Last night on “Late Night with Jimmy Fallon,” Tina Fey settled a beef with Roots’ drummer ?uestlove by eating a giant hoagie. As much as I want leave this post at that and hit publish, I will explain. The other night on the Bravo talk show “Watch What Happens Live,” ?uestlove had called out Fey, saying she was “never nice to The Roots” even though they’re both from Philadelphia. When she appeared on “Fallon,” she brought this up, saying her initial reaction as a Philly girl was to “key his car, drag him behind the Wawa” and kick his ass. Instead, they made up in the traditional Philadelphia way: they shared a huge hoagie.

As Uproxx’s resident Philadelphian, my official analysis of the whole situation is this: Wawa is the best. You don’t even know. It’s like the Wonka factory of convenience stores. (NOTE: If you try to come at me with some “So, what, it’s like a 7-Eleven?” bullsh-t, I swear to God I will cut you with a broken Yuengling bottle. Same for any of my fellow Eastern PA residents who bring up Turkey Hill or Sheetz. You would be unwise to test me.) They have delicious hoagies and coffee, as well as their own line of ice cream and ice teas. Without exaggeration, I would estimate that I went to Wawa for one thing or another no less than four times a week during college. It’s a little less frequent now, but BARELY. Usually, I get my standard order of one (1) foot-long chicken salad hoagie and one (1) half-gallon of ice tea. Sometimes I get chocolate ice cream, too. Seriously, YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW. Good Lord, now I’m getting hungry.

In conclusion, all you Californians with your In-N-Out Burgers can go jump in a lake. Wawa, son. Philly stand up.

Read the rest of this entry »

The cast of "Terra Nova"

Terra Nova (FOX) – On a night where your Big Four options include “A Chipmunk Christmas,” repeats of “2 Broke Girls” and “Mike and Molly,” and an episode of “Fear Factor” called “Tall Crappaccino,” it might be worth checking out the (series?) finale of the all-style, no-substance “Terra Nova.” At least it’s got dinosaurs.

Who’s Still Standing? (NBC) – Based on an Israeli series, the Ben Bailey-hosted “Who’s Still Standing?” is another dumb game show where dumb people answer dumb questions to win large amounts of cash. If contestants get an answer wrong, they fall through a trap door on the floor. Where do they go?

Half-Ton Dad/Half-Ton Mom (OWN) – Fat people be fat in these repeats about a man who weighed 1,045 pounds and a woman, 880 pounds. Psh, women – always 16% percent behind men.

VH1 Divas Celebrates Soul (VH1) – Mary J. Blige, Kelly Clarkson, Jennifer Hudson, and Florence + the Machine, among others, act diva-like, while the Roots perform as the house band. Here’s a fun excerpt from Rolling Stone’s recent profile of drummer Questlove: “He says he’s on his way to a party and that everyone should come. But [Questlove] doesn’t know if he’s up for it; the party is at actress Alison Brie’s house, and [Questlove] has a major crush on her. ‘That girl is my Kryptonite,’ he says. ‘She’s gonna have me talking like Back to the Future: I’m your density.’ She’s been on “Fallon” before, but he was too nervous to talk to her.”

The Layover/Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations (Travel) – Double the Bourdain, with a new episode of “The Layover” set in Hong Kong and a repeat of last week’s “No Reservations” holiday special. Y’know the one featuring greatest-band-of-2011 Fu*ked Up singing “Jingle Bells,” but not the banned “Krampus” segment, about the mythical Alpine monster who kidnaps poorly-behaved children before Christmas to do…something with them. View it after the jump with your kids or nearby unsupervised children!

Late-Night Guests: Tom Cruise, Mitt Romney, and Anthony Hamilton on Letterman; Sandra Bullock, Diablo Cody, and Pink Martini on Leno; Regis Philbin and the Goo Goo Dolls on Ferguson; Jeremy Renner, Rooney Mara, Michael Lindsay-Hogg, and Caroline King on Fallon; and Elle Fanning, Seth MacFarlane, and Drake on Conan.

Read the rest of this entry »

The Roots’ Questlove tweeted this picture taken from the NBC cafeteria today. And I’d like to state for the record that I think fried chicken and collard greens sound like an absolutely delicious lunch, but it’s probably the wrong idea to say that it’s a special “in honor of Black History Month.”

However, I do find it fitting that Black Eyed Peas are part of something that’s offensive to black people.

Questlove once wrote on Twitter that “Parks and Recreation” was the Wu-Tang Clan of comedy, and apparently that was inspiration enough for this Funny or Die video in which RZA auditions for the role of Leslie Knope (watch below).

I don’t know what else I really need to say here. I introduced the video, and there are jokes in the video. I shouldn’t have to write additional jokes as well. What am I, your little joke monkey? Why do people keep calling me a monkey? Is it my prehensile tail or the feces-throwing?

Read the rest of this entry »