Last spring, Howie Kohlenberg, a 47-year-old beauty products salesman and entrepreneur, appeared on “The Marriage Ref” with his 37-year-old wife, Christine. Since then, Kohlenberg’s struggling business failed, his wife left him to chase Hollywood dreams, and he’s gone bankrupt and now faces eviction. And Kohlenberg’s blowing the whistle on the monster who created this mess: “Marriage Ref” producer Jerry Seinfeld. The NY Post has this groundbreaking scoop:

Kohlenberg says he and Christine were happily married but having money issues with their now-defunct Midtown spa when a friend suggested auditioning for the show. They were picked out of a pool of thousands. ”We did it to drum up some business,” he said. “They promised to promote the spa on air. They didn’t.”

Whoa whoa whoa. Is he saying that some people in the television industry… didn’t fulfill a promise? But that’s DISHONEST! This is the first time I’ve ever heard of such moral shortcomings in Hollywood.

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Doug Hutchison, a 51-year-old actor who appeared in “Lost” and “The X-Files,” married a 16-year-old singer named Courtney Stodden last month in a ceremony that older men everywhere are calling “totally awesome.”

At least, that’s the story from E! Online. Celebuzz found a modeling page of Stodden that lists her at 17, while Hollywood casting directors with eyes would describe her as “too old” to play a high school girl. Regardless of her true age, she’s still young enough to need her mother’s permission to marry this gnarly pervert.

As much as I applaud scoring teenage tail in your 50s, I can’t help but question the wisdom of marrying a 16-year-old. I mean, sure, they’re great to get pregnant, but you don’t want to raise a kid with them. That’s why I never tell high school girls my real name.

(Click through for Stodden’s terrible music, her super-classy modeling photos, and Hutchison’s creepier roles.)

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We all know that Jesse James cheated on Sandra Bullock with fellow Nazi tattoo enthusiast Michelle “Bombshell” McGee, a revelation that came just days after Bullock tearfully thanked her husband in her Oscar acceptance speech. James is now affianced to fellow reality star Kat Von D, and during an appearance on Howard Stern’s radio show, he revealed shocking information about the sexual proclivities of his amours.

If anybody can get celebs comfortable talking about what goes on behind closed doors, it’s Stern. James told the magician of information that sex with Von D is ’100 percent’ better than that with Bullock. [Popwatch]

Whoa whoa whoa. That’s crazy talk. You mean the chick with the face and neck tattoos is more uninhibited than the vanilla actress admired by Middle America? The woman who’s addicted to getting needles jabbed into her skin is more sexually adventurous than Miss Congeniality? Why, my heart can hardly handle such ground-breaking and unexpected news. I shall now close my laptop computing device and fan myself, lest Mr. James devastate me with news that Snooki is perhaps less intellectually inclined than Ira Glass.

I don’t mention Olivia Wilde often because I try to encourage women to have huge boobs, but the truth of the matter is that the “House” actress/burgeoning movie star is one of the most exquisite women in Hollywood. The only downside to fantasizing about her is that she’s been married to an Italian prince for the last eight years (since she was 18), so losers like me never got those prime “I have a chance!” fantasies that happen when a celeb is single.

Well, break out your voodoo dolls and telephoto lenses, because it’s time to start obsessing the right way:

It’s over for Olivia Wilde and her husband Tao Ruspoli. The House M.D. actress and her husband have mutually agreed to separate after eight years of marriage, PEOPLE has learned.

“They have been living apart after trying for quite some time to make their relationship work,” says a source… Wilde’s rep confirmed the separation but no other information was available. [People]

Reached for comment, Ruspoli said, “Ay! A prince no good for bellissima no more? Why you gotta make-a Tao cry in his spaghetti?!?”

Anyway, there’s only one way for a blogger to properly celebrate this momentous occasion: an unnecessary slideshow of Wilde in various states of undress! YEE HAW! Come on, click! Click, you fools! I need to make rent.

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This is really in the realm of “gossip” instead of “television news,” but I’m reporting it because it’s fantastic news: “Gossip Girl” co-stars Blake Lively and Penn Badgley have broken up after three excruciating years together. Excruciating for me, I mean.

Penn Badgley and Blake Lively, both 23, have ended their three-year romance, a rep for the Gossip Girl costars exclusively tells the new Us Weekly.

They called it quits in mid-September. ”They’re professionals,” an insider tells Us Weekly. “They’re still good friends and hang out on the set.”

I’m not quite sure why I get so excited about celebrity news like this. I mean, it makes no sense for me to get excited about Blake Lively being single, because it’s not like she’s going to start dating me. I’m already in a happy relationship, and I don’t appreciate her trying to get in the middle of it.

FUN FACT: Blake Lively’s breasts are lighter than air, softer than kitten fur, and able to cure cancer.