I suppose this isn’t really a TV-related story, but I think I’m enough of an expert on strippers to weigh in on the battle between the New Beginnings Ministries Church and The Foxhole strip club in Warsaw, Ohio.

Sources say that for the past four years Pastor Bill Dunfee has been harassing Tommy George and his Foxhole strip joint. What’s worse is that Dunfee and his ilk are a full seven country miles from the private business, yet bother to show up every weekend to block traffic, take photos of customers’ license plates to upload to their shaming site and just generally condemn and insult George. [Asylum via BWE]

The thing is, if New Beginnings would just ignore The Foxhole — “a run-down, garage-like building” — it would probably go out of business before long. Don’t believe me? Let’s examine some screencaps from the video.

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Last Wednesday, I previewed a one-hour special on National Geographic called “Biker Chicks: Leather & Lace.” And if this clip from fourfour is any indication, the show was everything the title promised. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen something so depressing in the way it reinforces stereotypes. In other words, it was amazing. So amazing that I had to transcribe part of it:

Voiceover: “Twenty-two-year-old single mother Jessica Bruce rides behind 55-year-old Boudin, a member of the Warlocks motorcycle club and her trusted confidant.”
Jessica: “I met Boudin when I was dancing at Cheaters, and he’s been my best friend ever since. He’s kinda like a dad.”
Voiceover: “To feed and clothe her two-year-old son and keep Boudin’s bike on the road, Jessica works as a stripper… Jessica’s involvement with bikers began when her parents suddenly left home to nurse a sick relative.”
Jessica: “My parents had to go to Ohio to be with my brother and help out… they figured I’d be okay.”
Voiceover: “Boudin is trying to launch Jessica’s career as a glamor model. He takes her to get a portfolio of photographs shot by brother biker, Miserable George.”

And people, that is only the BEGINNING. I didn’t even get to the part where Boudin talks about telling her who to date while casually feeling her up, or the way Miserable George carefully displays her hair across the handlebars of a motorcycle. The only thing this clip is missing is Jessica admitting that her father sexually abused her. And her son growing up to be a meth-addled criminal. And I mean that in the sad way, not the funny way.

(Longer, more depressing video here)

You know that whole fitness fad where women learn pole dancing to get in shape? I believe the official term for it is “awesome and recommended.” Well, Martha Stewart had a couple of those ladies on her program yesterday, and in a turn for the unsexy, Martha Stewart actually worked the stripper pole. I’ve got the bone-chilling video below, and while it’s definitely not sexy at all, the real problem I have with it is Martha’s lack of skill. Hey, you can be an old lady on the pole. Just don’t disrespect the beloved art of stripping with your spastic flailing. Spastic flailing is why no one took Showgirls seriously.

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There’s good news and bad news. Good news first: Julie Benz, whose departure from “Dexter” saddened fans of the Showtime series, has gotten a gig playing a stripper. The bad news: it’s on “Desperate Housewives.”

[Benz] has been cast in the recurring role of Debbie, a stripper with a heart of gold and a Masters degree in education. When Susan offers her the chance to transition into a more legitimate career, Deb jumps at it. Benz is booked for at least three episodes, the first of which is scheduled to air in February. [Ausiello]

I know this doesn’t need to be said, but “Desperate Housewives” is terrible at everything. Here are some handy tips for adding a stripper to your show. DO: show the stripper at work. DO NOT: give her a master’s degree. Not unless that master’s is in lap dances. (You can get one at Arizona State.)

“…and 2-for-1 deadly beatings on Tuesdays”

Ashley “A.J.” Jewell, who until recently was engaged to “Real Housewives of Atlanta” star Kandi Burress (pictured), was beaten to death outside an Atlanta strip club (also pictured) Friday night.

Atlanta police charged a strip club employee with voluntary manslaughter Saturday in the beating death of the former fiancé of the newest member of the reality television show The Real Housewives of Atlanta…

Jewell died of  massive head injuries at Piedmont Hospital. He was fatally injured in a “one-on-one”  fight with Fredrick Richardson Friday night, police said…

Jewell was part owner of the club, and police have yet to determine the cause of the fight.

There are two things to take away from this: (1) People who date reality TV stars die in horrible ways. I think it’s God trying to effect some Darwinian changes by encouraging us humans to not procreate with people on reality TV shows. And (2) I swear not ONE “real housewife” who enters the news cycle is ACTUALLY MARRIED. Why don’t people care about this? Aren’t there ACTUAL real housewives who are pissed that they’re not getting on the show because Bravo keeps choosing unmarried and divorced women? Like,  it’s bad enough the supposed reality show is a cheaply manufactured soap. Can’t there be SOME kind of honesty in the title? How about the “Real Shallow Arguing Bitches”? I could respect that kind of transparency.