Here, via the Live Feed, are the first eight and a half minutes of ABC’s remake of the ’80s classic sci-fi thriller “V.” The best part happens at around the 3:55 mark, when Jesus tries to kill a homeless guy in a wheelchair. (I feel ya, Jesus. I feel ya.) The rest of the video’s not gonna make you crap your pants or anything, but I imagine the “spaceship looming over Manhattan” scene will look pretty cool on a giant flatscreen with HD. Hey, does anyone have a giant flatscreen with HD? Well la dee dah, your highness.

Anyway, “V” will air for four weeks during sweeps starting November 3rd, then ABC will shelve it until early next year, a marketing method commonly known as “blue balls.”  I guess we have to wait to get our “V” card! Wokka wokka wokka! *falls through trap door*

Next fall, ABC will air a remake/re-imagining of the classic ’80s miniseries “V,” starring Morris Chestnut, Michael J. Fox, and a bunch of other people who look vaguely familiar.  Wait a minute.  That’s not Michael J. Fox, that’s Scott Wolf.  Holy crap, he looks EXACTLY like Michael J. Fox.  That’s uncanny.  He’s a degenerative movement disorder away from being Teen Wolf’s son.  He’s even got the right last name!

What?  Oh right, the TV show.  Anyway, judging by the stills, the people of Earth spend a lot of time looking up at the sky, and the producers have done away with the iconic red spray-painted V, as well as the Fascist ovetones in the alien wardrobe.  Now the aliens just wear sleek gray suits with futuristic collars.  You can always identify alien life forms because their collars are all weird.  Which is why I take an aluminum baseball bat to anyone with a popped collar.  Can’t take any chances.

Last October, ABC announced plans to remake “V,” the creepy alien invasion story from the ’80s that spawned two miniseries and a weekly series.  And now Scott Wolf, best known (read: only known) for his role as Bailey on “Party of Five,” has been cast in the new version.  Entertainment Weekly’s Michael Ausiello breathlessly reports:

Scott Wolf has been tapped to star in ABC’s reboot of the campy ’80s drama, V, sources confirm to me exclusively.

It’s believed the Party of Five alum will play the role of Ryan, an extremely good-looking dude who’s harboring a deep, dark secret from his girlfriend.

That secret: HE’S GAY!  Oh, and a reptilian alien that’s part of a secret plot to take over Earth and harvest humans as food.  But his girlfriend will be especially devastated about the gay thing.

By the way, seeing the ridiculous crappiness of this scene 25 years after it originally freaked the hell out of me is really disappointing.  I hate to say it, but this is one series that could really benefit from the developments in special effects technology.