World Series: Rangers at Cardinals (Fox, Friday) — Tonight’s deciding Game 7 comes on the heels of last night’s absolutely bananas Game 6, which I enjoyed even though I hate Cardinals fans, Tony LaRussa, all Molinas, and above all else the city of St. Louis. Nevertheless, I’m not such a troll that I won’t admit that it’s been a great series, and the TV critics who are crying about a World Series Game 7 bumping “Fringe” and hurting the debut of “Grimm” and season premiere of “Chuck” should be pushed into an industrial turbine.

Grimm (NBC, Friday) — Series premiere. As modern fairy tale adaptations go, I’ll admit that this looks less stupid than “Once Upon a Time.” By the way, I should mention that “Grimm” star Claire Coffee (“The West Wing”) did one of those always-enjoyable Me in My Place photo shoots for Esquire. Claire was a classmate of mine at Northwestern. For a long time she dated a guy who’s now in Blue Man Group, who’s close friends with my roommate the Arby’s guy. “Cool story, Hansel.”

Chuck (NBC, Friday) — Season premiere. A small but loyal following has kept this show on the air for fifth season. A small, loyal following that doesn’t care about laughably terrible action sequences. When I watch “Chuck” I feel like I’m watching a telenovela version of an American show.

The Simpsons (Fox, Sunday) — Treehouse of Horror episode. From time to time I feel the need to remind you that Treehouse of Horror V is my favorite “Simpsons” episode ever, to the point that this blog is named for a quote from it.

Allen Gregory (Fox, Sunday) — The new animated comedy from Jonah Hill stars Hill as a precocious 7-year-old with gay dads who leaves the gentle embrace of home-schooling for the rough-and-tumble world of public school.

The Walking Dead (AMC, Sunday) — Prep yourself for Halloween with your weekly dose of zombie ownage. Sophia’s still missing, by the way. Jeez, just find her or show us her remains already.

Our sporty friends at With Leather have been all over the excitement in baseball last night — from pictures of sad Red Sox faces to charts about Boston’s epic collapse to an inspired edition of the Dugout — but I couldn’t help but take one little TV highlight and share it here. Here you see Dan Johnson’s game-tying, 9th-inning home run strike a Yankees fan between the legs. I call it Baseball to the Groin. It works on so many levels!

(GIF via @cjzero)

9/11: Ten Years Later (CBS, Sunday) — The award-winning documentary 9/11, which followed an FDNY fire company throughout 2001, is updated with new interviews and footage. Hosted by Robert DeNiro.

The Love We Make (Showtime, Sunday) — This was one of the six sickeningly exploitative 9/11 specials that Josh highlighted last week. I do believe I’ll take a pass on this one.

Portraits from Ground Zero (A&E, Saturday) — This special shares the images taken at Ground Zero by photographer/filmmaker Andrea Booher, who had unparalleled access to the site of the tragedy in the aftermath of the 9/11 attacks.

Entourage (HBO, Sunday) — Series finale. Good riddance. I don’t particularly care which douchey song concludes the series as long as it’s over forever and never comes back to us in movie form. (Preceded by season finales for True Blood and Curb Your Enthusiasm.)

The X Factor (Fox, Sunday) — Fox is offering an 8-minute sneak preview after its NFL doubleheader.

Torchwood: Miracle Day (Starz, Friday) — Season finale. Captain Jack and the Torchwood crew save Earth (probably).

Sunday Night Football: Cowboys at Jets (NBC) — I’ll be watching this instead of 9/11 specials. Five years ago, I wrote about my 9/11 experience and mused about the connection between the NFL and America’s psyche, particularly as we relate to the rest of the world. Not the best thing I’ve ever written, but it reminds me that moving on and doing my work is just as important as hanging my head in quiet remembrance.

As most of you know, I love the NFL. I was giddy during last night’s game between the Saints and Packers. Several times I said to myself, “I’m just so glad football’s back!” with the same kind of genuine childlike enthusiasm I have about wanting to hug corgis.

So what better way to celebrate the beginning of the NFL season than with FOOTBALL CORGIS? On the following pages are corgis playing with footballs, corgis watching football, corgis in football jerseys, and even one picture of a corgi being washed by NFL cheerleaders. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do. The cheerleaders and the corgis, that is.

…with Dog Beebe in the background.

OWAH CHEEAHLEADAH DOG WARSHES AHH BETTAH THAN YOWAH CHEEAHLEADAH DOG WARSHES.

Don’t be fooled by the cuteness. These corgis knifed a guy to death and got away with it.

Judging by the ear placement, this corgi hates listening to Joe Buck as much as I do.

Enjoy the games this weekend!

This photo's approval rating: a thousand percent

President Obama originally intended to address a joint session of Congress about jobs or the economy or something tonight, but John Boehner was all, “Wednesday’s no good, I’m in the tanning booth from 6 to 11.” So Obama bumped it back a day — the same night as the NFL opener between the Saints and Packers.

But don’t worry, it’s all good. Obama’s speech will be over before kickoff, and his address bumps the atrocious pregame program off of NBC.

NFL Kickoff 2011 was originally scheduled to air on NBC but is now being preempted due to President Obama’s speech, scheduled to begin at 7 p.m. ET. NBC will join NFL Kickoff 2011 in progress once its coverage of the speech has concluded and VERSUS, USA, Syfy and G4 will resume their regularly-scheduled programming shortly thereafter. NFL Network will carry NFL Kickoff 2011 in its entirety.

NFL Kickoff 2011 will feature musical performances by award-winning artists Kid Rock, Lady Antebellum and Maroon 5 from a stage adjacent to Lambeau Field… The 90-minute pregame celebration will also feature Football Night in America and Sunday Night Football commentators Bob Costas, Al Michaels, Cris Collinsworth, Dan Patrick, Tony Dungy, Rodney Harrison, Peter King and Mike Florio live from Green Bay as they examine the impending 2011 NFL season. [press release via TV by the numbers]

Oh boy, Kid Rock AND Maroon 5? I just strained my wrist dismissively wanking. There aren’t too many things I dislike more than hearing a politician talk about the depressing state of our nation, but Tony Dungy’s assh*le face is one of them.

FACT: Former head of NBC Sports Dick Ebersol was terrible at his job for DECADES, which is why NBC finally fired the fish-mouthed Retardo Montalban in May. But for reasons that none of us will ever be stupid enough to understand, NBC has rehired him as a “special adviser” to the network.

He is expected to have a role working with the team producing NBC’s coverage of Sunday Night Football, which begins next Thursday with the season opener between New Orleans and Green Bay, the past two Super Bowl winners.

Mr. Ebersol, under the title of senior adviser, is also being brought back to contribute to the production of the event most closely associated with him, the Olympics. He will join the NBC production team in an advisory role for the 2012 summer games in London. [NYT Media Decoder]

What the hell’s he gonna do for Sunday Night Football? Show it on tape-delay? Add more studio analysts? Change the game to baseball? God I hate this A-hole.

MLB All Star Game (Fox) — When I was a kid, the All Star Game was one of the highlights of my summer. But I also collected bugs as a kid, so it’s not like I had any idea about what was actually good back then. Now I have a better idea about what’s worth watching, such as Kate Upton in short-shorts at the MLB Celebrity Softball Game.

Lawrence of Arabia (TCM) — Speaking of when I was younger, I went through a phase in high school where I tried to get caught up on classic movies from the ’60s and ’70s (Chinatown, Easy Rider, The Shining, other movies that didn’t star Jack Nicholson). All I remember from watching Lawrence of Arabia is that it felt like the longest movie I’d ever seen. It’s like you actually wander around the desert with Peter O’Toole for several months.

Gordon Ramsay’s Great Escape (BBC America) — In this episode of Ramsay’s 37th TV show, he travels to Vietnam, where deadly booby traps are no longer a grave danger to visitors. Unfortunately.

Repo Games (Spike) — This blurs the line between game show and reality show: debtors answer trivia questions, and the “prize” to be won is their own car (losers get their vehicles repossessed). On tonight’s episode, someone pulls a gun. Is it just me, or does this sound like a Stephen King novella?

America’s Got Talent (NBC) — Live episodes begin tonight, with the first 12 of the final 48 acts performing. I’d be a great “AGT” judge: everyone without a dog or cleavage would get an immediate X.

True Blood (HBO, Sunday) — Season premiere. Here’s why you need to follow me on Twitter: because I share awesome GIFs like this even when I don’t have a specific use for them here at the blog. Anyway, if you can get past the silly monsters (this season: witches!) and annoying characters like Tara, Sookie, Bill, the ugly waitress, Hoyt, and all of Sam’s family, this can be almost watchable. I mean, is an Eric-Pam-Jessica hardcore threesome really so much to ask for?

Law & Order: Criminal Intent (USA, Sunday) — Series finale. Which one is this? Is this the one with Vincent D’Onofrio? It’s hard to keep all the “L&O’s” straight, except for the one about rape. Anyway, James Van Der beek guest stars.

Swamp Shark (Syfy, Saturday) — D.B. Sweeney and Kristy Swanson star in what isn’t exactly Syfy’s most inspired monster movie. “Okay, so it’s a shark… but get this: it lives in freshwater.”

Commercial Kings (IFC, Friday) — Series premiere. Internet stars Rhett and Link make offbeat commercials for local businesses. You may remember this from the video they made for the crazy cat hotel lady.

Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew (VH1, Sunday) — Season premiere. Whoa, that was weird. I just thought about this show and queefed out of my penis.

Cocaine Sub Hunt (NatGeo, Sunday) — What else do you need to know? It’s called COCAINE SUB HUNT.

Gold Cup Final (Fox Soccer & Univision, Saturday) — It’s USA versus hated rival Mexico from the Rose Bowl. American turf, sure, but the 90,000 fans in attendance will be filled with urine-flinging illegal immigrants and anchor babies. We should host this game in Arizona. (My love for Clint Dempsey turns me into a right-wing racist.)

Some people have wondered how “The League” would respond to the NFL lockout if the work stoppage continues and interrupts the coming season. The answer, according to this new video, is exactly how the rest of us NFL fans have responded: with angry demands that the owners and players work their sh*t out and play some games so that we can be distracted from our terrible, meaningless lives. Cheers to this. And yes, I’m drinking before noon. Don’t judge me, it’s been a long morning.

[Paul Scheer]

Tommy from Quinzee reacts to the Bruins’ win. It’s just a shame he missed out on the rioting. [Kissing Suzy Kolber; photo by Rich Lam/Getty Images; GIF via @PUNTE]

Your Vancouver rioting gallery. Ha ha, way to destroy your beautiful city, Vancouver! [With Leather]

The Dugout, by Bill Simmons. This one’s a great episode. And yes, there are footnotes. [With Leather]

The ten most ridiculous items on Kim Kardashian’s wedding registry. What? Every bride needs an $800 ashtray. [Uproxx]

Werner Herzog reads ‘Go the F**k to Sleep.’ It’s a nice companion piece to Samuel L. Jackson reading it. [FilmDrunk]

Best of Venture Bros. Cosplay. Dr. Girlfriend is one of the sexiest cartoons in TV history. It’s a shame about her voice. [Gamma Squad]

Rob McIlhenny gained 50 pounds to play Mac next season. Check out this on-set preview of Season 7 of “It’s ALways Sunny in Philadelphia.” [ScreenJunkies]

Dick Ebersol pitches the Notre Dame network. This makes fun of almost everything I loathe. [EDSBS]

I feel ya, Fergie. Probably the first time I’ve ever sympathized with her. [babyastronauts]

The coolest TV bars we wish existed. I dunno, I love “Sunny,” but I’m fine with Paddy’s Pub being fictional. [Modern Man]

The Celebrity Rehab of Dr. Drew. A very long but very good article by the excellent Natasha Vargas-Cooper. [GQ]

The Ultimate ‘Party Down’ Marathon. The Drafthouse in Austin — the same place that awesomely kicks out people who text during movies — will show both seasons of the Starz cult classic with most of the cast and creators on hand. [Drafthouse]