Like most other people, my mind is blown by the idea that Al Franken — the guy who played freakin’ Stuart Smalley — is now a United States senator (or is about to be, whatever). Even if it’s from the state that elected a feather boa-wearing pro wrestler governor. But then the Associated Press touched upon an issue I hadn’t yet considered: who will play Minnesota’s junior senator on “Saturday Night Live”?
When asked Wednesday who’d be best for the role, Franken first told The Associated Press it may be Fred Armisen, who portrays President Barack Obama in SNL skits. He then said occasional guest Alec Baldwin might be a better fit. [...]
Franken himself parodied a U.S. senator at least once on SNL, playing a Democrat at confirmation hearings for Supreme Court nominee Clarence Thomas. Franken expects be on the Senate Judiciary Committee, for real, by the time hearings begin for Obama high court nominee Sonia Sotomayor.
So. Freakin’. Weird. It’s hard enough for me to accept parody becoming reality, but for parody to parody the parody-turned-reality? That hurts my brain. And what if Franken comes on the show to reprise Stuart Smalley and give advice to Armisen-as-Franken? It would create a parody paradox that might just end the world. Or at least democracy.
Rashida Jones, the super-pretty and super-funny co-star of “Parks and Recreation,” is reportedly dating someone other than me, causing three consecutive frowny faces :( :( :( on an otherwise emoticon-unfriendly blog. Best Week Ever cites a tipster’s account of Rashida K-I-S-S-I-N-G Obama speechwriter Jon Favreau, the hunky 27-year-old who did not direct and star in Swingers.
Here’s how it went down: Rashida and Jon were hanging out in an exclusive bar in the Georgetown area (yes, D.C. does have “exclusive places”, unless you’re a WASP, as then the world is your nest.) Our tipster reports that the two were attached at the hip all evening, until they starting making out with each other at the bar. Eventually, they left with one another. We can only assume they did the inevitable… shake hands (hands = genitals.)
Aw, man. A good-looking young dude who writes the president’s speeches. He’s probably better than me at everything. Except fart noises! Look at me, I can do it with just my hands! No armpit needed! Don’t act like you’re not impressed, Rashida!
Justin Timberlake wasn’t the only one being funny on Saturday night. Earlier in the evening, Barack Obama presided over the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, the annual fete for the media saps who cover the politics of the executive branch. I don’t think there’s any kind of law that requires the president to do 16 minutes of stand-up at these kinds of functions, but that’s exactly what he did anyway. And he wasn’t bad. Coulda used a bunch more F-bombs, but it’s worth it just to hear him say that Republican Party Chairman Michael Steele was “in the heezy. WASSUP?” Goddam, it’s awesome to have a black president. (UPDATE: His “What’s up?” to John Boehner after making fun of his fake tan in Part 2 is even better.)
Part 2 of the act is after the jump. Up next on Fox News: WHY IS THE PRESIDENT LAUGHING DURING A NATIONAL CRISIS?!?!?!?
Bristol Palin, the bastard-breeding daughter of Alaska governor Sarah (perhaps you’ve heard of her?), is now making the talk show rounds to promote teenage abstinence. And as ridiculous and counterintuitive as that sounds, this clip just makes me feel sorry for her. She clearly isn’t prepared to answer the most obvious of questions, and I doubt it was really her idea to become an advocate for something she didn’t practice. **eyes governor’s mansion suspiciously**
But don’t worry, Bristol, Elisabeth Hasselbeck from “The View” has your back:
“I think she’s the perfect choice [for abstinence advocacy]. She has a tangible, living example of what this new responsibility is in her life. I believe that there is a sort of sadistic giddiness on the part of some true radical leftists, who are laughing behind-the-scenes about Bristol Palin’s situation.
“Why are they so obsessed with her being a spokesperson for this? She’s promoting a great thing — abstinence. Find me something else that works 100 percent of the time.”
I know that everyone else knows that Elisabeth is completely insane, but I still feel the need to point out that NO ONE IS SAYING ABSTINENCE IS WRONG. The issue here is the hypocritical refusal of pragmatism. Hell, even I’m in favor of teenage abstinence. Unless a girl has a fake I.D., or she wants to have a couple of wine coolers up at my place.
Sarah Palin was on “American Chopper” last night, and I don’t really want to give this any kind of a political bent so I’ll just stand back and make fart sounds in the corner. But I will say this: the following exchange made me love Paul Teutel Sr just a little bit.
Teutel: So you snowmobile?
Palin: Oh yeah. Snow machine. Yes.
Teutel: What kind of snowmobile do you got?
Memo to Alaskans: EVERYONE ON THE PLANET CALLS THEM SNOWMOBILES. You can’t change this. Your state is lame. (p.s. Sorry about the glaciers :( )
This is ordinarily the time of the day where I’m sifting through the TV listings to tell you the crap that’s on tonight, but that’s getting tabled for now because clips this outstanding can’t wait until tomorrow. This is Rep. Alcee Hastings (D-Fla.), who stood on the House floor to discuss a proposed amendment, and ended up reading a long list of sexual acts and fetishes.
That list included such good times as asphyxiphilia, autogynophilia, apotemnophilia (but not acrotomophilia), corophilia (arousal from eating poop), incest, kleptomania (impulsively stealing genitals?), pedophilia, klismaphilia (erotic use of enemas), S&M, exhibitionism, necrophilia, transgenderism, toucherism — toucherism! — and zoophilia. He also superbly rolls both the R’s in frotteurism.
I guess that’s a pretty good list… for Congress. But this is the INTERNET, man. We need more! Hell, he didn’t even mention anything from Japan. No dekapai, no bukkake, no hentai — I demand tentacle porn! And would it kill him to include formicophilia? Some of us happen to get off from ants crawling our genitals, you know. Hey, don’t judge.
[DCist via HuffPo; your homework assignment is to read this]
