I have a confession to make: I am obsessed with stupid criminals. They’re like my favorite thing ever. You’ve all heard the stories — some bank robber wrote the threatening note on the back of a check with his address on the front, someone stopped for gas a mile from the robbery and was immediately caught, two guys handcuffed together foil their own escape by running into a light pole, etc. Well everyone hold your horses because HOLY CRAP this guy tried to rob a store dressed as Gumby. Yeah. I KNOW.

I’ve posted the video after the jump, and you should really check it out if only for the sheer ridiculousness of the whole thing, but the quick version is that this guy (and there is a 1 million percent chance it was a guy) walked in with his sidekick, told the clerk it was a robbery, and when the clerk justifiably laughed at him, reached for his pocket as though he had a weapon. Unfortunately for him, giant foam suits are fairly restrictive, so in the process of reaching for what may have been a weapon, he instead dropped 26 cents from his pocket on the floor. Then he left. Dressed as Gumby. After not only not robbing the store, but also leaving his own money behind. He’s like Dillinger if Dillinger was an incompetent plushie.

Look, I’m generally anti-armed robbery. But I swear to God if this leads to bunch of copycat crimes where dipsh-t brosephs dress up as goofy cartoon characters and fumble their way through failed robberies, I am in. All the way in. Hell, I may rent a helicopter and try to rob an art gallery as Launchpad McQuack. Carpe diem, right?

Read the rest of this entry »

“Breaking Bad” is an excellent television show about a chemistry teacher who gets into drug-dealing world of methamphetamine. “Sons of Anarchy” is a badass show about a gun-running outlaw motorcycle gang in California. Put those two together and you get the true story of Stephen “Skinz” Kinzey, a professor of kinesiology at Cal State San Bernardino who allegedly also runs a chapter of the Devil’s Diciples, a motorcycle gang that spells poorly and runs a meth operation.

Authorities arrested nine suspected mid- and street-level dealers involved in the drug ring shortly after raiding Kinzey’s home, where they allegedly found more than a pound of methamphetamine, rifles, handguns, body armor, leather biker vests and other biker paraphernalia.

Kinzey remains a fugitive and is considered armed and dangerous, officials said.

During the Aug. 26 raid, detectives arrested Kinzey’s live-in girlfriend, Holly V. Robinson, 33, a 2005 Cal State San Bernardino graduate, on suspicion of distributing methamphetamine. She is accused of being Kinzey’s “business partner” in the drug operation and has been released on bail. [LA Times via TV Tattle]

I understand that this is a real story of serious crime, but all I can think about now is a “Breaking Bad” and “Sons of Anarchy” crossover. Let’s get Walter White to trade in that Pontiac Aztek for a Harley. He takes a road trip into California, befriends the Sons of Anarchy, and they go down to New Mexico to settle some scores for Walt. I wouldn’t just watch that show, I would never be not watching it.

Back in March, Felicia Pearson, the actress best known for playing Snoop on “The Wire,” was one of 64 people arrested and charged in a massive Baltimore drug sting that echoed Seasons 1 and 3 of the acclaimed HBO show. Now, according to her attorney, Pearson is set to plead guilty to a charge of conspiracy to distribute heroin.

The 31-year-old actress is scheduled to plead guilty Monday to conspiracy to distribute heroin, a misdemeanor. Her trial was set to begin Tuesday…

Attorney Benjamin Sutley says Pearson wanted closure in the matter. Sutley expects Pearson to receive probation and says he will ask the judge to allow her to travel out of the state to pursue her acting career. [Baltimore Sun]

Before going in for sentencing, Pearson is expected to ask Sutley, “How my hair look?”

Yikes: on Saturday night, the Canadian version of “Cash Cab” finished up a night of shooting by hitting and killing a 61-year-old pedestrian.

The show had finished filming for the night and a producer was driving the mock yellow cab back to a storage area when the accident occurred, the show’s production company, Castlewood Productions Inc., told The Vancouver Sun.

“Our thoughts and prayers are with the victim and his friends and his family. My heart also goes out to the driver of the vehicle, a member of our technical staff, who is shaken and devastated by this tragic accident, as is our entire team,” the company’s president, Andrew Burnstein, told The Sun. [NY Daily News]

No charges have been filed, but if that producer drinks on the job half as much as I do, she’s in serious trouble. And yeah, I’m assuming the producer was a woman. Whether or not that’s true, I stand by the logic that helped me jump to that conclusion. JOURNALISM!

As I mentioned in yesterday’s listings, a man on “Repo Games” — the game show where indebted contestants try to prevent their cars from being repossessed — grew angry at the trucks blocking his driveway and pulled a gun. What I didn’t realize is that he actually fired shots at the crew, and the incident was subsequently aired.

The Repo Games host remembered the moment the suspect [Carlos Barron] came out. He said: “All of a sudden this dude stepped back like 5 or 6 feet, (and) pulls out a gun!”

The cast, crew and contestants were seen running for their lives when they realized the suspect was armed, and firing several shots.

North Las Vegas Police said when they tried to contact Barron, he barricaded himself inside a home. Officers said after a two hour standoff Barron left a rear window, and tried to run. He was taken into custody with the help of a K-9 dog. [Fox 5 Vegas]

There’s a newscast video below that has a clip of the incident, and there are some excellent details to be savored, such as a neighbor named Sleep Kennard and the name of the street where the shooting occurred: Vigilante Court. “You know, when I moved to Vigilante Court, I never thought that a gun owner would take matters into his own hands like that. That’s the whole reason I moved away from Violent Lunatic Avenue.”

Read the rest of this entry »