As far as I can tell, nobody watches “Entourage” for the acting or writing or plot. All of the male characters are despicable jackasses, and 95% of the female characters are there to look sexy and get used by the men. That makes the show a relatively accurate depiction of Los Angeles, and it also lends to the most common reason I hear for watching the show: “Dude, hot naked chicks.”

That’s what makes the music video/commercial for “Entourage” on Spike kind of brilliant, in its own way (watch it below). It features the actresses who were used for their bodies singing about how the show used them for their bodies. It’s actually pretty savvy of Spike to embrace and celebrate the only reason people watch the show, even though the bare essentials (so to speak) of those reasons have been edited from the basic cable version.

Before you watch the video, be warned: the song is terrible, and white women haven’t gotten any better at rapping since the Spice Girls. However, just like “Entourage,” people can praise the presence of hot chicks, a porn star, and Gary Busey. But unlike “Entourage,” Vince and Turtle and Drama are almost completely edited out, so it’s actually kind of watchable.

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The Scream Awards air tonight on Spike TV, whatever those are and whatever channel that is. To help promote it, they made a retro Dharma video that any “Lost” viewer will recognize (video below). It’s the sort of promotional material that die-hard Losties will love because they’ll grasp on to anything that feels familiar, even if it’s just re-warming bygone characters for unrelated promotional material.

Honestly, though, the video is fine. I’m just being a sourpuss because I haven’t had any caffeine yet today. And also because I like making Losties complain. “WAHHHH, STOP MAKING FUN OF LOST!” Whatever you do, Losties, don’t stop responding to my trolling. Your whining fuels me. It’s like a warm glass of unicorn blood on a crisp spring morning.

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Fresh on the heels of the Chilean miner rescue, Spike has announced a new docu-series called “Coal,” which follows the lives of miners in West Virginia. The series will be executive produced by Thom Beers and his Original Productions company, who are also responsible for “Deadliest Catch,” “Ice Road Truckers,” and “Ax Men.”

The show will focus on Mike Crowder and Tom Roberts, co-owners of Cobalt Mine in Westchester, W.Va., and the area’s miners, families and community members. The mining team has more than 40 employees, and this series will show every major aspect of their jobs, from planting explosives to surface mining to working in a traditional mine shaft…

[Spike VP Sharon] Levy said the dire situation in Chile during the past 70 days only reinforced the idea that a close look at the harsh realities of mining was overdue. The network was prepared to announce the project weeks ago but held off until rescue workers could begin freeing the miners. [THR]

Spike held off on the announcement out of respect to the families of the miners, of course. Oh sure, announcing it the same day as the last of the rescues may SEEM like a publicity stunt, but in truth they’re announcing it now to celebrate the Chilean miners. TV executives have a reputation for thoughtful, selfless acts like this. It makes up for drinking the blood of newborn babies.

Denise Richards, who was once widely respected for her Neve Campbell-kissing skills and willingness to get naked, is facing the ultimate insult. No longer worthy of an E! reality show, she’s dropping down to the next rung on the way out of Hollywood: acting in a Spike original series.

The actress, 39, is joining the cast of Spike TV’s raunchy football comedy Blue Mountain State in a recurring role as Debra, Ed Marinaro’s hot-headed former flame.

“She plays the coach’s ex-wife, and I think I sleep with her!” co-star Darin Brooks tells UsMagazine.com of Richards’ role. “She’s trying to get back at him.” [Us Magazine]

Oh, yay! Denise Richards acting! It’ll be like that time she played a physicist in a Bond movie, except ten years later after she’s had two children.

The lesson, as always, is this: ladies, STAY AWAY from Charlie Sheen. Christ. How many lives does that guy have to ruin? A meth habit would be better for your career than that dude.

When the Japanese aren’t busy stacking food on their pets, they’re usually doing some other combination of insane and adorable, and this pet penguin is no exception. Lala the king penguin lives with a family in Japan, and he wears a little penguin backpack on his trips to the fish market. Awwwww, that’s adorable! Did you see the way the Antarctic bird is living in an air-conditioned room under the stairs in a hot and humid city?

Of course, there haven’t been any new episodes of “Real TV” since 2001, so even though this video is new to the Internet, Lala may very well be dead. Settle down, settle down — king penguins live 30 years, so I’m sure he’s fine. But you never know with Japan. Japanese men get erections from killing dolphins, so I don’t see what makes a penguin so valuable. The only thing Japan loves more than cute things is killing cute things for sexual release. I hear they slaughter entire litters of Golden Retriever puppies in Tokyo. It’s the hottest orgy in town.

[BuzzFeed]