"Excuse me, sir, you can't sleep here."

I generally don’t praise “Lost” without adding the caveat that I’m turned off by the needless complexity infused throughout the show, and my delight in antagonizing people who take the show VERY seriously often gets me pegged as a “hater,” so I wanted to make an official statement regarding last night’s episode: nice job, “Lost.” We managed to have an entire episode that answered questions and addressed mysteries without cracking them too far open. Naturally, I can’t state which mysteries and questions were addressed, because the show aired only 18 hours ago and I don’t want to be renounced by spoiler-sensitive Johnny-come-latelys. Hell, for all I know, Richard with facial hair is a spoiler.

Regardless, consider this untainted praise: that was a very good episode. Probably because there were no alternate-reality flashes. Oops, is that a spoiler?

(images via bohemea)

Dimwitted TV addicts being hypersensitive about so-called spoilers on the Internet is probably the most annoying aspects of blogging about television, and breathless retard Michael Ausiello isn’t helping by posting this promo for “Chuck” with the headline ‘Chuck’ spoiler alert: Check out the new trailer!

No. Goddammit, NO. Someone needs to grab this little fruitcake and shake the sh*t out of him while shouting IT’S NOT A SPOILER! IT’S A F*CKING PROMO! TV SHOWS DON’T PUT SPOILERS INTO THINGS INTENDED TO MAKE PEOPLE WATCH! IT WOULD BE COUNTER-F*CKING-PRODUCTIVE.

Seriously, if any of you happen to be holding a claw hammer and are standing next to Ausiello, do me a favor and cave his head in. He’s not using it anyway.

SPOILER ALERT! The Smoke Monster is more aerodynamic than ever before!

Lost (ABC) — I’m going to go to the movies tonight, so I may not be able to run my weekly “Lost” spoilerkkake on Twitter. However, I encourage you to tweet @mattufford and @WarmingGlow with spoilers. After all, if I can’t stay off Twitter before watching “Lost,” then I deserve it.

American Idol (Fox) — The top 24 begin their performances. Only another ten weeks before I start half-paying attention out of occupational necessity!

White Collar (USA) — Another person told me that this is kind of worth checking out. STOP HALFHEARTEDLY ENCOURAGING ME TO WATCH SHOWS ON USA. I already occasionally watch “Burn Notice,” what more do you want from me?

Winter Olympics (NBC) — Women’s figure skating, men’s giant slalom, women’s ski cross. That reminds me to be sad about Sasha Cohen not making the Olympic team.

Dirty Jobs (Discovery) — Did you realize that Mike Rowe used to shill on QVC? It’s true; check out the video below (thanks to Panda for the tip).

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The Fine Brothers are responsible for this impressive (and funny) video that gives away the endings to 100 different TV shows. I love it. There’s nothing I enjoy more than pissing off the TV dorks who go running from the room with their hands over their ears any time you talk about future plot development. The Fine Bros. say:

We start by spoiling this year’s Emmy nominees for Best Drama and Comedy, and then go on to spoil the biggest series finales in television history……but as always the catch is……we do it all in one take.

I’m impressed by the one-take thing, but they’ve got a pretty loose sense of the word “spoiler.”  Like, they “spoil” the end of Season 2 of “Mad Men” by saying Betty Draper’s pregnant. It’s like, dudes… I saw Betty give birth on Sunday night. And another show they spoil: “WKRP in Cincinnati.” DAMN YOU, FINE BROTHERS! I WAS JUST ABOUT TO WATCH THE SERIES ON VHS. Man, they just don’t respect people who have carefully avoided “WKRP” news for the last 27 years.