Below is a local news report from ABC’s Houston affiliate that investigates a Christian-themed pole-dancing class in Old Town Spring, Texas. It’s just like a regular pole-dancing class, except students dance to Christian music instead of Def Leppard or Pussycat Dolls.

“God gives us these bodies and they are suppose to be our temples and we are suppose to take care of them and that’s what we are doing,” instructor Crystal Dean said… ”I do feel a spiritual connection whenever you have the music on and it’s singing about lifting you up and being closer to God. You do feel that,” she said.

There are those who just can’t get past the stigma. ”In Gods eyes, it wouldn’t be attractive,” said nineteen-year-old Eric Purgason. Purgason’s family runs Lord and Nature, a Christian gift shop neighboring the Christian pole dancers. [ABC Local]

The Christian gift shop is next to the Christian pole dancers, across the street from the Christian organic food market, and caddie corner from the Christian taxidermy shop. It’s the heart of the Christian district.

Personally, I like to pretend that Golgotha was the first strip club. “Gentlemen, put your hands together! Please welcome to the center cross… JESUS OF NAZARETH!” And then Jesus comes out in his little loincloth to Nine Inch Nails. ….I’m going to hell, aren’t I?

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Below is a clip from France’s “Encroyable Talent” (English: “Incredible Talent”) in which a contestant’s “talent” is stripping with snakes (Her name is supposedly Priscilla Jones, but I hope we’re not so naive to believe that). She starts out with one snake, but that’s not enough, so she reaches into her box and pulls out a second snake. It’s like the Double Entendre Olympics.

Now, I fancy myself a connoisseur of exotic dancers, and to call Priscilla a “dancer” is far too generous: she’s on TV merely to take her clothes off in a suggestive manner while snakes writhe around on her. And the judges happily watch the entire performance without interrupting her. Because she is clearly an ARTIST.

Video below, followed by a fun slide show of the best screen caps. Be warned, some of this stuff is a little too sexy for work, but that’s French television for you.

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Esquire has named Minka Kelly of “Friday Night Lights” the Sexiest Woman in the World, which basically means she was the first starlet who was available for the interview and photo shoot. But who am I to nitpick with the selection process? Esquire took sexy photos, and I’m gonna lorem ipsum for a while to make this look like a respectable operation. Look, she talks!

“My mom lived a fast life,” she says now. “It was all about what we could do to have fun with nothing. She — for most of my life, she was a dancer. An exotic dancer. She was a stripper. Um, so she would come home at like three, four o’clock in the morning, and sometimes she would have a really great night, and so she would wake me up in the middle of the night and we’d go to Ralphs and go grocery shopping.”

Mother of the Year.

“And that was so much fun. We’d have the whole grocery store to ourselves, and we would have a blast and buy a hundred dollars in groceries. And it was just the best day ever. The best day.” [Esquire]

Whew, I thought that blockquote would never end. Let’s ogle the photos and video already.

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I think I’ve done a fair job of showing some restraint about my fandom for Conan O’Brien during the long build-up to his new show debuting on TBS in November. But I’m going to indulge myself and post this video, which is the best of a series that feature John Waite’s 1984 hit “Missing You.”

And yes, I went a little overboard with the headline. Obviously, a stripper who can do the String Dance on request is pretty great, but the BEST stripper ever would have cocaine, a sex addiction, and nowhere to be until next Wednesday.

I suppose this isn’t really a TV-related story, but I think I’m enough of an expert on strippers to weigh in on the battle between the New Beginnings Ministries Church and The Foxhole strip club in Warsaw, Ohio.

Sources say that for the past four years Pastor Bill Dunfee has been harassing Tommy George and his Foxhole strip joint. What’s worse is that Dunfee and his ilk are a full seven country miles from the private business, yet bother to show up every weekend to block traffic, take photos of customers’ license plates to upload to their shaming site and just generally condemn and insult George. [Asylum via BWE]

The thing is, if New Beginnings would just ignore The Foxhole — “a run-down, garage-like building” — it would probably go out of business before long. Don’t believe me? Let’s examine some screencaps from the video.

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