In case you missed the 247th Republican presidential debate last night, Rick Perry placed his campaign on a Viking funeral pyre, lit the tinder, and then flung the whole thing over the horizon with a trebuchet the size of the Chrysler Building. His college transcript makes a lot more sense to me now.

[BuzzFeed]

Herman Cain’s infamous campaign ad has already been widely parodied for Mark Block’s long, non-sequitur drag on a cigarette, but nothing’s as good as this new spoof: a woman’s allegations of Cain’s sexual harassment are interspersed with Cain’s creepy slow smile. It’s done in incredibly poor taste, so naturally I think it’s hilarious.

Man, women haven’t complained about a Republican groping them like this since Arnold Schwarzenegger ran for governor. Herman Cain is like the black Schwarzenegger. Or as the Germans say, Schwarzeschwarzenegger. Um, please don’t make any other variations on that joke (unless it’s the Herman-ator).

[BuzzFeed]

Yesterday I posted the baffling Hermain Cain ad that featured chief of staff Mark Block taking a drag from a cigarette and Cain breaking into a slow, creepy smile. It was obviously ripe for parody, and late-night hosts went after it with gusto. Conan O’Brien, David Letterman, and Stephen Colbert all created similar spoofs of the commercial. (I’m sure Jay Leno will tackle it some time early next year.)

Not only have I embedded the videos below, but I’ve also ranked them because I enjoy stirring up pointless discussion. For further reading on this matter, please see my defining work in the genre, EMILY > ZOOEY.

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In what may be the most baffling political ad I’ve ever seen, Hermain Cain’s Chief of Staff Mark Block reaches out to the critical “smoke vote” with this new campaign commercial.

“I’m just a simple man. I like affordable pizza, tax breaks for the wealthy, and the cool, refreshing taste of Camel Lights. That’s why I’m voting for Herman Cain.”

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has stripped “Jersey Shore” of a tax credit used to lure TV and film productions to the state. Christie, an avid fan fried food and lethargy, was reportedly offended by the “G” in GTL.

Gov. Christie squashed a controversial $420,000 tax credit called the “Snooki subsidy” for the first season of the hit MTV show, saying taxpayers could not afford to support a program that tarnishes the state’s reputation.

“I have no interest in policing the content of such projects,” the governor said in a news release. “However, as chief executive I am duty-bound to ensure that taxpayers are not footing a $420,000 bill for a project which does nothing more than perpetuate misconceptions about the state and its citizens.” [NJ.com]

Actually, that sounds pretty reasonable. But let’s not kid ourselves about New Jersey’s reputation. It’s not like anyone’s ever thought of Jersey as some pristine Valhalla. I lived in central Jersey twenty years ago, and even back then my family called it The Garbage State. So Christie can go ahead and bash “Jersey Shore” all he wants, but that’s not going to get rid of Atlantic City or Newark or Trenton. I’m on to you, fatty.