I hope everyone still has their Y2K shelters stocked with canned goods, bottled water, and Lou Bega’s smash debut album A Little Bit of Mambo, because things are about to get REAL.  (Note:  Looking back on it, Bega probably should have named his album A Long, Profitable Career’s Worth of Mambo, but I digress.)  At midnight tonight, a number of carriage agreements expire that could mean blackouts of channels on certain providers — most notably the Comcast-owned E! and Style Network on DISH Network.  Via Deadline, here is the official statement from E! and Style:

We are in active negotiations with DISH Network.  We are trying to reach a fair agreement, however, it is our belief they will once again turn their backs on their subscribers by dropping the networks and holding E! and Style fans hostage. In actively choosing to discontinue these two networks, Dish is denying their subscribers E!, the ultimate network for entertainment fans with marquee January events from exclusive coverage of Red Carpet season to the premiere of the new season of the Kardashian show Kourtney & Kim Take NY, and Style, the home of transformations, from fashion, to beauty to home, featuring all-new seasons of Kimora and Jerseylicious.

Oh my heavens! What will we do without “Kimora” and “Jerseylicious”? And however will I get by without knowing how a girl whose fame is based on having made a sex tape with the younger brother of the girl from “Moesha” fared in New York with her sister? I do declare, I feel like I’m becoming a touch weak in the knees. Oh dear… (*dramatically raises back of hand to forehead, faints*)

Seriously, if we could just move “The Soup” to VH1 or something, you could pretty much murder everyone on E! and Style and I’d probably just shrug my shoulders and finish eating this sandwich.  Even you, Topanga.  Sorry, sister.

After the jump, the banner pic explained in song form.

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Fatcat's teen son is totally emo.

The Style Network has greenlit a show called “Too Fat for 15: Fighting Back” that will chronicle the lives of teenagers at fat camp. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “What’s the Style Network?” and the answer is I don’t know. But apparently it’s real. Now let’s get to the block quote:

The series revolves around four extremely overweight teens and one preteen whose parents bring them to Wellspring Academy, a weight-loss boarding school in North Carolina.

“‘Too Fat for 15: Fighting Back’ captures the epic struggle of a courageous group of obese teens trying to lose weight,” Style Network president Salaam Coleman Smith said. “Their life-changing mental and physical transformation is must-see television that puts a real face on the obesity epidemic threatening our young people.” [THR]

Hey, I appreciate any fattie who takes the time and effort to reverse the years of sloth it took to make him or her a food blister in the first place, but I’ve got a problem with calling fat kids trying to lose weight “courageous.” Firefighters are courageous. Soldiers and Marines in combat zones are often courageous. These teens have spent almost all their sedentary lives eating McDonald’s and watching TV. Oh, so now they’re eating right and hitting the treadmill? Oooohhh, how courageous! Wanna do something brave? Take your shirt off at the pool this summer. Wait, on second thought, don’t.

(Note: original banner image taken from a New Zealand show called “Can Fat Teens Hunt?”)

I never saw a single episode of “Boy Meets World” (which aired from 1993-2000), but every guy who’s young enough (or lame enough) to have spent his Friday nights in the ’90s staying home and watching TV has a lifelong obsession with Danielle Fishel, who played the character Topanga on ABC’s “TGIF’ hit.  Now 28, Fishel spoke to Fancast about her first kiss and her present gig as host of Style Network’s “The Dish,” which is like “The Soup” but for women and not funny (Sorry, Danielle. Call me?).  Some excerpts:

What’s a typical day like for you on ‘The Dish’? I’m not there Monday through Wednesday. On Thursdays I do my voice over for the show. Then I go across the street to my record meeting. My writers show me all the clips that they’re thinking about, we go through the script, tweak it, and on Friday I go into hair and makeup and we shoot the tape.

Whoa, TWO days of work every week?!?!  Television can be so hard!

What were your favorite scenes [on "Boy Meets World"] to shoot? Definitely that first episode, when we [Ben Savage's character, Cory and Topanga] were handcuffed to the locker, and I kissed him. That scene stands out for me for many reasons. For one,  it was my first major role on a television show. Two it was my first real life kiss and my first television kiss all rolled into one – on national television with my whole family watching.

The full interview also has her talking about being a sex symbol at a young age and an explanation for why the producers chose a name as dumb as Topanga.  Me?  I’m just here to give you a gallery of Fishel and Ben Savage as teenagers.  Sweet!  It’s Jailbait Day at Warming Glow!  Tell everyone you know!  Unless they work in law enforcement!