This picture won’t help.

Shane Sparks, an Emmy-nominated choreographer for “So You Think You Can Dance” and a judge on “America’s Best Dance Crew,” was arrested Friday on suspicion of felony child molestation stemming from alleged incidents fifteen years ago.

The Los Angeles district attorney’s office filed an eight-count felony complaint [Friday] against Sparks, alleging multiple lewd acts upon a child, starting in 1994. It identified the victim as a girl who was younger than 14 years old when the incidents began. [LA Times]

Web site TMZ reported that Sparks attorney Steve Meister said ‘the case “stinks to high heaven” because Sparks’ accuser waited 15 years to come forward. He called the claims “extortion, Hollywood-style.” [Examiner]

Sparks, meanwhile, called the sex “statutory rape, Polanski-style.”

Two days ago, the Internet got all up in a tizzy because some people thought it looked like a contestant on “So You Think You Can Dance” flashed the world with her bare vagina. That was an actual belief that seemed plausible to people. They actually believed that someone who was on TV for the specific purpose of dancing would wear a short dress and no underwear. I can’t even begin to wrap my head around how f-cking retarded that is. Thankfully, Fox released these pictures of said contestant very obviously wearing tights over bloomers, because — again — that’s the sort of thing dancers wear, rather than nothing.

Anyway, you didn’t see that story here on Warming Glow because I’m not a breathless idiot. Usually. I make exceptions for Christina Hendricks.

Update: Now with 100% more JAZZ HANDS!!!!! Ha-cha-cha-chaaaaa!  More pictures here.

Katie Holmes was on last night’s episode of “So You Think You Can Dance” to sing and dance a tribute to Judy Garland (video below). Don’t be scared by the length of the clip: the first two minutes are Katie talking about some charity that she’s dancing for — “it’s for the children, blah blah blah” — then she does the little old-timey number for two and a half minutes, then the rest of it is voting results.  I think.  I kinda skipped through a lot of it.

It’s not particularly bad, just boring.  I mean, I guess Katie does okay, but the big musical number in fancy clothes with dancing around light poles as a tribute to an actress who died forty years ago just doesn’t resonate with this blogger at a laptop computer in the 21st century.  Don’t get me wrong, there were a lot of things that I like about the 1940s and ’50s — men in fedoras, openly drinking at work, consequence-free sexual harassment, casual racism, the Holocaust — but this kind of musical number just isn’t one of them.

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I love Jack White, okay?  I’m That Guy: you know, the one that has pretentious idiot music-snob conversations about how Meg White is a perfect drummer for the White Stripes because Jack intentionally gives himself constraints to work within, because that’s the only way that he can make music challenging for himself, maaaaaaan.  I deserve your scorn.

As That Guy, I think “Seven Nation Army” is about as badass as a rock song can be and still be a huge pop hit.  And I’m glad that it’s a popular song, because the aural retards who listen to Top 40 should be exposed to something good from time to time.

Unfortunately, the song’s popularity eventually manifested itself in the opening number to the most recent episode of “So You Think You Can Dance,” a number that the L.A. Times called a “sharp military-inspired hip-hop dance… reminiscent of Janet Jackson’s ‘Rhythm Nation’ video.”  Which is funny, because I call it reminiscent of wanting to punch people.

[via Stereogum]

Although Tokyo’s Nobuya Nagahama failed to make the final 20 on “So You Think You Can Dance”  (I guess he got “no boo-yah”?  That’s okay, I was leaving anyway), we can still enjoy his locking talents thanks to the miracle of YouTube.  And while his dancing skills are more than charming, what I really enjoyed was him pronouncing “ballet” as “bahray.”  Hooray for stereotypes!

On a side note, even though enlightened TV watchers claim that “SYTYCD” is excellent reality television, I still have a hard time watching the show because of Mary Murphy’s face.  Every time they cut to her reaction, I’m like “GAH!”  It’s so jarring.  She looks like a stroke victim with botox.

[BuzzFeed]