ahead and give that last sentence a chance to sink in a little, because additional details about the case have started trickling out, and, somehow, it keeps getting more and more bonkers. It turns out the teenage suspect, Max Wade, may have been responsible for a one-man crime spree across Northern California, and the storage locker the car was discovered in also contained what is deliciously referred to in the article as “a potpourri of gadgetry.” Buckle in.

Besides the stolen Lamborghini, a motorcycle and a .357 revolver believed to be used in the shooting, the search revealed a trove of contraband, including automatic weapons, a police uniform, sophisticated electronic transmitting devices, bugs and other evidence of possible criminal activity beyond what anyone had imagined. [...]

The cache in the steel locker was a potpourri of gadgetry, disguises and guns. Investigators found a dismantled AK-47 assault weapon, an assault-type shotgun, electronics that can interfere with cell phone frequencies and a list of scanner codes for a variety of California law enforcement agencies. Inside the Lamborghini were three UHF signal jammers for cell phones and two radio signal jammers.

Most troubling of all, though, was the discovery of a full San Francisco Police Department uniform, including a badge and duty belt and some bags, containers and a mask. [SF Gate]

I joked around last time about how this story sounded like something out of a movie called Fast & Furious: The High School Years,” but GOOD GRAVY would you look at that list? Weapons, scramblers, jammers, disguises, masks, police uniforms, luxury automobiles, motorcycles, etc. And this kid is seventeen. HE IS A TEENAGER. Do you know what I was doing when I was a teenager? Playing Goldeneye on Nintendo 64. This kid was LIVING IT.

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I have some good news and bad news for you. Bad news first: Guy Fieri’s stolen Lamborghini has been recovered and will be returned to the noted ’90s aficionado shortly. Good news: The story behind the theft is kind of amazing.

As a quick refresher, in March of last year, a thief climbed onto the roof of the exotic car dealership where Fieri’s car was being stored, rapelled down into the showroom, cut the lock off the entrance, and drove the $200,000 sports car right out the front door. (You may remember that Anthony Bourdain had quite a bit of fun with the situation on Twitter.) For over a year, there was nothing. No news, no leads, bupkis. Then this week, the car was discovered in a nearby storage unit in the possession of a 17-year-old California high school student. The big break in the case came when the suspect allegedly fired five shots from a speeding black motorcycle at two of his classmates. The students, who were not seriously injured, were a girl the suspect supposedly had a crush on, and her boyfriend. Acting on information collected during the investigation into the shooting, police discovered Fieri’s Lamborghini in the storage unit along with the motorcycle and “other materials” used during the shooting.

Before I continue, let me first state that Warming Glow and the UPROXX family in no way condone burglary and/or attempted murder. Not even a little bit. That said, however, HOLY CRAP this story is bonkers. I mean, it has everything: exotic cars, an elaborate robbery involving rappeling, gunmen on motorcycles, unrequited teenage love. It’s like Fast & Furious crossed with Can’t Hardly Wait. Someone turn this into a movie immediately.

via SFGate

This video (NSFW audio) is from behind-the-scenes footage of some show called “People Behaving Badly” or something. Whatever. That’s not the important part. In it, a very sassy man in an Elmo shirt gets a ticket. That is also not the important part. The important part is that WHILE getting the ticket, he repeatedly calls the cameraman fat and poor in the most delightfully mean manner possible. I love it so.

This is one of those things that extremely sassy men do better than anyone else. It’s not even close. A meatheaded dolt in this situation would have been all, “Come on, bro. You wanna go, bro? I’m serious bro. I will get out of this car and I will end you, bro,” and it would have been kinda funny I guess, but not as brutal as this. I mean, this guy breaks out the SHARP knives. Especially starting at the 1:13 mark, where he mocks the cameraman’s entire station in life by saying, “I bet you couldn’t afford [a ticket] if you got one, fatass. All you can afford is FOOD with your fat, lazy ass. That’s why you’re out here videotaping. You ain’t even on a real job. Why don’t they have you down there in Oakland filming what’s going on with all the riots and sh-t? They got your fat, lazy, non-relevant, non-factor ass out here filming highway patrol sh-t. That tells you how much you’re worth at your job.” BOOM. DAGGER.

This guy is the best. I want him and Randall from the Honey Badger video to hang out with me all the time and verbally lay waste to my enemies.

via Buzzfeed

Morgan Wilson was the runner-up on Season 1 of Bravo’s “Top Chef: Just Desserts.” Now he’s been indicted on three second-degree felony charges of possession with the intent to promote child pornography. Whoops.

Wilson, 38, was arrested on Dec. 7, 2010 — less than a month after the ‘Just Desserts’ finale episode aired — when undercover investigators received file transfers from him via Limewire on his computer in September 2010. The file transfers allegedly contained images and videos of children as young as toddlers engaged in sexual acts, according to Pegasus News…

The executive pastry chef at Dallas’ Ritz-Carlton Hotel Lobby Lounge since 2007, the hotel’s Web site just removed Wilson’s name from the site; their Director of Human Resources Jim Van Winkle had previously declined to verify Wilson’s current employment status at the hotel. [AOL via ScreenJunkies]

It’s got to be tough to keep your job after you’ve been indicted on kiddie porn charges, but at least Wilson works in a field where it might not be entirely detrimental to his reputation. “Whoa, that dude’s attracted to children — I bet he makes AWESOME desserts.”

Although I’m all for the Occupy Wall Street protests, I can’t help but admit that I think this footage of cops using night sticks and mace on protesters (and a Fox camera crew) is pretty metal. The cop in the video has a couple home run swings in there.

I know that I’m supposed to be all, “Oh, shame on the cops, excessive force, et cetera,” but my pea-sized brain simply enjoys watching people getting beaten with clubs. It’s a soothing sound to me amid the cacophony of a protest. Whump, whump, whump. I just wish it was Wall Street finance guys getting hit like that instead of reporters.

[BuzzFeed]