I’m sorry to divert attention away from meaningless TV news, but there’s something very real that threatens the way we use the internet. For me, it threatens my ability to make a livelihood — my very existence. Two bills that Congress is incredibly close to passing – the PROTECT-IP Act and the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) — will grant corporations the unprecedented ability to censor the internet and crush web start-ups. Blogs and social media as you know them will end, and during a time when the economy needs all the help it can get, it could crush any small business that so much as allows a link to a copyrighted work.

Listen, I don’t want to go into the legalese because I can barely comprehend that something so world-shaking is actually real, but you can watch the video above and read more about it at Uproxx, BoingBoing, Lifehacker, and The Daily What. In addition, Tumblr has facilitated a way for you to get more information about the act, and will even directly connect you to your congressman or congresswoman.

If you read this site with any regularity, you know that I hate talking about politics. This isn’t about whether you’re on the right or left, it’s about basic rights that corporations want to take away from citizens. In the words of Waylon Smithers, it’s unconscionably fiendish. Don’t let the government do this.

In case you missed the 247th Republican presidential debate last night, Rick Perry placed his campaign on a Viking funeral pyre, lit the tinder, and then flung the whole thing over the horizon with a trebuchet the size of the Chrysler Building. His college transcript makes a lot more sense to me now.

[BuzzFeed]

Herman Cain’s infamous campaign ad has already been widely parodied for Mark Block’s long, non-sequitur drag on a cigarette, but nothing’s as good as this new spoof: a woman’s allegations of Cain’s sexual harassment are interspersed with Cain’s creepy slow smile. It’s done in incredibly poor taste, so naturally I think it’s hilarious.

Man, women haven’t complained about a Republican groping them like this since Arnold Schwarzenegger ran for governor. Herman Cain is like the black Schwarzenegger. Or as the Germans say, Schwarzeschwarzenegger. Um, please don’t make any other variations on that joke (unless it’s the Herman-ator).

[BuzzFeed]

Yesterday I posted the baffling Hermain Cain ad that featured chief of staff Mark Block taking a drag from a cigarette and Cain breaking into a slow, creepy smile. It was obviously ripe for parody, and late-night hosts went after it with gusto. Conan O’Brien, David Letterman, and Stephen Colbert all created similar spoofs of the commercial. (I’m sure Jay Leno will tackle it some time early next year.)

Not only have I embedded the videos below, but I’ve also ranked them because I enjoy stirring up pointless discussion. For further reading on this matter, please see my defining work in the genre, EMILY > ZOOEY.

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In what may be the most baffling political ad I’ve ever seen, Hermain Cain’s Chief of Staff Mark Block reaches out to the critical “smoke vote” with this new campaign commercial.

“I’m just a simple man. I like affordable pizza, tax breaks for the wealthy, and the cool, refreshing taste of Camel Lights. That’s why I’m voting for Herman Cain.”