Bethenny Frankel is a fake-boobed, Skeletor-looking reality show retread who hawks low-calorie alcoholic sugar water to desperate women and whose most discernible talent is fomenting discord on a reality show. That makes her one of Bravo’s biggest stars, which is apparently why she filmed a pilot for a talk show.

The Telepictures produced pilot tapped the former Real Housewives of New York star to host an advice-based talk show that began taping earlier this month. Sources have also confirmed that fellow Telepictures talk show host and producer Ellen DeGeneres is involved with the project.

“I want to be on TV in a format where I can have a longer conversation with my fans rather than 140 characters on Twitter,” Frankel said during an interview with THR earlier this year. “It probably will be a talk show.” [THR]

I actually met Bethenny years ago, after she was on Martha Stewart’s “Apprentice” but before she got famous. She was perfectly nice to me, and her cleavage looked great, so I had to ask myself why I’m so negative about her. Then I read this:

Frankel sold her Skinnygirl cocktail line to Beam Global in March 2011 for $120 million.

Ouch. I don’t I hate her because she’s successful. I hate her because her success represents a massive bloc of people I hate: calorie-counting women who are desperate to get drunk but can’t handle the taste of alcohol. Just do cocaine, ladies. At least that way the people who profit are Colombian drug lords who have no desire to host a talk show.

There was a lot of media fuss about Sarah Palin and Donald Trump meeting New York City — where they ate slices of pizza with a knife and fork at a chain restaurant in Times Square — but nobody did a better job of capturing New Yorkers’ attitudes about pizza than Jon Stewart, who launched into a pitch-perfect diatribe defending one of Gotham’s longest-standing culinary traditions.

I was hesitant to post this because I’m always afraid of political flame wars on posts like this one, but this is strictly apolitical. Stewart isn’t a liberal going after Republican figureheads; he’s a New Yorker scolding Trump for misrepresenting the city to a tourist. If you’ve ever lived in New York, this clip will hit home; if you’ve never been here, then pay attention because it’d be a damn shame if you thought Famiglia was a real New York slice.

(Props to the Cajun Boy for being all over this, including a gallery of Obama eating pizza with his hands. And if you’re in Brooklyn, go to Franny’s on Flatbush. They’ve got a clam, chilies, and parsley pizza that sounds disgusting but tastes awesome.)

Real Housewives of New York City (Bravo) — It’s the reunion show, and all the Botox in the world couldn’t stop these harpies from expressing their dislike of each other. Afterward, it’s the premiere of “Bethenny’s Getting Married?” which features both the chipmunk-faced pregnant one and an unnecessary question mark. I used to stick up for Bravo. Never again. You A-holes are going into the crap pile with TLC.

NBA Finals (ABC) — Game 4, Lakers at Celtics. It kills me to cheer for the Lakers, but at least their fans won’t annoy me if the team wins.

Burn Notice/Royal Pains (USA) — I’ll give this much to USA: they timed the beginning of their summer shows perfectly. There’s zero competition in terms of new episodes of scripted programming on Thursday nights.

Disaster on the Gulf: A Race Against Time (Discovery) — Oof, that’s how long the spill has been going on. Long enough for someone to pitch the idea, organize a crew, compile/shoot necessary footage, research and write a script, and put it together for air. Oh, and it’s still not contained. Sweet.

Penn & Teller: Bullsh*t! (Showtime) — Season premiere. Shut up and do magic, clowns!

So You Think You Can Dance (Fox) — The field gets narrowed down to ten dancers. I figure there’s probably some dancing along the way. That’s the way this thing works, right?

Real Divorced Housewife of New York Kelly Bensimon will appear in December’s issue of Playboy, according to a report from Aging Fake Tits Quarterly. The former model and bitchy egomaniacal socialite will thankfully be only semi-nude. Page Six says:

The magazine is set to publish semi-nude photos of Kelly Bensimon, 40, in its December issue, In Touch reports. “It becomes a big deal on the show,” which is currently filming, an insider said. “Kelly is telling everyone that she might be on the cover.”

Kelly also might win the Nobel Prize.  Assuming they award the Nobel Prize for Being Delusional.

No one in the glossy’s Chicago offices could be reached. But word is Kelly’s ex, fashion photographer Gilles Bensimon, took the photos a few years ago. One source said, “They’re sexy, but they won’t set the world on fire.”

I really can’t get over how much I loathe the entire “Real Housewives” franchise and how it glamorizes washed-up women being bitchy to each other. The word is I’m willing to take drastic steps to put an end to them. One source said, “He’s sexy, and he’s going to set the Bravo corporate headquarters on fire.”

Best Week Ever uncovered a YouTube account consisting of nothing but squiggly animated spoofs of retarded Bravo reality shows. A couple more are posted after the jump.

The time I spent watching these clips represents more time than I’ve committed watching all of these actual shows combined, so I can’t vouch for the accuracy of the parody, but they’re pretty funny and obviously mean-spirited, so that’s good enough for me. They don’t make me any more likely to watch any of these shows, but they do make me yearn for the days when Dr. Katz used to air at least 14 times a day on Comedy Central. Ah, early years of Comedy Central, how I miss your unbroken hours of content featuring an almost complete lack of original programming.

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