Smallville (The CW, Friday) – I am giving this top billing for three reasons. 1) It is the series finale. 2) I had no idea it was still on, and neither did you. 3) I wanted to run a picture of Erica Durance as the banner instead of Ed Helms.

Blue Bloods (CBS, Friday) – Season finale. I know a few people who watch this that swear it’s not the usual, run of the mill, crapfest CBS procedural. I still have not watched it, mainly because if I do, and they are wrong, I will cause a tremendous scene demanding that hour of my life back that will ruin the friendships. One of them makes terrific chili dip that she always brings to social gatherings. It’s just not a risk I’m willing to take.

Saturday Night Live (NBC, Saturday) – Ed Helms hosts, with musical guest Paul Simon. I’ve liked Ed Helms in just about everything he’s done, so I’m cautiously optimistic on this one. Don’t hurt me, SNL. I’m quite fragile.

Parking Wars (A&E, Saturday) – Two of the most loathsome subsets of people in the world are meter maids and reality television stars. This show managed to combine them. I’ve made the case a number of times that this is the worst thing to ever happen to my precious Philadelphia.

Survivor (ABC, Sunday) – Season finale. Spoiler alert: A malnourished person wins $1 million.

Desperate Housewives (ABC, Sunday) – Season finale. Spoiler alert: Bleh.

The Killing (AMC, Sunday) – Spoiler alert: It rains a lot while ominous music plays.

Game of Thrones (HBO, Sunday) – Spoiler alert: Someone gets killed, someone gets naked, someone gets killed while naked.

Teri Hatcher’s big break came in 1993, when she was cast as Lois in “Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman.” This may be hard to believe for you young’uns, but she was one of the sexiest women of the ’90s (I keep telling everyone I know that it was a crappy decade). Really, it’s true. She was one of the most famous and memorable girlfriends on “Seinfeld.” She even beat out Monica Bellucci to be a Bond girl, a decision that I hope resulted in someone being eaten alive by wild dogs.

And now, ravaged by time and Botox, Hatcher will play Lois Lane’s mother on “Smallville.”

For the show’s 10th and final season, producers have scored perhaps their biggest (maybe even the biggest possible) casting coup: They’ve snagged erstwhile Lois Lane Teri Hatcher to play mom to Erica Durance’s Lois Lane!

I know what you’re thinking: But Lois’ mom, Ella, is dead! Follow along now… In episode 8, titled “Abandoned,” Lois discovers old videotapes of her mother. I think you can figure the rest out for yourself. [Ausiello] [Ed. Note: Good God, do I wanna kick that guy in the balls.]

I suppose I can’t feel too bad for Hatcher, what with all the crazy cash she’s making on “Desperate Housewives.” I mean, at least she’s still working. When reached for comment, Dean Cain said, “Hey baby, you ever been jacked off by Superman? C’mon, don’t walk away, it’ll be the best ten bucks you ever spend.”

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It seems like it was only just yesterday that we learned “Big Brother” winner Adam Jasinski got busted for trying to sell 2000 oxycodone pills to a government witness. Well, in case you needed proof that scripted television is better than its reality-based counterpart, former “Smallville” actor Sam Jones was arrested for his part in a conspiracy to deal more than 10,000 oxycodone pills. In your face, Jasinski.

TMZ has learned Sam Jones, who played Clark Kent’s best friend on the show ["Toke Black Guy"], was taken into custody by DEA agents who claim Jones was a “co-conspirator” in a series of major drug deals in 2008.

According to documents filed in federal court, the DEA claims Jones was the “Hollywood connection” in a plot to illegally purchase and distribute the oxycodone… If convicted, Jones faces up to 20 years in federal prison.

Dude, who the hell is buying that many pills? Michael Jackson’s already dead.