CBS, whose audience average median age is literally 55 years old, pulled the trigger early and renewed a good two thirds or more of its primetime line-up yesterday, ensuring that the geriatric set will not have its stories taken away from them before they enter hospice care. The list of shows renewed stands at 18, so far, including four comedies, nine dramas, three reality series and two news magazines. The list: “The Good Wife,” “2 Broke Girls,” “NCIS,” “NCIS: Los Angeles,” “Criminal Minds,” “CSI,” “The Mentalist,” “Person of Interest,” “Blue Bloods,” “Hawaii Five-0,” “Mike & Molly,” “How I Met Your Mother,” and “Big Bang Theory” (real nerds watch “Community”). “60 Minutes” and “48 Hours,” as well as “Survivor,” “The Amazing Race,” and “Undercover Boss,” are also returning.

Absent from the list of renewals: “Two and a Half Men.” Don’t read too much into that. It’s a top 10 show. The hang-up right now is ongoing negotiations with Ashton Kutcher. If he returns, so does the show. Meanwhile, two “CSI” installments (New York and Miami) remain on the bubble, as does “Rules of Engagement” and “Rob.” “Unforgettable” is also on the bubble (though it will probably be renewed) as is “A Gifted Man” (it probably will not be renewed).

It’s a great day for your grandparents.

Survivor (CBS) — The title of tonight’s episode is, “A Bunch of Idiots.” There has never been a more appropriate title for this season of “Survivor.”

The Middle/Suburgatory/Modern Family/Happy Endings (ABC) — They’re all back tonight, but per usual, “Happy Endings” is the one to watch. In tonight’s episode, the gang attempts to find a restaurant where one of them hasn’t been banned or will run into an ex. Dollars to donuts, they settle for Dave’s meat truck. Meanwhile, “Modern Family” continues to stunt cast in lieu of new plotlines. Tonight’s episode will feature Bobby Cannavale (The Station Agent) and Ellen Barkin.

Psych (USA Network) — Anyone ever wonder what James Roday did before “Psych” came along? He was in The Dukes of Hazzard movie, that’s what.

South Park (Comedy Central) — (SEASON PREMIERE) “South Park,” entering its 16th season, is only 7 seasons behind “The Simpsons,” but still as good as eighth season “The Simpsons.” What sacred cow will the gang molest tonight? Ummm, leaving the toilet seat up. Scratch what I said about “South Park” still being fresh.

NCAA Basketball: California vs. South Florida (TruTV) — The NCAA Tournament kicks off tonight. Is the play-in game really on TruTV? Does anyone watch TruTV? Does anyone know where TruTV is on their cable lineup?

LATE NIGHT LISTINGS: Dave’s got Martin Short, Leno has Charming Potato and Drew Brees, Kimmmel has Jonah Hill, Ferguson has … Regis?, and Fallon has Tim Tebow. “The Daily Show” also has Rachel Weisz on what should be a good election episode.

Survivor: One World (CBS) — Tonight’s episode will feature an “unforgivable betrayal,” which is marketing speak for: “All of our contestants suck really hard this season, so please, please watch.” Oh, alright.

Happy Endings (ABC) — I don’t want to alarm any of you, but the only new episode on ABC’s Wednesday night lineup is “Happy Endings.” On the one hand, that’s great. It’s the only one I love. On the other, why is ABC burning off “Happy Endings” episodes at a faster pace than the rest of their lineup? Are they planning on plugging something new into that timeslot later in the spring? Why would they want to test it without a “Modern Family” lead-in? Don’t you touch “Happy Endings,” ABC. Have you seen the shrine the Internet has built to “Community.” You don’t want that on your hands.

Psych (USA) — “Psych” is my very favorite non-appointment TV show. If I have time, sure. If not, no biggie. The show will be on forever, and Gus and Shawn will exchange the same banter, and it will always be kind of entertaining. Tonight’s the type of night I might watch — it’s Ghostbuster-themed. Anyone have any favorite “Psych” episodes? Mine was the “Twin Peaks”-themed eps, and the blaxploitation homage.

America’s Top Model: British Invasion (CW) — On tonight’s episode, the models will dress as toddlers while posing with Kris Jenner and her daughters Kendall and Kylie. This is not a joke. Apparently, they wanted to combine three of the worst thing on television into one episode: “Toddlers and Tiaras,” the Kardashians, and modeling competition.

Top Chef Reunion (Bravo) — I’m going to watch it because I’m a completest, but I’m not going to like it because Andy Cohen will be hosting. Andy Cohen is seriously the most annoying man on television. If I had my way, there would be a reality program that pitted Andy Cohen and Guy Fieri in a weekly cage match, and it would continue until someone died. The winner would then be mauled by a bear.

LATE NIGHT LISTINGS: “The Daily Show,” “The Colbert Report,” and Ferguson are the only late nighters not in reruns this week. They have Cecile Richards, Willem Dafoe, and Susan Sarandon on, respectively.

2012 Republican Primary Debate (CNN) — After 3,345 debates so far (Google it), this one may be the last of the Republican primary season. Word is, Santorum plans to bite the head off of Romney while Gingrich cowers in the corner and cries. Ron Paul will end the debate with a dramatic mic drop, then turn into a bat and fly off stage. Burnsy/Danger 2012! (After the jump, a Santorum photo made completely from screen shots of gay porn).

Whitney/Are You There, Chelsea? (NBC) — We only have a few more weeks left to hate these two shows, as they will be pulled from NBC’s schedule to make room for Betty White’s new show in April. Hate while the hatin’ is hot, yo.

Survivor (CBS) — The “Survivor” casting department outdid itself this year, collecting the most arrogant, obnoxious douchebags in the show’s twenty-something cycles. I hate everyone so far except for the hot motorcycle mechanic lady who broke her wrist last week. It does, however, make for compelling drama if you’re into detestable people getting their comeuppance. It’s just too bad they all can’t lose.

Happy Endings (ABC) — I’ve grown weary of the other ABC Wednesday night comedies, but “Happy Endings” is still bringing it, thanks largely to Brad and Jane. Good news: Tonight’s a Brad-and-Jane centered episode, as they engage in their yearly domestic squabble.

Top Chef (Bravo) — (Season Finale) It’s going to be Paul, right? I mean, there’s not really a question, is there?

Watch What Happens Live (Bravo) — Chrissy Teigen is on tonight with her husband, some guy named John Legend. You folks can slobber all over Kate Upton all you’d like: Teigen is my Sports Illustrated swimsuit model of choice. She’s hot, and she’s smart and acerbic enough to slap your ass down. She also cooks (check out her cooking website)

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Survivor (CBS) — (Season premiere) I watch two reality shows: “Survivor” and “Top Chef.” Every year, I think that I’ll finally lose interest in “Survivor,” and every year, I continue to watch. The gimmicks are the worst — and this year, the two tribes are separated into male and female tribes and will live together on the same beach — and practically every iteration of the game has been played half a dozen times. But I’ll keep watching. I can’t help myself. There’s a dwarf on this season, how can I not?

The Middle/Suburgatory/Modern Family/Happy Endings (ABC) — Tonight’s episode of “Happy Endings,” which will center on Max’s relationship with Grant, was directed by Kyle Newacheck, creator and star of “Workaholics.” He also directed an episode of “Community.” That’s the kind of hard-hitting information you won’t find on other TV blogs.

Only in American with Larry the Cable Guy (History) — Fun Fact: “Whitney” is also on Wednesday nights, Whitney Houston died last Saturday, and Larry the Cable Guy’s real name is Daniel Whitney. Did I just blow your mind? No? OK, here’s Larry the Cable Guy’s real voice, maybe that’ll do the trick.

Top Chef (Bravo) — (SPOILER) They eliminated Ed last week. There’s no point in watching anymore. He may have been the best contestant in the show’s history, and he was eliminated by freakin’ Pee Wee Herman.

Oprah’s Oscar Special (OWN) — I know that Oprah has her own network now, but I couldn’t even tell you if I had that station. Has anyone stumbled upon it? What else does it show besides Oprah’s talk show? Drew Carey reruns?

LATE NIGHT GUESTS — JON STEWART IS ON LETTERMAN. JON STEWART IS ON LETTERMAN. JON STEWART IS ON LETTERMAN. Ahem. It’s funny; the only time you ever see Stewart suck up to anyone, it’s on Dave. It’s kind of cute. Leno counters with Bill Maher (ha!), Kimmel has Miley Cyrus, Ferguson hosts Jon Cryer, and Carson Daly has Deadmau5. I have no idea who Deadmau5 is. Can’t wait.