“Mad Men” actress Christina Hendricks took a huge step in breaking off my imaginary love affair with her yesterday when she married comedic actor and human-sized fish/troll mutant hybrid Geoffrey Arend at New York City restaurant Il Buco. People says:
The redheaded Hendricks, 34, and actor Arend, 31, were engaged earlier this year after being introduced by her Mad Men costar Vincent Kartheiser…
Hendricks said she loves “everything” about Arend. “He’s considerate, he’s thoughtful, he’s smart, he takes care of me,” she said in July. “He’s very, very giving.”
Not on a list of “everything”: handsome. Listen, I don’t expect famous sexy people like Christina Hendricks to date unfamous sexy people like me. I know my lot in life. But this just sets a bad example for the rest of the world. Because if that dude gets Christina Hendricks, then I warrant a Brazilian bikini model with no gag reflex and a vibrating vagina. So ladies, if that’s not you, forget about getting with this. You can blame Christina Hendricks.
UPDATE: Just Jared has photos from the wedding. This may come as a bit of a surprise, but she looks really pretty and he’s not very attractive.
“…and 2-for-1 deadly beatings on Tuesdays”
Ashley “A.J.” Jewell, who until recently was engaged to “Real Housewives of Atlanta” star Kandi Burress (pictured), was beaten to death outside an Atlanta strip club (also pictured) Friday night.
Atlanta police charged a strip club employee with voluntary manslaughter Saturday in the beating death of the former fiancé of the newest member of the reality television show The Real Housewives of Atlanta…
Jewell died of massive head injuries at Piedmont Hospital. He was fatally injured in a “one-on-one” fight with Fredrick Richardson Friday night, police said…
Jewell was part owner of the club, and police have yet to determine the cause of the fight.
There are two things to take away from this: (1) People who date reality TV stars die in horrible ways. I think it’s God trying to effect some Darwinian changes by encouraging us humans to not procreate with people on reality TV shows. And (2) I swear not ONE “real housewife” who enters the news cycle is ACTUALLY MARRIED. Why don’t people care about this? Aren’t there ACTUAL real housewives who are pissed that they’re not getting on the show because Bravo keeps choosing unmarried and divorced women? Like, it’s bad enough the supposed reality show is a cheaply manufactured soap. Can’t there be SOME kind of honesty in the title? How about the “Real Shallow Arguing Bitches”? I could respect that kind of transparency.
During last night’s “Late Show,” David Letterman addressed the audience with a ten-minute monologue that detailed how a CBS News employee tried to extort him for $2 million with threats to reveal that Letterman had sex with female employees of “The Late Show.” I recommend reading the AP news story for details, but amazingly, because Letterman sprinkled the speech with jokes, his story of blackmail and illicit sex was received warmly by the audience. At the 7:45 mark of the video above, Letterman finally gets around to what he was being extorted for:
“The creepy stuff was that I have had sex with women who work for me on this show. Now, my response to that is: Yes, I have.” [APPLAUSE]
I absolute love the audience cheering that. “WOOO SEX WITH EMPLOYEES! Way to stick it to ‘em Dave!” I’d kind of like to see what kind of admissions you can win people over with just because you’re the victim of blackmail. “So, after I went through this horrible ordeal, I feel I should tell you that, yes, I did kill those hookers and leave their bodies in wet cement when I got my driveway re-paved. But they were already dead on the inside, amirite?”
I apologize in advance for writing his story in the laziest, most uninteresting way possible, but it’s really not worth decent writing. It’s not even worth the time I put into the Photoshop, totally awesome though it may be.
So Jon Gosselin got fired from the show he’s on. Then he acted to halt the show’s filming. Now TLC is treating him like the bitch he is. TLC’s statement:
“We are aware of Jon Gosselin’s recent statements, and remain deeply disappointed at his continued erratic behavior. He and the family were shooting as recently as last Friday, without incident, and his latest comments are grossly inaccurate, without merit and are clearly opportunistic. Despite Jon Gosselin’s repeated self destructive and unprofessional actions, he remains under an exclusive contract with TLC. Direct filming of the children has been currently suspended, pending further conversations between both parents.”
Okay, that’s it from me. This show no longer exists to me. You’ll never have to read about Jon and Kate or their little mongoloid children ever again on this site. Unless something really, really terrible happens to them. And I’m not talking about cancellation. I’m talking freak thresher accident. Does anyone out there sell farm equipment? Can we get some more threshers sent to Pennsylvania? Do me a solid here. Just leave the threshers idling around the Gosselin house.
In news that may possibly SHATTER THE EARTH, two actors who worked closely together on the set of a television show have begun dating. In this case, the rumored couple is “True Blood” vampires Alexander Skarsgard (Meekus!) and Evan Rachel Wood. From Lainey Gossip (via Socialite Life):
Evan Rachel Wood and Alexander Skarsgard are dating. Am told exclusively by an infallible source that it’s been several weeks now. And that she flew to Shreveport, Louisiana on Friday to visit him. Skarsgard is there working on Straw Dogs with Kate Bosworth…
[T]hey met, of course, on the set of True Blood, and were able to keep it low key, very underground while they were in LA, never venturing out to pap friendly locations, only sighted a few times discreetly, and so far the relationship is progressing well, they’re having fun together.
I don’t think this should come as a surprise, as Evan Rachel Wood is a sexy-ass redhead who’s been rumored to hump just about everyone she acts with. If you look at all the rumors about her over the years, she comes off as kind of a gigantic slut. But I don’t mean that in a bad way. Why do people always use “slut” as a pejorative? “Ooh, I hate sexually liberated women who put out!” Damn our Puritanical heritage, always making virtue a virtue.
Jillian Harris and Ed Swiderski, the happy couple that resulted from the last season of “The Bachelorette,’ were more or less unfazed by the tabloid stories that Ed had hooked up with two of his ex-girlfriends while he was supposed to be engaged to Jillian (reminder: “Bring beer and condoms“). Now, a website has turned up the entire email chain with both women, and Ed allegedly declared that he’s not even attracted to Jillian.
More shocking than the contents of the emails — in which Swiderski told Johnson, “I’m going to molest you when I get home” — is that Swiderski was seemingly happy to see them all over the Internet.
When the RealitySteve.com blogger alerted Swiderski that he was going to run his conversations on his Web site, the Bachelorette winner replied, “Go with it, Steve-o!” [...]
“You worry too much!” he wrote [to an ex]. “You know I never took this thing seriously. In addition, I’ve let the director know that I would be doing the show for the wrong reasons as I am not, in any way, attracted to the chick.” [Us]
You can read the whole thing over at RealitySteve and judge for yourself. I mean, if you even care. Me, I’m too disillusioned by all of this. I can’t believe that something on a reality TV show was presented in a false manner. If people competing on television can’t find a life partner, how are us regular folk supposed to believe in love?
