You may remember him from such drivers' ed films as "Alice's Adventures Through the Windshield Glass" and "The Decapitation of Larry Leadfoot."

TLC has long been America’s #1 channel for people seeking a 21st century freak show, but the cable network is edging into truTV’s territory with its newest offering:

The network has ordered D.U.I., a new series that goes behind the scenes of drunk-driving law enforcement in Oklahoma. TLC has picked up 12 episodes, with six debuting next month and the rest planned for 2012.

Unlike COPS, the TLC show just focuses on drunk-driving suspects and follows their story from being pulled over and being interrogated, to, if necessary, arrest and sentencing. [EW]

I freely admit that drunk people getting arrested can be hilarious (see: donka doo balls), but as someone who’s been pulled over under suspicion of DUI three different times (and never arrested!), I don’t think I could enjoy this. Even when you’re SOBER it’s an incredibly annoying/scary process. “I can smell alcohol in your vehicle.” Yeah officer, did you not see the three Marines passed out in my car? Or did you just think they were really tired from volunteering at a soup kitchen on a Saturday night?

Ahhhh, nothing makes me feel like intellectual pursuits are a complete waste quite like Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi speaking straight from the heart. This time, the New York Times bestselling author sat down with GQ and shared her views about reading, politics, how she’d change “Jersey Shore,” and absolutely nothing that will make you feel good about the state of the nation. Choice excerpts:

GQ: So, I’ve got to ask: You’ve really never heard of J.K. Rowling or Maya Angelou?
Snooki: I don’t read. I don’t like to read Harry Potter or anything like that. It’s not my style.

GQ: But you’re a New York Times best-selling author!
Snooki: Yeah, doesn’t mean I have to read.

GQ: Fair point. What is your favorite book?
Snooki: Dear John. I read that in a day because it was so amazing. And then I ended up seeing the movie and it was really good. [SERIOUSLY? -Ed.] We were supposed to read in high school but I never did because I just used the CliffsNotes, books were too long.

*rubs temples* I… I don’t even want to process everything I just read there. Let’s just move on to how smart Snooki thinks she is:

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Even the best reality competitions — and “Top Chef” is certainly that — rely on a format that’s as predictable as it is comfortable to viewers. That’s what makes this video from Jest so funny: in a TV landscape where spin-offs are everywhere, the notion of “Top Chef” focusing on hapless fathers isn’t THAT big of a stretch. And the way this catches the details of “Top Chef” — the kitchen confrontations, the confessionals about teammates, the camera sweeping across the completed dishes — in an economical two and a half minutes makes this a great little spoof.

Judge 1: Charles. I really love the decision to serve the pizza cold.
Judge 2: And the orange soda being flat was a nice touch.
Charles: I lost the top a couple days ago, so I covered it in plastic wrap. No sense in throwing it out!

Expensive Private School Dogs watch 'Jersey Shore' for the subtle nods to Godard

I watch “Jersey Shore” for the drinking and fighting and terrible clothes and irresponsible sexual activity, but I’ve always felt that there was something MORE that I was missing, some kind of deeper meaning. Thankfully, someone at the elite University of Chicago organized a symposium to analyze “Jersey Shore” in the most pretentious terms possible.

[Deena] popped up frequently as a subject of academic discussion, particularly for an episode in which she thwarted the Situation’s attempt to bring home twins by swiping one for herself. In the process she became a trickster figure, upending the show’s heteronormativity and its power dynamics.

*kisses fingers* Ahhh, now THAT is some Grade-A pretentious academic codswallop if I’ve ever seen it. Nevertheless, I could use some more references to Marx and Foucault:

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China’s government is upset with the way television is “fueling more independent viewpoints” and has ordered “overly entertaining” shows off the air by next year. Well, at least they’ll still get CBS. From the AP:

The order from the State Administration of Radio, Film and Television refers to shows that are vulgar or “overly entertaining.” It singles out programs dealing with marital troubles and matchmaking, talent shows, game shows, variety shows, talk shows and reality programming.

I don’t say this too often, but man: way to go, Chinese Communist Party.

Such shows must be largely phased out by the beginning of next year by the country’s 34 satellite TV stations, to be replaced with news and cultural programming. The order also bans viewership surveys and the use of ratings as the sole criteria for whether to broadcast a particular show…

The crackdown coincides with a bout of national hand-wringing over a lack of public ethics, highlighted by the death last week of a toddler who was struck by a vehicle and left for dead by passersby.

That story doesn’t surprise me in the least. I just hope those “public ethics” make it to Chinatown. “You ever ride public transportation with the Chinese? They’re goddamn animals,” is what a racist person might say.