At 2 p.m. Eastern today, CBS will debut “The Talk,” a direct competitor to “The View” that, by its mere existence, automatically sucks less than ABC’s Insanity Roundtable. Starring in the new show are (from left) “Big Brother” host Julie Chen, former “King of Queens” (and “Saved by the Bell”) star Leah Remini, Sara Gilbert (Darlene from “Roseanne”), Sharon Osbourne, Holly Robinson Peete, and a young Kathy Najimy (or Marissa Jaret Winokur from Hairspray).

What makes the show different from “The View” — aside from the hosts being younger and less unattractive — is that they’ll apply the subjects through a unifying lens of motherhood:

That means discussions on subjects such as bullying, spanking and lying to your kids will dominate — “everything you would talk about if you sat with your group of friends over coffee,” says executive producer (and mom of two) Gilbert, 35, who conceived The Talk as a kind of national mothers’ group… “I totally respect The View and I think it’s flattering to be compared to it, but I definitely think this is a different show.” [USA Today]

What I find especially remarkable about “The Talk” is that the panel features a Scientologist (Remini) and a former rock groupie whose son is a drug addict (Osbourne), and I’m still like, “Wow, what a huge step up from ‘The View’. These women will have MUCH more informed opinions.”

Megan Hauserman, the reality show vixen* lovingly rendered in this tattoo, is suing Sharon Osbourne for an altercation that happened in December while filming the “Rock of Love Charm School” reunion special.  (As you may recall, viewer nostalgia ran so high when “Rock of Love Charm School” ended that VH1 had no choice but to do a reunion.)  (That was a lie.)

Megan Hauserman’s suit filed Monday in Los Angeles claims battery, negligence and intentional infliction of emotional distress. She seeks a jury trial and punitive damages… The suit claims Osbourne hit Hauserman, pulled her hair and scratched her.

You can watch the confrontation here.  Basically, Osbourne said Hauserman should get spayed (true), Hauserman returned the sentiment (true) and added that Osbourne is only famous because of Ozzy (also true).  Then Sharon threw a drink on her, security intervened, and everyone in the studio acted as if Sharon just liberated Vichy France from the Nazis.  It was, as VH1 called it at the time, “Sunday.”

*skank