This Sesame Street spoof of Isaiah Mustafa’s Old Spice commercials has been everywhere for the last couple days. I don’t think it’s all that interesting, but that may be because I already know how to use the word “on.” I don’t exactly need a tutorial from Grover.

Hey Sesame Street, you wanna get my attention? Make a video that explains the difference between your and you’re. Here’s a free sample: “Your word usage is incorrect because you’re a moron.” Children are never too young to learn.

I’m not a parent, which is great because it allows me to stay up late, drink every night, and only watch television that has lots of violence and sex. It also means that the rat poison is fine where it is and those exposed electrical wires can wait until next week to be fixed.

That said, I can’t help but feel that Katy Perry’s short, low-cut dress for her appearance on “Sesame Street” (video below) was maybe not the most appropriate wardrobe choice she could have made. Don’t get me wrong: Katy Perry’s tits are a thing of wonder and a joy to behold, and she’s almost certainly the best pop starlet to masturbate to on mute. I just think four years old is a little too young to start masturbating. I guess I’m old-fashioned that way.

UPDATE: In response to parents being upset, the clip won’t be televised. Sweet. Now if we can just get Katy to stop recording music…

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“Sesame Street” did a scene where they recreated “Mad Men,” and for some reason every website is posting this video and making a big deal out of it, even though the video is insanely boring and in no way parodies or even synthesizes the Emmy-winning show in any way. It’s just muppets in suits talking about happy versus sad. Which is fine if you’re three years old and watching “Sesame Street,” but it’s a gigantic f-cking waste of my time over here in Bigboyville, where I care about things that are slightly beyond the kindergarten-level of entertainment. I don’t stoop to anything less than 4th grade!

Seriously, though, this is lame and I hate it. Get back to me when the muppets start swilling whiskey and screwing on the couches in their offices. Because that graduates this from a G-rating straight to J.

For Japan.

[Gonzo Gal]

I have no idea what this is supposed to be. But what it appears to be is a Japanese show called “Banana Street” that will rape your childhood memories. The hosts are dressed as Bert and Ernie, and as if it wasn’t creepy enough to see two Japanese guys in elaborate yellow and orange makeup, they proceed to teach fellow Japanese people some ins and outs of the English language. Specifically, sexually harassment and swearing. Thanks a lot, muppets on beloved children’s show turned perverted Japanese reality!

[BoingBoing via Videogum]

Hey parents! Do your children enjoy “Sesame Street”? Then I’ve got a Great Idea Alert for you: Tickle Me Elmo Hands.

Now Elmo puts the Tickle Power in your hands with Tickle Hands Elmo! … One tickle hand features tickle technology. Press Elmo’s nose on the hand to activate. When child touches a surface, the hand begins to vibrate and you’ll get fun phrases from Elmo and silly sound effects. The more you tickle the more Elmo laughs!

Also, they make excellent driving gloves if you own a windowless van.

[via Topless Robot]