In 1992, “Saved by the Bell” aired a four-episode TV movie in which the gang flew to Hawaii and saved Kelly’s grandfather’s hotel by terrorizing tourists. It was precisely as stupid as everything else that happened on “Saved by the Bell,” except Lisa and Kelly and Jesse wore bikini tops.

It should come as no surprise, then, that Warming Glow contributor Danger Guerrero is joining forces with lolslater — Tumblr’s finest “SBTB”-only blog — to spend an entire week talking about the movie. They’re spending one day discussing each episode in turn, then Friday they’ll answer reader questions about this fine piece of TV history (you can ask submit queries here or here). Here’s an excerpt from today’s entry:

LS: Between the gang’s junior and senior year of high school, they all go to visit Kelly’s grandfather, who owns a hotel in Honolulu, I guess.  Then a whole bunch of Saved By the Bellish things happen and we all learn a valuable lesson about something and I feel bad about myself for watching it. THE END.

DG: So I guess the most important part of Part 1 is the Screech thing, right? I mean, we could start with the part where Kelly’s family could apparently afford a round trip ticket to Hawaii, but not a ticket to the prom… but I think the fact that a white dork from California turned out to be the long-awaited savior of a native Hawaiian tribe is somewhat more important. And by “somewhat more important,” I mean “way a lot racist.” FUN FACT: Like 30% of the “indigenous Hawaiian tribesman” are just white dudes in straw hats!

Reading the entire thing is probably the best possible use of your time, assuming you have a terrible job and enjoy remembering awful pop culture. I love the Internet.

Despite strong ratings of late, producers of the CBS daytime gabfest “The Talk” have decided to shake things up and make some changes. Deadline reports that only co-hosts Sara Gilbert, Sharon Osbourne and Julie Chen will be returning for the third season, meaning that Leah Remini, aka “Saved by the Bell’s” Stacy Carosi, will not be brought back.

Now, I don’t know much about “The Talk.” As far as I can tell, it’s basically like “The View,” but with younger ladies. And when I say “as far as I can tell,” what I mean is “based on just sitting here and guessing because I really don’t feel like Googling this show to find out.” But what I DO know is that when there is TV news that involves someone who once had a fairly prominent role on “Saved by the Bell,” that means I have an opportunity to post some SBTB GIFs, mostly of Kelly Kapowski, without Matt yelling at me for trying to shoehorn in irrelevant stuff about the show. And you would be an insane person to assume I’m not going to do that. So yeah, click on through for that.

Oh, and also not being retained by “The Talk” is former “Hangin’ With Mr. Cooper” star Holly Robinson Peete, who to my knowledge never had a part on “Saved by the Bell” and therefore was justifiably not included in the banner pic or headline of this post.

Read the rest of this entry »

Welcome to the morning links. Click on them or I’ll starve to death. Banner image via sentivivo.

Sasha Grey will take your questions now. “Can I, uh… take you to dinner? That can either be a metaphor or not.” [Uproxx] (Reminder: If you have any interest in what’s happening on the Internet, you really need to be following what the Cajun Boy’s doing on the Uproxx main page.)

‘You are under so much arrest.’ If you’re not a long-time reader of The Dugout, meet two of the comic’s greatest characters: Elijah Dukes and LadyCop. [With Leather]

Superheroes and Supervillains Throughout History. As if Stalin wasn’t enough, now the Russians have Darth Vader. [Gamma Squad]

Top Ten Movies People Lie About Having Seen. I’ve never actually seen Taxi Driver (#3 on the list). I don’t particularly feel the need to lie about that. [FilmDrunk]

After the jump, more links and a “Saved by the Bell” GIF that will set Danger Guerrero’s heart aflame.

Read the rest of this entry »

Watch out, Angela Landsbury! The future is now! [F Yeah Murder She Wrote]

In case you missed it: One Shining Moment. Yeah, the NCAA championship game was crap, but the tournament was awesome. And I’m still waiting to see a “One Shining Moment” video set to an array of the bricks that Butler threw up on Monday. [With Leather]

Awww, dammit. I was saving this winking wiener corgi for Friday, but RoboPanda got to him first. That dude knows his corgis. [Gamma Squad]

This Week in F*ck You: People who insist on using typewriters. Nobody rages like Big Daddy Drew. [KSK]

Why did Julie Taymore get fired from the Spider-Man musical? Duh, sexism. Clearly a man would never lose his job for failure to keep a project on budget or on time. [FilmDrunk]

Surprise, surprise. Wendy Williams — not Kirstie Alley — got voted off “Dancing with the Stars.” [TV Squad]

Stick around after the jump; that’s where all the good stuff is.

Read the rest of this entry »

HO. LEE. CRAP.

So the “Rockumentary” episode of “Saved by the Bell” was on TBS the other morning. As I was watching it, I came to the realization that I know just about all the words to all the songs by the fictional band Zack Attack. I’m ok with this. After the episode, I took the ol’ Google box to see if I could find a clip from the episode to post on my Twitter, because, well, that’s what I do. Instead, I came upon this — the “Saved by the Bell” soundtrack, for sale on Amazon. If scientists ever figure out a way to turn WANT into an alternative energy source, I could have fueled the space program for a decade. But then… oh no…

ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS?! Holy mother of God. Look, I’m as big a nostalgic ’90s-/Kelly Kapowski-loving sap as there is in the world, but even I have enough self-respect to not blow $100+ on this. Maybe after a couple dozen drinks I could convince myself to get a used copy for $32, but come on, Amazon. You’re killing me here.

One additional note: Do yourself a favor and scroll down to the first review. Amazon user “aizjanika ‘veggie33′” has broken it down by track, with an explanation and personal take on each song, as well as a wish list of songs that weren’t included. Sample quote, “4. Love Me Now — This is a song from the “Rockumentary” episode. This is the song that Zack wrote with Mindy. The rest of the gang was not enthusiastic about this song–neither am I!” I love the Internet so much sometimes.

Below: “Friends Forever.” Don’t act like you don’t know the words.

Read the rest of this entry »