The Something Awful forums are always an excellent way to waste time, and I found the Choose Your Own Adventure Books That Never Quite Made It series of Photoshops to be a delight, since Choose Your Own Adventure books were how kids wasted time before the Internet existed. Above are the two TV-related covers that I saw, although my personal favorite is probably Buttf*cked By Gayzilla. What can I say, I appreciate subtle humor.

On a completely-unrelated-to-anything note, I’ve been dragging ass all day, so I decided to cheer myself up by making this Photoshop (click for larger):

I think his name should be Falcor.

This handsome young ladykiller took a break from breaking hearts to compose lyrics to the theme from “Star Trek: The Next Generation” (his angelic tenor begins at the :50 mark). He also did it for “Deep Space Nine” and “Star Trek Voyager” — and before you ask: yes, he wears his slimming Star Trek uniform in those videos, as well.

What I don’t understand is why he disabled the ability to comment on those YouTube pages. How else are people supposed to compliment his efforts?

[BuzzFeed]

This video is a compilation of “Star Trek: The Next Generation” scenes taken out of context to sound like sexual innuendos. It was made two years ago, but I’m sharing it now because it’s new to me (via Urlesque) and because I’m 12 years old and I laugh at cheap jokes.

And not to spoil the best part, but you have to watch at least the first two minutes, because that’s when Commander Riker breaks out the sad trombone. I mean it. Seriously. He actually plays the famous “wah-wah-wahhhhh” we all know and love, and I think he’s going to be a new hero here at Warming Glow. How do you feel about that, Commander Riker?

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You ever notice how every law enforcement agency on TV and the movies is able to solve crimes by enhancing grainy footage? Of course you have, because it’s the one thing that every police computer can do that nobody’s personal computer can do. Well, that and find the states where I’m a sex offender. Whatever, I didn’t want to live in Alabama anyway.

That’s why this awesomely edited mash-up from dunk3d is one of the best things I’ve seen all week. The shows listed in the tags don’t even make a complete list of all the shows used in this clip, and it doesn’t even include the handful of movies that made the cut, as well.

There is, however, one glaring omission:

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“Data, get me a cat scan.”

The video below consists of scenes from “Star Trek: The Next Generation” re-dubbed with random-ass lines that match the movement of the actors’ mouths. This is the kind of instant Internet classic that provokes two reactions: (1) You will either be confounded and bewildered, and find it kind of dumb, or (2) you will think it’s brilliant and laugh your ass off. If you’re among the latter group, congratulations, you’re one of the cool kids. You’re welcome to come play in my sandbox any time. Yes, that’s a metaphor. No, it’s not sexual. Don’t touch me.

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