If you’re not familiar with him from re-airings of “The Graham Norton Show” on BBC America, Graham Norton brings a level of irreverence you never see in American late-night shows. It’s not just that he’s witty and funny, it’s that he brings out the best in his guests. He makes them seem real and funny and human and genuine instead of fake and plastic and rehearsed, which is the way most celebrities appear on even the best American talk shows. Norton’s ability to bring out the best in his guests, however, is not just limited to English celebs; he gets the best out of everyone. Like Salma Hayek, who confirmed what most of us already know: God prefers D Cups.

“I was the youngest in class and all these girls were starting to get them (breasts) and I wasn’t getting anything – I was really scared. I was getting teased a lot because everyone was older and I was the skinny tomboy. I went to a church that had a saint that was supposed to do a lot of miracles. I put my hands in the holy water and went: ‘Please Jesus give me some boobs.” (Source)

Can you imagine what would happen if the praying powers of Salma Hayek and Tim Tebow were combined? The NFL would be full of terrible quarterbacks with huge breasts. They would look like an Alison Brie Running GIF, they’d throw like Ned Flanders, and they’d WIN. Somehow, some way, despite no discernible talent and massive cleavage that affected their throwing motion, the Denver Broncos’ quarterbacks would lead the league in victories, incompletion percentage, and cup size and ratings would go through the roof.

Please, no "hairy pussy" jokes.

ABC has bought the rights to Argentine telenovela “Los Roldan” (Spanish for “the roldan”). Salma Hayek will executive produce, and The show will be written and produced by two writers from “Ugly Betty,” which of course was based on a telenovela “Betty La Fea.”

Like “Ugly Betty,” “Roldan” is a drama with comedic undertones. The show follows a working-class man who saves the life of a woman. She then hires him to run her company — much to the chagrin of her family.Local versions of “Los Roldan” have already been produced in Colombia, Mexico and Cyprus. [Variety]

You know what I like best about telenovelas? Unlike with European imports, I don’t have to listen to a bunch pretentious A-holes tell me how much better the British version was. Probably because I never talk to the help.

This is a clip from “Extra” where Salma Hayek, Maria Bello, and Maya Rudolph are all supposed to act enthused about their supporting roles in the coming retard brain fodder Grown-Ups. Instead, a snake slithers underfoot, and Hayek and Bello — especially Hayek — completely lose their minds. “NOOOOO!” Hayek screams in a blood-curdling register. “Somebody do something! NOOOOOOO!!!!” (Ironically, that was the same reaction from members of Grown-Ups test audiences who had an I.Q. higher than 75.)

I love me some Salma Hayek, but if I had been there in person with a club in my hand, I probably would have hit her in the head before going after the snake. Also, on the off chance that someone is sending poisonous snakes after the entire cast and crew of Grown-Ups: bravo, sir. Allow me to buy you a drink.

[Best Week Ever]

Salma Hayek and her magnificent rack have been in the news a lot recently, from spicing up “30 Rock” (pictured) to nourishing lucky African babies.  Now —  in what is suspected to be the first-ever trifecta news cycle to unite an NBC sitcom, African babies, and Prince — the Purple Pride of Minnesota has written a song about Hayek. 

The track is entitled ‘Valentina’, which is also the name of Hayek‘s daughter with French billionaire Francois-Henri Pinault. 

The song features the following lyrics: “Hey Valentina, tell your mama she should give me a call/ When she get tired of runnin’ after you down the hall/And she’s all worn out from those late-night feedings/and she’s ready for another rock and roll meeting“.

I won’t lie to you: there’s barely anything relevant here, and certainly nothing funny.  The point of this story is Salma Hayek’s boobs.  And look, there they are, right at the top of the post.  Ta-da!  Great story, Warming Glow!